Archive for the ‘Bouncers’ Category

It's Bad Enough I Already Think About Aunt Phyllis

Clearly drunk college student: Dude, I need advice. If you meet this really hot girl that happens to have the same name as your mother, do you still do her?
Bouncer: Hell yeah. Why not? She's hot, right?
Clearly drunk college student: Ugh, I don't know. I don't want to think of my mom the whole time. I can't do it. –Walker & Church

Wednesday How-Many-Liners?

Tourist, looking at buildings across from Central Park: So which one is the Statue of Liberty? –Columbus Circle Girl: Are pork chops made of lamb? –23rd & Park Ave Overheard by: Nora Claire Girl to bouncer at bar: Does this place have really awesome bathrooms? –East Village Overheard by: bb Tourist: Is Chinatown closed? –Canal St Overheard by: Kristen Hippie at exhibit for world's most extreme animals: Are they alive? –Museum of Natural History Overheard by: gregumsdagreggy Lady on cell: Times Square's where that ball is, right? –42nd St & 6th St Overheard by: tourists rock Guy: What is this? So I sign up and get a free beer? –Designated Driver Booth, Citi Field Overheard by: AJ

Wednesday One-Liners Are Growers, Not Showers

Bouncer on phone: I don't care if they is balding, got big guts or little dicks! –Houston & Lafayette Overheard by: chiddox Flaming gay man to lover: You have a small dick that never gets erect, and you are not in my will! –Avenue St John & Kelly Streets, Bronx Overheard by: Li'l Squeaker Hobo: Stop controlling my eyeballs to look at your dick! –Times Square 30-something man: Waaaaait, did they say "dick in cider" or "dick inside her"? –7th St & St. Mark's Overheard by: Juicy High school kid: I wish I had two dicks. (pause) So both of my hands have something to do in class. –Q27 Bus Stop Overheard by: cough.cough.cough Woman on phone: It's not about you, it's about your small dick. –Times Square Girl to friend: So you're going to tutor his dick, right? –University & 10th St

It's Hard to Go Back to Vanilla Once You've Had M&M

Bouncer: What is *with* you tonight?
Girl promoting free comedy show: I had sex last night and I want everyone to be happy for me! His ball sack melted in my mouth! (to passerby) Free comedy show downstairs tonight! (a second later, screaming across the street) His ball sack melted in my mouth! –Bleecker Street Overheard by: Sarah Booz

Are You Pre-op or Post-op, Wednesday One-Liners?

Pragmatic bouncer: Well, there weren’t enough women there, so we threw in a tranny… –Broadway Caribou Coffee Overheard by: jenny Lui Man, to friend: So, he says to me "Oh, I have a sex-change operation scheduled for that day, so I can’t make it." –46th, b/w 8th & 9th Overheard by: christine 30-something woman with nose ring, on cell: She’s like a transvestite… And an ugly bird. She’s like a transvestite and an emu. [pause] It’s a really ugly bird. –7th Ave Overheard by: James from Jersey Guy: So then I was like, suck my twat! –21st & 6th 20-something girl: I had him as both a man and a woman. –17th St & 5th Ave Overheard by: Tater Dude: It’s been ages since I had testicles! –Grand Sichuan, St. Mark’s Place Overheard by: Rose Fox

Wednesday One-Liners for the Polyglots

Frustrated bouncer: You don’t speak Spanish, you don’t speak Chinese, what the fuck do you speak? –Broome Street, Chinatown Woman, talking to friends: And I love how his "Dominican" wife has an Irish accent. –109th & Broadway Overheard by: Cassandra Crazy guy running: The British are coming! The British are coming! –8th St & 6th Ave Woman talking to friend: So this Chinese guy told me he was speaking Vietnamese. I never knew that Vietnam was in china! I felt so ignorant after that. –St. Mark’s & 1st Ave 30-something woman to her female friend: I didn’t know he was gay. I just thought he was French. –E 34th St Foreign woman, after the entire audience has been screaming "Cunt! Cunt!" at the end of "Reclaiming Cunt" during "The Vagina Monologues": I think my English is improving! –New School