20-something man walking into restaurant: I'd never bring my grandmother here for a date!
–27th & Lexington
Teen: That shit was sick! That shit was sick! I wanna go home and slap my grandmother!
–94th & Amsterdam
Overheard by: Slapped her how?
Ghetto dude in fight with girlfriend: Your grandmother is a bitch!
–Murray St & Church St
Guy to friend: My grandma used to chase us around with fly swatters…
–Houston & Allen
Archive for the ‘Boyfriends’ Category
Wednesday One-Liner Can Be Made Of Ivory, Glass, Rubber and Sometimes Wood
Loud girl to friend: How the hell do you lose your vibrator?
–4th St & 2nd Ave
Guy on cell: Yeah, I'm just waiting in line at Whole Foods. Still want me to bring the dildo over?
–Whole Foods
Gay man to boyfriend: I'm glad we could come here and show your coworkers that we really do buy lube for our sexual adventures.
–The Leather Man
Overheard by: i don't go to sex shops with my boyfriend
Creepy older man on phone: Someone should really dildo her.
–5th Ave & 58th St.
Overheard by: Courtney
Girl, loudly: Why didn't you tell me you bought lube?!
–Crowded NYU Elevator
Overheard by: S
Large woman to group of friends: And if someone asks a question, I just wave a dildo in front of their eyes!
–Brooklyn Museum
Overheard by: Liat
Is Anyone Crazier Than White People? Discuss.
Intelligent-looking girlfriend: How's she going to run a marathon in 60 minutes?
Intelligent-looking boyfriend, indifferently: It's impossible.
Intelligent-looking girlfriend: I mean, not even those crazy black people can run that fast.
Intelligent-looking boyfriend, unfazed: I know.
Intelligent-looking girlfriend: I mean, I can't even drive that fast in the city!
Intelligent-looking boyfriend: Um… I hope you can go 26 miles in one hour.
Intelligent-looking girlfriend: Oh, right. I'm sorry. I was thinking 60 miles an hour. It's the vodka talking. Now kiss me once nicely, without whiskers.
(two minutes later)
Intelligent-looking girlfriend: I remember the first time I showered with you and I had this big snot coming out my nose.
Intelligent-looking boyfriend: I remember the first time I slept with you, and farted a lot.
–1 Train
Overheard by: Rick
Um, Why Do You Think Mirrors Were Invented?
Girlfriend: So, you want to make out?
Boyfriend: Both of us?
Girlfriend: Uh… yeah, generally that's how it works.
–A Train
And Flip-Flops in New York– Explain.
Woman standing in the rain, yelling at boyfriend: No! I'm not walking there! This water is dirty!
Another woman, passing by: Of course it's dirty, it's on the street. Are you fucking kidding?
–86th St & Madison Ave
Overheard by: she's not.
Wednesday One-Liners, from the Redwood Forest to the Gulf Stream Waters
Very heavy ten-year-old boy, yelling excitedly: I heard they have bacon flavored popcorn in Florida! I love the south!
–Flushing, Queens
Hipster girl on cell: The entire state of Mississippi isn't a complete waste of space, even though it seems like it right now.
–Atlantic & Smith, Brooklyn Heights
Wino, grabbing can of beer: Here's 15 cents. I'll get the rest of it for you today. I promise! I'm from Georgia, I know how this shit works!
–Deli at 33rd & 7th
Overheard by: EthanK
Loud girl to friend: Maria? Maria's not dead, Maria's in Virginia?
–BxM10 Bus
Overheard by: bxgirl
Girl to boyfriend: I mean, when someone says they're throwing an "Iowa State Fair"-themed wedding, you don't think twice about going!
–30th Ave, Astoria
A Guy's Not Allowed to Make a Radom Observation?
Young boyfriend, as Madonna's “holiday” comes on: You know, I have always hated Pat Benatar.
Older girlfriend, spitting out beer: Well, that's good honey, because this is Madonna.
Tattooed bartender chick: Pathetic.
–Lower East Side
Overheard by: Cougar Hunter
Cue Pat Benatar
Girlfriend: I just don't get people.
Boyfriend: I love you.
Girlfriend, panicked: No, you don't!
Boyfriend: But I do!
Girlfriend, walking away mumbling: I just do not get people!
–Central Park
Wednesday One-Liners Love You Long Time
Cop to 7-Eleven employee: Man, I saw the hottest hooker last night!
–23rd St
White guy: People in Boston really like whoremongering, I guess.
–Park Slope
Overheard by: Ladle
Man on cell: But I'm the best escort in the country!
–Chelsea
Man on cell: I used to pay for hookers.
–10th St & 2nd Ave
Overheard by: nomo
Man on phone: The Caribbean thing… No, not the prostitute.
–Fulton St
Thugette to boyfriend: You don't have to go to Vegas to get a hooker, honey, you can just go to Atlantic City.
–Staten Island Ferry
Weren't You Listening? It's a Mammal Thing.
Hot Asian boyfriend: Yeah… Once, I was really wasted and I had to piss so badly. I just pissed in the cab that I was in.
Pretty Asian girlfriend: You mean you pissed in your pants in a cab?
Hot Asian boyfriend: No, stupid! Right before I got out, I whipped it out and just pissed as quietly as I could.
(Pretty Asian girlfriend stops walking and just stares at him)
Hot Asian boyfriend: What?
Pretty Asian girlfriend, looking away: Poor cab driver! Oh, that poor soul… Who am I dating? (shakes head)
Hot Asian boyfriend: What? A man's got a right to mark his territory sometimes. Dogs do it too!
Pretty Asian girlfriend: Did you own that taxi cab?
Hot Asian boyfriend: No.
Pretty Asian girlfriend: Then why the hell did you pee on something that wasn't yours?
–Astor Place
Overheard by: poor cab driver