Archive for the ‘Bosses’ Category

Friends Don’t Let Friends Be Drug Mules

Black guy: I just really don’t wanna go to prison in Africa.
White guy: Of course. And, if at any time you feel like that might be a possibility, the operation comes to a close. I value you and your sweet virgin ass and unslit throat over some cheap pot.
Black guy: That’s how I know you’re a real friend. –Parking lot, LaGuardia Overheard by: slightly confused

But Do “The Pee Pee Dance” for My Amusement, and We'll Talk

Desperate lady walking in diner: Can I use your bathroom?
Diner guy: Bathrooms are for customers only.
Desperate lady: I'll give you ten dollars.
Diner guy: Bathrooms are for customers.
Desperate lady: I'm desperate.
Diner guy: You can talk to the manager.
Desperate lady to manager: Can I use your bathroom?
Manager: Bathrooms are for customers.
Desperate lady: I'll give you ten dollars.
Manager: I don't need ten dollars. –Diner, Chelsea Overheard by: stephie

Brother, Can You Spare a Wednesday One-Liner?

Girl on cell, pacing outside of restaurant: What happened to you? It was so good to run into you, but you look like a homeless person! –St. Mark's Place b/w Ave A & 1st Ave Guy to young girl: I think the homeless guy on my block has real self-esteem issues. –Astor Place Manager to hobo: Jesus Christ, don't let me catch you here again! The Radisson is right around the corner! –McDonald's Power walking suit on phone: I know, I've never actually seen a female hobo before. –Grand Central Suit on cell: So like, she was homeless, right? But she look gooood! –6th & 19th Overheard by: Sanam Skelly Woman at red table with water jug: Help the homeless! C'mon! They don't like dat shit! –Times Square Overheard by: Cracka Jack

Today, He is Truly an African-American

Black guy: Good god. I had to actually work today.
Indian chick: By “work” you obviously mean taking credit for the many hours of hard labor endured by my fellow Indian IT brethren who report to you. You exploiting bastard.
Black guy: Ha, ha. Like slavery. But I’m Black.
Indian chick: Oh, the wicked irony.
Black guy: Word. –Wall Street Overheard by: drama

But Those Are the Only Presidents We’ve Had Who Were Related, Right?

Man looks down at Time magazine with Theodore Roosevelt on the cover. Man: Wait. We had two President Roosevelts? When did that happen?
Supervisor: Yeah. There was, um, [looks at cover] Teddy, and, uh, shit. What was the other one named?
Man: I don’t know. Shit, man, history’s hard because, you know, there’s just so much of it. It’s, like, impossible to really understand it, I think.
Supervisor: Yeah, that’s true. –K-Mart, 9th St & 4th Ave Overheard by: appalled customer buying swim trunks

Just tell him “PLUCK U”! It’s the name of your fucking store!

Crazy customer: So you’re the manager?
Manager: That’s right.
Crazy customer: OK, then I needed to talk to you. Now, I’m not trying to get anyone in trouble. But this order is for my boss and she’s a flat out bitch.
Manager: OK…
Crazy customer: The last time I was here, I ordered your boneless wings. And I got buffalo wings.
Manager: Wow, I’m sorry about that.
Crazy customer: Then I’ve got to go back to the office and hear about it. And your man there wasn’t being helpful at all.
Manager: Well, try to put yourself in his shoes. Sometimes things get really busy and you can get swamped being the only guy at the register, and maybe you’re not as polite as you should be.
Crazy customer: I worked at Wendy’s, McDonald’s AND Kentucky Fried Chicken at the Junction. I took a lot of crap from general managers.
Manager: Right.
Crazy customer: If someone wanted their sandwich upside down, that’s how I gave it to them. I got buffalo wings and then I’ve got to eat it. I don’t want them!
Manager: Well, here’s your order. Thanks for saying something.
Crazy customer: So this is ten boneless wings?
Manager: Yes.
Crazy customer: Thanks. I didn’t want to get anyone in trouble. It’s just that I’m going to hear it from her if it’s wrong, and she’s a bitch. She just called me and she wanted me to get her to downtown Brooklyn in an hour. Excuse me? Do I have a rocketship?
Manager: Right, right.
Crazy customer: So these aren’t buffalo wings, right?
Manager: Ten boneless wings with bleu cheese. –Pluck U., East Village

John Lennon: “All You Need Is Wednesday One-Liner”

Guy on cell: Well, I love you. Hit that little Jewish kid in the back of the head, and I love you. –St. Mark's Guy to girl: Yeah, yeah, totally. I love turning nouns into verbs. –Grahm Ave & Conseleya Overheard by: Minna Girlfriend to boyfriend: I love it when you goat me. –95th St & Broadway Overheard by: John Staples manager to coworker: I love these staples! –Staples Store Overheard by: venniblue Guy to girlfriend: Reacharound equals love. –11th St & 3rd Ave