Archive for the ‘Bouncers’ Category

The People's Republic of Wednesday One-Liners

Wasp woman, looking at Asian Peoples exhibit: Oh, honey, look, that woman looks just like that woman at that Chinese food place we like! –Museum of Natrual History Overheard by: Heather Older man to Chinese friend: You know, Caucasians really can't tell the difference between the Asians and the Chinese. –23rd St b/w 5th & 6th Ave Overheard by: James Burly bouncer to burnt-out groupie: Don't think of it as a finger, think of it as an Asian penis. –11th & 3rd Tourist on cell: I think I'm heading towards Little Italy, but all I see are Chinese people. I feel like fuckin' Marco Polo. Fuck man, where are you? (trips on curb and falls into pile of trash bags) –Canal St Giggling 20-something: So we hired a new intern, and she's Asian! –Murray Hill Overheard by: sab

Scenes from the Scene

Dude: Shit in the pussy!
Wolf Parade singer: …Did someone just say “shit in the pussy”? –Bowery Ballroom, Delancey Street Overheard by: claudia gallego Suit: Hey asshole standing up, sit the fuck down!
Hipster guy: Hey asshole sitting down, stand the fuck up!
Suit: I didnt pay $800 to look at the back of your head!
Hipster guy: Come down here and try something and i’ll sue your ass! Nice suit, fag! –Cream Concert, Madison Square Garden Overheard by: zetasmack Girl: Hey, you guys were great. If you’re not doing anything after, call my number, I wrote it next to the monument [on this dollar].
Jurassic 5 singer: Wow..uh, great. Take care, now.
Girl: Yeah, see you later.
Jurassic 5 singer: …Dude, she just gave me her phone number. You take it.
Guy: Yeah? Wow, thanks!
Jurassic 5 singer: Yeah, but buddy, you make sure you tap that shit, now, y’hear? A’right. –70th & Broadway Overheard by: Sharon B Pat O’Brien: Um, excuse me…
Bouncer: Oh shit, that’s Pat O’Brien, that’s my peoples.
Guy: …Aw, come on, we’ve been waiting out here for an hour and Pat O’Brien gets in?
Bouncer: Yo, don’t step, Pat O’Brien is good peoples. –Canal Room, West Broadway Drag queen: Madonna should die! She sucks! She’s a rapist, not an artist!…Madonna should die! I’ll kill her!
Guy: Get a vagina, bitch! –The Roxy, West 18th Street Overheard by: G-Lock

Wednesday One-Liners Take Occasional Breaks to Eat and Shower

Mini-skirt on cell: Just because I had sex with you doesn't mean I gave you my phone number! –52nd & Lexington Brunette with a booty on her cell: You're going to be a whore this summer. (quick pause) Can you start by coming out here and whoring yourself?! –Penn Station Hot brunette on cell: Ohmigod. How does he do those backflips? He's like 6 feet tall and super built. He probably gets so much ass. Whatever, I would totally be his groupie. –Midtown East Overheard by: damn i'd be his groupie too Bouncer to bouncer: The bible does say "Be fruitful and multiply." It doesn't say "with one person." –West Village Overheard by: Bible Fan Chick: I'm not a whore, but I am not gonna miss out on a chance to fuck that bitch's boyfriend. Plus, she owes me like 30 bucks. –L Train Overheard by: Kelly

What Happened to You, Alex P. Keaton?

Banker guy: I hope you have bail money.
Bouncer guy: Fuck you.
Manager guy: What’s the problem here?
Banker guy: He shoved me.
Manager guy: I don’t know anything about that, but you didn’t bring ID.
Banker guy: I have my Dartmouth ID and my Goldman Sachs ID. –outside Brass Monkey, Little West 12th Street Overheard by: pb dot c

Like Squeezing a Stress Doll

Bouncer: Nice. Are those real?
Hottie: What do you think?
Bouncer: Can I check?
Hottie: You can poke at ’em, just don’t feel them up. He does so. Bouncer: You can tell that they’re fake.
Hottie: Well, they’re bigger than they used to be. –Club Spirit, Chelsea Overheard by: Johnny Envelope