Archive for the ‘Boyfriends’ Category

Nah, She’s Faking the Hysteria, Too

Boyfriend: I’m sorry, I just can’t be with you anymore. You’re too clingy.
Girlfriend: I’m not clingy! I fucked, like, ten other guys!
Boyfriend: While we were dating?
Girlfriend: Whatever, it was because you’re not that good in bed. Oh, yeah, I faked all my orgasms, by the way. And my boobs? –Aren’t water balloons!
Boyfriend: Dude. First of all, we’re on a motherfucking-packed subway. Second of all, being a crazy bitch isn’t going to help your case.
Girlfriend starts crying hysterically: You can’t break up with me! I love you! I love you! I love you!
Stranger, to boyfriend: If you’re thinking of killing yourself after this, I sell knives.

–Brooklyn-bound L train

Everyone Can See and Hear Tila Tequila

Large drunk tattooed man: So wha’s your story? You in school?
Kid next to him: Yes …
Large drunk tattooed man: Never went to school. Know why? Cuz I’m schizophrenic!
Man’s girlfriend: There you go again, sweetie. [apologetically] He means manic depressive.
Large drunk tattooed man: No, I do not, bitch! I’m schizophrenic!
Man’s girlfriend: Honey, the doctor told you you’re manic depressive.
Large drunk tattooed man: I’m schizophrenic, bitch! I see shit! I hear shit talk to me! I get pills! I don’t take ‘em, but I get ‘em! I! Am! Schizophrenic!
Man’s girlfriend: I am so tired of this argument …

–G Train

Overheard by: I really WOULDN’T argue such a point

Ever Get the Sense That Every Day Is Like an Episode Of Springer?

Tall, gorgeous girl to much shorter, uglier boyfriend: Why do you need to know were I was last night? I thought you said our relationship was all about trust!
Boyfriend: I'm your boyfriend! I have a right to know where you were and who you were with!
(as they stop walking and argue loudly, a small crowd begins to gather)
Tall girl
: Do you thing I was cheating? Why would you think that? You're the one that said you're the only one that will ever love me!

(crowd boos boyfriend)
Boyfriend
: I am the only man that will ever love you!

Random guy in crowd: I love you!
Boyfriend: You love me?
Random guy: No you douchebag, your girlfriend!

–Broadway & Wall St.