Archive for the ‘Bosses’ Category

Today, He is Truly an African-American

Black guy: Good god. I had to actually work today.
Indian chick: By “work” you obviously mean taking credit for the many hours of hard labor endured by my fellow Indian IT brethren who report to you. You exploiting bastard.
Black guy: Ha, ha. Like slavery. But I’m Black.
Indian chick: Oh, the wicked irony.
Black guy: Word. –Wall Street Overheard by: drama

But Those Are the Only Presidents We’ve Had Who Were Related, Right?

Man looks down at Time magazine with Theodore Roosevelt on the cover.

Man: Wait. We had two President Roosevelts? When did that happen?
Supervisor: Yeah. There was, um, [looks at cover] Teddy, and, uh, shit. What was the other one named?
Man: I don’t know. Shit, man, history’s hard because, you know, there’s just so much of it. It’s, like, impossible to really understand it, I think.
Supervisor: Yeah, that’s true.

–K-Mart, 9th St & 4th Ave

Overheard by: appalled customer buying swim trunks

Just tell him “PLUCK U”! It’s the name of your fucking store!

Crazy customer: So you’re the manager?
Manager: That’s right.
Crazy customer: OK, then I needed to talk to you. Now, I’m not trying to get anyone in trouble. But this order is for my boss and she’s a flat out bitch.
Manager: OK…
Crazy customer: The last time I was here, I ordered your boneless wings. And I got buffalo wings.
Manager: Wow, I’m sorry about that.
Crazy customer: Then I’ve got to go back to the office and hear about it. And your man there wasn’t being helpful at all.
Manager: Well, try to put yourself in his shoes. Sometimes things get really busy and you can get swamped being the only guy at the register, and maybe you’re not as polite as you should be.
Crazy customer: I worked at Wendy’s, McDonald’s AND Kentucky Fried Chicken at the Junction. I took a lot of crap from general managers.
Manager: Right.
Crazy customer: If someone wanted their sandwich upside down, that’s how I gave it to them. I got buffalo wings and then I’ve got to eat it. I don’t want them!
Manager: Well, here’s your order. Thanks for saying something.
Crazy customer: So this is ten boneless wings?
Manager: Yes.
Crazy customer: Thanks. I didn’t want to get anyone in trouble. It’s just that I’m going to hear it from her if it’s wrong, and she’s a bitch. She just called me and she wanted me to get her to downtown Brooklyn in an hour. Excuse me? Do I have a rocketship?
Manager: Right, right.
Crazy customer: So these aren’t buffalo wings, right?
Manager: Ten boneless wings with bleu cheese. –Pluck U., East Village

John Lennon: “All You Need Is Wednesday One-Liner”

Guy on cell: Well, I love you. Hit that little Jewish kid in the back of the head, and I love you.

–St. Mark's

Guy to girl: Yeah, yeah, totally. I love turning nouns into verbs.

–Grahm Ave & Conseleya

Overheard by: Minna

Girlfriend to boyfriend: I love it when you goat me.

–95th St & Broadway

Overheard by: John

Staples manager to coworker: I love these staples!

–Staples Store

Overheard by: venniblue

Guy to girlfriend: Reacharound equals love.

–11th St & 3rd Ave

Wednesday Off-the-Rack-Liners

20-something man on cell: I just bought another Transformers t-shirt. That means I am one Transformers t-shirt away from being able to only wear Transformers t-shirts.

–9th Ave & 45th St

Overheard by: Serena

Male art teacher: What's wrong with chiffon? If I were home right now, I would be wearing chiffon.

–Hunter College High School

Bar owner to college kid wearing suit: Look atchu all dressed up. What, are you goin' on a game show or somethin?

–Citi Bar

Overheard by: Lulu

20-something girl on cell: You should've known when you liked his clothes that he was going to be overly emotional. No one who dresses that good can hold it all together.

–Locker Room, Crunch Gym

Guy to group of friends: Yeah, so I said to him, "Mike, it's a problem when you wearin' the same clothes as your daughter.'"

–5th Ave & 14th St

Overheard by: Sue

JWowsday One-Liners

Older black man to younger black man: Yeah, cause you don't need to say you're from the Jers to pick up chicks, they ain't like that here, son. I mean, if she's mad hot then you can clue her in that you're from Jersey, but only if you think she can appreciate your flow…

–Lafayette & St. James

Frat boy crossing street: Butthole in New Jersey.

–Flatbush Ave & 7th, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Hunter

Stoned-looking teen to friend: Are you from New Jersey? Maybe you told me, but I can just, like, sense it…

–Union Square

Overheard by: wgoddessw

Guy to friend: Yeah, man, I was watching that show Jersey Shore the other night… Makes me glad I live on Long Island.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Fistpump like a champ

Stressed film major: You are going to give me that fucking power chord. Then I'm going to punch you in the vag. Then you're coming to New Jersey with me.

–Tisch School of the Arts

Overheard by: Bruce Lee

Wednesday One-Liners Will Leave You Spellbound

Man on BlackBerry: Yeah, it's about a freaking partnership. And there's no "I" in partnership.

–Washington Square Park

Subway announcer: There is a downtown b train approaching 96th Street. That is "b" as in "delta."

–86th St Subway Station

Manager, looking at display that has been knocked over: This place is trashed. T-r-s-h-a-e-d! Trashed! (awkward silence from employees) What? What did I say?

–Bed Bath & Beyond

Overheard by: Melissa

Theater tech guy on phone: So you're saying every time Sesame Street was brought to you by the letter "b," you cried? If that's the case, I'm really sorry. I'm really sorry I offended you with a letter.

–50th & 9th