Archive for the ‘Breaking Up’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners' Monogrammed Towels Say “W.O.L.”

Preppy teenage boy on cell: I use the word "ex" as a coping mechanism. She can have her name back once I'm healed. –Grand Central Transvestite on cell: I'm changing my name from Angela to Rachel. Angela sounds very Disney. I don't feel like Disney. I feel like a hard sound, like Rachel. –Pelham Bay Park Black guy: Shit be fucked up. Niggas got bitches' names. Bitches got niggas' names. –26th & 8th Overheard by: Withnail Yuppie to another: You know, man, I think you say my name more than your wife's. –62nd & 2nd Overheard by: The Vonz Upper East Side girl, seriously: You know what the first thing I look for in a gentleman caller is? His name. –89th St & 3rd Ave

People Move to New York to Escape Their Wednesday One-Liners

Man introducing lady friend to pal: This is Lucille, my ex-wife… She’s my second cousin… She was also my second wife. –136th St, Harlem Middle-aged woman: I have such a bad memory! I know, I know. I know. There are times I go to my daughter, ‘How do I spell my name?’ –D train Overheard by: Jess McGins Loud woman on cell: She’s evil! Don’t you know she killed mama? That’s the family secret! –Q83 bus Overheard by: It’s Jady, BiTChesss!! Guy talking on cell: I completely understand that she was pissed off, but I mean, come on! She did hit her sister in the head with an iron! –11th Ave Lady: So, I bought my niece a gift. I don’t know why… She’s such an ungrateful little bitch. –Grand Central Man on cell: … So she said, ‘There’s no easy way to tell you this, so I’m just gonna say it… You have a four-year-old son.’ –26th & Park Overheard by: Nick

My Other Option Is to Be Baked Into the Wedding Cake

White guy talking about his ex-girlfriend: Then she was like “Oh, I’m getting married. I want you to be part of my wedding.” She was like “You can be my brides-man.”
Even whiter friend: What? Like a groom?
White guy: No! A brides-man. –6 Train Overheard by: playtoe