Archive for the ‘Body Parts’ Category

And Laugh About 'em Behind Their Backs

Indian snack counter vendor: What's that on your head, man?
Security guard with ash cross on head, in thick New York accent: It's ash Wednesday.
Indian snack counter vendor, snickering: Okay.
Security guard: Hey, I don't laugh at you guys when you put dots on your heads. You gotta respect other people's beliefs.

–9th St & Broadway

Overheard by: The Chocolate Muffin Sucked

Wednesday One-Megapixeliners

Pushy black woman to employee standing next to portrait studio samples: The next time I come in here, I want to see my daughter's picture up here, because she is beautiful.

–K-Mart, 34th St

Overheard by: EthanK

Guy: There were some pictures taken, involving, like, my penis and Caleb's penis and five other guys.

–4th St & 2nd Ave

Girl: Food is overrated, let's just take a picture and leave.

–100th St & Broadway

Hipster punk girl on phone: Hello? (pause) No, but I know a girl if you're looking. She also puts jelly on her toes. (pause) Who? I once sold a semi-nude photo of myself at an art show once. I think Brendan has a copy of it… no one would ever pay to see my feet. But again, I ask, who were you talking to? (pause) Dave was under the impression that I sold pictures of my extremities for money? That's awesome! I'm going to send him a picture of my elbow!

–Union Square

Overheard by: Ayenbird

Guy: The more bodies, the more pictures. That's what I always say.

–14th St & 7th Ave

Wednesday One-Liners Are So Not Hot for Teacher

Teacher: Some of the answer choices people picked were really out there. I probably could've put peanut butter and jelly, and people would think, "Oh, damn, I'm hungry, I should pick that."

–Stuyvesant High School

Overheard by: Student

Teacher: Guys, no matter what happens, if you're absent on a test day you must bring in a note! I don't care if you're walking to school and suddenly the ground opens up and you're sucked into candyland–I need a note!

–LaGuardia High School

Overheard by: a note of chocolate?

Acoustics teacher: This only emphasizes how little I know about acoustics. Or rather, how little is known about acoustics.

–Cooper Union, Astor Place

Overheard by: a student is only as good as his t eacher

Teacher to little boy: You ain't gonna die just cause your leg got sprinkled on!

–L Train

Overheard by: Misshellee

Principal: I can see what you're doing…with this bouncing and the little hand on your hip…you're trying to undermine my authority with your bad posture, I can see exactly what you think of my administration.

–Bard High School Early College

“That'sa Spicy Wednesday One-Liner!”

Drunk guy, matter-of-factly: Everyone comes in here and thinks they're smelling pot, when really they're just smelling Italians.

–Hammerstein Ballroom Men's Room

Young girl on cell: Well, I mean, I have eaten macaroni. Does that count as Italian?

–Grand Central

Overheard by: Kayla Monetta

Man on cell: And this guy smelled like shit! (pause) Yeah, I told him, "you smell like Italian."

–E 10th & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: molina1230

Loud bridesmaid at Guido wedding: I'm Sicilian from the waist up, American from the waist down.

–Brooklyn Botanic Garden

College guy to friend: From the minute they got here, they started eating. Italian feasts are pornography. Italian food is illicit sex to the puritans. Everything the puritans eat is bland and brown.

–Brooklyn College

Middle-aged, pot-bellied guy with a long pony-tail, stopping young woman on the street: Excuse me, but I just want to say, once you've had Italian food, you're not hungry for anything else. I just ate a calzone and now I'm going to go home and just go to sleep!

–8th St & Broadway

Overheard by: Not hungry either