Man: What do you want to be when you grow up?
Boy: Generally impressive.
–Riverside Park
Overheard by: Michael
Archive for the ‘Boys’ Category
Raise Your Hand If This Makes You Sad
Girl, after boy flirtatiously bites her arm: Motherfucker!
Boy: I am.
Girl: What?
Boy: I fucked a mother.
Girl: You have?
Boy: Yeah, I fucked a girl who had an abortion.
–East Village
All Couples Eventually Become Lesbian Couples, Anyway
Girl #1: Man, I am so excited to just move.
Boy: When you move in with me, can we get a Chia pet?
Girl #2: Oh, girl, watch out. You get a Chia pet and it's a slippery slope. Next thing you know, you and Cliff will be wearing cat sweatshirts and writing fan fiction.
Boy: That's gonna happen in secret.
Girl #1: Whatever, bitch, we're gonna grow herbs.
–The Met
The Lost Scene from Stand By Me
Boy #1: I'll strip for a dollar.
Boy #2: That shit ain't legal.
Boy #3: It's legal in my book!
–125th St
Wednesday One-Liners with a Reservoir Tip
Girl on cell: I don't need anything else. I've got 20 dollars, my phone, and a condom.
–11th & 3rd Ave
Overheard by: Alex
Flamboyant boy on cell: Wait, where are you? What are you doing? Please tell me you'll wear a condom. (pause, then boy's face grows increasingly horrified) Several condoms.
–Dining Hall, NYU
Street vendor next to hot dog vendor: Get your Obama condoms! They go great with a pretzel!
–Times Square
Overheard by: not another tourist
15-year-old girl: Damn, nigga, I hope you flushed the condom, cuz they be using turkey basters for other shit now. They be taking the condom from the trash can and suck up the cum and put it in theyselves. I know, cuz I messed with a few niggaz who be telling me and I learn in sex ed!
–74 Bus, Staten Island
I Know a Guy
Girl: I normally go to planned parenthood for my STD tests.
Boy: Oh, no. I don't go to fancy places like that. I cart my ass to the projects for my tests.
–Water St & Wall St
Overheard by: Cheech
A Velociraptor? Bad Idea.
Whining young boy: I can handle it!
Stern mother: We have a dying hermit crab at home. You cannot handle it.
Whining young boy: But I'll feed it every day!
–3rd Ave & 16th Str
What Fun Would That Be?
Boy #1: What should we do tonight?
Boy #2: We should get a keg of root beer, and a keg of beer.
Boy #1: Or just a keg of beer.
–Fordham University
Overheard by: Amused Passerby
…At Least Until Someone Less Awkward Comes Along.
Girl: But I don't want you to feel awkward.
Boy: It's okay. I love you more than feeling awkward.
–South Street Seaport
I'll Take That As a Compliment.
Incredibly loud old black woman with cane, addressing two teenage boys with ponytails: Hey! You both got long hair! Are you faggots?
Boys, laughing: Nah, nah.
Loud black woman: You like dick?
Boy #1: Nah, we good.
Loud black woman: So you like pussy?
Boy #1: Yeah.
Boy #2: Yeah, we like pussy.
Random eavesdropping guy: I like pussy!
Loud black woman to boy #1: You a handsome motherfucker. You sure you don't like dick?
Boy #1: Yeah.
Loud black woman: Good. If you was a faggot I'd stick my cane up your ass.
–Uptown 1 Train