Archive for the ‘Brits’ Category

Stop Fighting This Instant or We Will Turn These Wednesday One-Liners Around and Go Home!

British tourist to misbehaving child: Do you want a smacked bottom now or the other thing when we get home? –Central Park Overheard by: birdw0rks Mom to kid playing on shopping cart: You'd better stop that, or you're going to fall and crack your head, and I'm going to laugh, cuz I told you so. –Grocery Store Father to four-year-old son: Watch out, these people are trying to kill us. –36th St & 5th Ave Overheard by: benny Guy to son who is hesitant about seat in theater: If I had been this choosy with your mom, you wouldn't be here! –Park Slope, Brooklyn Mother to daughter: I don't want to hear about your hunger pangs right now. Now turn around and look at the sea lions. –Central Park Zoo Overheard by: kathcom

You Can't Judge a Wednesday by Its One-Liner

College student: This is the best Barnes & Noble I've ever seen! –Borders, Time Warner Center Student: So, the author of the Tao Te Ching, Lao-low… Fuck it, we're calling him L-train. –Eugene Lang College Overheard by: Harker Large woman with friends: Oh, girl, I got to tell you about this book I'm reading. It's off the hook! They're sending in this undercover agent, and I think it's his sister, but he's all getting ready to have sex with her! –White Castle, 36th & 8th Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster Woman on phone: I was in Union Square, so I stopped in Barnes & Noble. (pause) Nigga, I can read! –Union Square Little British boy: Oh my goodness, dad, look! They have books on dating. How to Date? is probably like, "Don't take her to McDonald's!" –Barnes & Noble Overheard by: Laura Tattooed artsy guy, putting hand on artsy Asian girl's shoulder: I read your book and really liked it… lotta pissing, huh? –Mott & Prince

Craptacular Wednesday One-Liners

Man on cell: My identity has totally shifted, and so have my bowel movements. –Prospect Park Overheard by: Mickey Smith Girl to another: I took a shit in Starbucks… did you take a shit in Starbucks? –Outside Starbucks Woman to friend: There were no feces for (pause) two days. –Canal and W Broadway Overheard by: LizzieD Girl in toilet stall, repeatedly: Someone pooped on the floor! This is so gross! Medieval freaks! And it's shaped like a dragon! Come here and look at it! –New York Renaissance Fair British woman to man she's walking with, as they look at a pigeon: Of course he doesn't have to sit down to poo, he's a bird! –Washington Square South Enraged crazy old lady feeding pigeons, to punk kid chasing pigeons: Eat the caca! Eat the caca! –48th & 8th Overheard by: ShaghouseGirls