Archive for the ‘Bosses’ Category

JWowsday One-Liners

Older black man to younger black man: Yeah, cause you don't need to say you're from the Jers to pick up chicks, they ain't like that here, son. I mean, if she's mad hot then you can clue her in that you're from Jersey, but only if you think she can appreciate your flow… –Lafayette & St. James Frat boy crossing street: Butthole in New Jersey. –Flatbush Ave & 7th, Brooklyn Overheard by: Hunter Stoned-looking teen to friend: Are you from New Jersey? Maybe you told me, but I can just, like, sense it… –Union Square Overheard by: wgoddessw Guy to friend: Yeah, man, I was watching that show Jersey Shore the other night… Makes me glad I live on Long Island. –Penn Station Overheard by: Fistpump like a champ Stressed film major: You are going to give me that fucking power chord. Then I'm going to punch you in the vag. Then you're coming to New Jersey with me. –Tisch School of the Arts Overheard by: Bruce Lee

Wednesday One-Liners Will Leave You Spellbound

Man on BlackBerry: Yeah, it's about a freaking partnership. And there's no "I" in partnership. –Washington Square Park Subway announcer: There is a downtown b train approaching 96th Street. That is "b" as in "delta." –86th St Subway Station Manager, looking at display that has been knocked over: This place is trashed. T-r-s-h-a-e-d! Trashed! (awkward silence from employees) What? What did I say? –Bed Bath & Beyond Overheard by: Melissa Theater tech guy on phone: So you're saying every time Sesame Street was brought to you by the letter "b," you cried? If that's the case, I'm really sorry. I'm really sorry I offended you with a letter. –50th & 9th

If the Wednesday Fits, One-Liner It

Young thug to friends: Stop, stop, stop! Stop, seriously, stop. C'mon, I'm not kidding! Seriously. I have shoe phobia! –Metro-North Rail Guy with shoe in hand, catching up to woman who lost it: Here you go, Cinderella! –Manhattan Mall Overheard by: thorn Manager of ladies' shoe store: It's easy to close. You put the hooker boots–all this hoochie stuff, with the hooker boots, you put the flats with the flats, you put the day shoes with the day shoes. Now, Narnia over there is another story… –Macy's Overheard by: Sarah R Chick to guy: If you buy me Jimmy Choos, I'll have your baby. –Rockefeller Center Overheard by: Lets hope she'll have the baby anyway… Four-year-old girl stepping out of taxi: Mommy, can we go online to buy shoes today? –Upper West Side Overheard by: …wow.

You Can't Say “Engelbert Humperdinck” in a Gay Bar, Sir

Bar patron, listening to Sweet Caroline: Wow. I've never heard this version before. It's cool! Who's singing?
Twinkie bartender: It's from that show Glee. I've never heard the original, though. Whose song is it?
Bar patron: Oh, man, that takes me back. Englebert Humperdinck. A guy named Englebert Humperdinck–he wrote it for Caroline Kennedy. –Gay Bar, West Village Overheard by: Bob

Wednesday One-Liners, Unfiltered

Social studies teacher: Sometimes this class just makes me want a cigarette and a stiff drink. To bad I don't smoke anymore. Well, cigarettes, at least. –Hunter College High School Girl to friend: What I really want right now is a whippit and two cigarettes. –NYU Dorm Subway girl: You know, he smokes a lot for being crippled. –N Train High school boy: You know Danny? He's been smoking since he was in second grade. –Cold Stone Creamery Overheard by: Kristina Old lady to store owner: I just got out of the hospital. Can I have a lighter? A BIC one. –Amsterdam & 88th St Overheard by: Beez and Newb

Wednesday One-Liners Have Fallen Upon Hard Times

Hobo: Can you spare some change? Selfish fucking morons! Can you spare some change? Selfish fucking morons! Can you spare some change? I love you. –Broadway & 9th St Hobo to everyone on train: Stand clear the closing doors, ladies and gentlemen. Please watch the gap between the train and the platform. Walk over it, not in it. Your safety is my number one priority because: without you, I don't eat. –4 Train Crazy hobo to man: I don't want your change. I want that! (points to man's crotch) –F Train Hobo: Can you spare me 600,000 dollars? –Broadway & 97th St Overheard by: Martijn H Drunk hobo to restaurant owner: Oh, man, I've missed you! You haven't cursed me out in forever! –Restaurant, Ave A & 7th St Overheard by: Tigertail

Wednesdiverse Multi-Liners

Soulful black man: Well, think about this. A white man lived in Graceland, a black man lived in Neverland. (nods knowingly) –Downtown A Train Overheard by: Bearsian Gallery director to intern: So after he was arrested we sent a letter to Henry Gates asking him for money, you know, since we are a multicultural organization. –Lower East Side Art Gallery Latina to Latino: Latinos and black people can't be racist. That's, like, just white people. –Red Hook, Brooklyn White hobo: When I see a black nigger together with a white nigger, that just confuses the hell outta me. –Houston & Clinton Woman: She likes black dogs because she's black, and I like white dogs because I'm white. –Upper West Side Overheard by: Yehuda

Standby for the World's First $12 Cup o' Cocoa

Patron to bartender goon: I'll have a hot cocoa, please.
Bartender goon: Cocoa? What the fuck do I know about cocoa? –Diner, 14th St & 6th Ave Headline by: Leary Blaine Runners-Up:
· “His Mom Used to Give Him Beer Before Bedtime” – Vasyl
· “It’s Like a Hot Carl, but with Marshmallows” – I’ll have one straight up
· “It’s Like a Sex on the Beach, Only with Dark Sand” – Sandy Paws
· “Just Kidding… Password Accepted; Third Door on Your Right” – Dustin
· “The Same Question That Got Him Fired from Starbucks” – version
· “Unless You’re Referring to That Stripper That Used to Work Here” – Ramsey
· “Way to Go Glen Cocoa” – Mean Girlz
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