Archive for the ‘Breaking Up’ Category

Getting Wednesdayed Is Easy; Staying One-Linered Is Hard

Man to woman: Well, I've already been in two successful marriages… –Hudson River Park Talkative husband to blase wife: We've been married for over a year, who would not like us? –F Train Overheard by: Elise Girl: So, when you say "married," is that like "married-and-just-not-divorced-yet," or like "married-married-and-actually-living-together"? –6 Train Woman on cell: Well, it's a good thing you didn't marry Susan's brother, because he ended up losing a testicle. –DUMBO, Brooklyn Overheard by: Megan Woman on cell: Sorry, but if I wanted to be heavily sedated and drunk all day, I'd marry you. –Columbus Circle Overheard by: Josh Guy with eye patch: If a girl eats out your ass on the first date, you marry her! –77th & 34th

Nobody Knows the Trouble Wednesday One-Liners Seen

Hobo to white guy walking with three black friends: What's up, slave owner? –The Village Girl on phone: We should practice selling ourselves to each other. –Subway Sandwiches, 38th & 7th Crazy man on train: America! America! Anybody wanna buy some white people? –A Train Ditzy girl to friend: So I had this black boyfriend one time, and we had to break up because he kept talking about slavery. I was all, hello, I'm Czech, my people were slaves too. –Columbia University School of Social Work Overheard by: Eric Black toddler to mortified white nanny: Wanna play slave? –Carroll Gardens, Brooklyn

Isn't That What Divorce Court Is?

Blazed girl #1: So what I'm saying is: 50% of American marriages end in divorce and the other 50% end in death.
Blazed girl #2: There's no other way for them to end?
Blazed girl #3: Oh, I forgot: 1% of American marriages end in sending your husband to the moon.
Blazed girl #2: No seriously, there must be some other way.
Blazed girl #3: Oh, yes: 2% of American marriages end in feeding your husband to a whale. He's still alive, but he's inside a whale, so you're not married.
Blazed girl #2: But what about if you go to a foreign country and you're still married to your husband but you, like, marry all the other guys you want?
Blazed girl #4: Well, you're still married. Also, there's no country where that's legal. So, no.
Blazed girl #3: Oh, I forgot: 1.5% of American marriages end in putting your husband in a glass box, like in a cage. And watching him do tricks. –86 Bus Overheard by: I like Blazed Girl #3

Here’s Where the Story Ends, Wednesday One-liners

Hipster on cell: Best case scenario is: I talk, and you say
nothing. We have nothing to talk about. –65th & 2nd Overheard by: Gregorio and Robyn Queer: Instead of cheating, I define it as an indiscretion. –Posh, W. 51st Street Overheard by: Nick Salvato Dude on cell: … are breaking up…wha? no…I meant your voice is breaking up…nope…wha? no…I don’t want to break up with you…hello…hello… –West 4th & Macdougal Dude on cell: So how’s the single life?…Well, that’s good, because if you were pregnant, I’d stick my fist in your twat and pull that thing outta there…I said, I’d stick my fist in your twat. Yeah, I would…Because I’m not really ready to be a dad right now, you know? –LIRR Overheard by: maura johnston