Archive for the ‘Brits’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners–No Apologies Necessary

Suit on cell: I swear, I’m going to make her the sorriest crippled girl in New York. –Avenue C Hipster on iPhone: Hello? I’m sorry. I can’t hear you–I have an iPhone. –6th & 27th Hipster girl to out-of-town friend: Sorry about the smell, this area just recently gentrified. –Orchard Street b/w Broome & Grand Loud, drunk, British girl to boyfriend: We don’t know each other’s minds -we can’t read each other’s minds! So when you do something I don’t like and I tell you and then later you do something I don’t like and I tell you again… Well that’s two sorries in one day! And "sorry" is just a word, but you’re learning about me! About my mind. –Broadway & Waverly Overheard by: rpk Woman on cell: Oh sorry, I have to go. Remember that woman that got pregnant by a bear? Yeah, I just ran into her. –Astor Place Dominican to friend: And just wait until I tell them all he’s Dominican… he’ll really be sorry then! –5th Ave, near Empire State Building Overheard by: Rich Mintz

This Is a Drawing of a Teapot, Ma’am

Pharmacist, coming out from behind counter: So how can I help you?
British tourish: Well, I have a headache and a bit of a sore throat and [pulls out piece of paper, shows to pharmacist] I am not sure, but I think this is illegal in the United States. –Duane Reade, 47th & Lexington Overheard by: EthanK

Tour De Wednesday One-Liners

Fat tourist: Exactly, like, I know Disney trivia, but of course I don't know general trivia. –Ellis Island Overheard by: Cat Female tourist with Irish accent, reading leaflet: Jaysas lads, it only took them 14 months to build this, I wonder if it's okay like. –Empire State Building Overheard by: joanie Tourist gazing up at the Empire State Building: They sure could fit a lotta hay in there! –Outside Empire State Building Overheard by: Duppy Tourist: Where do they keep the cemeteries around here? –Next to St. Paul's Cemetery/Church Female tourist: Oh my god, I can't believe we're on the 6… Just like J.Lo. –Downtown 6 Train Overheard by: Courtney C. Overzealous British tourist father, pointing at map: Okay, everyone. We're passing by Madison Square Gardens. They must be lovely at this time of year. We're on the Metropolitan Line, see? The Met Line. Just like in London. We're going to get off at Rector Street. It's the last stop before Brooklyn, so if we miss our stop, we'll be in Brooklyn, and we don't want that! Look, now there are no more numbers. When there are no more numbers in the station names, that means we're at the bottom of the underground. Oh, look, it's Chinatown. This is where all the orientals get off. –R Line Overheard by: office peon is one of those Orientals… Female tourist: Know what? Fuck it, I just want to go back to my hotel room and take a shit. –Canal St

Wednesday One-Liners Jill Off

Music manager on phone: You know what you need? Lesbians! Everyone needs a lesbian. –20th St & 5th Ave Overheard by: LoRna Lady on cell: And now she thinks I’m a lesbian because I borrowed her… –Union Square Greenmarket Overheard by: borrowed her what? Guy on cell: Did you bring chairs and a cooler? Cause usually lesbians are so prepared, they always bring chairs and a cooler. –Ludlow near Rivington English woman (trying on a pair of vintage men inspired shoes) to man: I always thought there was something very chic about a woman wearing a man’s shoe. (looks at her footwear) But I have to be skinny for this look, otherwise I’ll look like a lesbian! –Frock Vintage Store Overheard by: Shoegal Guy to friend: She isn’t a lesbian but she does own a house. –13th & 1st

I Wouldn't Expect Someone Who Uses Words Like “Elevator” and “Stroller” to Understand

British chick: I love my sneakers! They are designed to tone my calves.
American friend: Your sneakers are like the Twighlight vampires, lame and sparkly.
British chick: Yeah, but I'm gonna have the best calf muscles!
American friend: Okay! –AMC Loews Kips Bay Theatre Movie