Archive for the ‘Brits’ Category

Blow It Out Your Wednesday One-Liner

Well-dressed British man on cell, as he walks oddly: Listen girl, I farted so hard yesterday I blasted half my ass off. (pause) No, seriously! I am still walking funny! –24th St b/w 6th & 7th Overheard by: Joseph Teenage boy to another: One time this hot bitch farted on my lap, and I didn't know what to do. –12th St & University Place Crazy hobo sitting on blanket: I used to wear underwear, but then I farted and left a stain, so decided no more. Can anyone spare any change? –87th & Broadway Overheard by: Nynanny Girl from Louisiana: What can I say? I'm a Southern girl. I fart crawfish. –McLean Ave, Yonkers Woman on phone: Well, the romance is out of my life: this morning Greg came in my mouth, then straight away leaned back and farted. –Beard St & Van Brunt St, Brooklyn Overheard by: craig hunter

Only Wednesday One-Liners Bother to Look Up

British tourist, passing by The Pink Tea Cup Southern restaurant: Oh, look–an urban menu! –Bleecker & Grove Young Asian tourist girl: You mean, there's not actually any fields? –Strawberry Fields Overheard by: Jason K. Tourist, in thick Southern accent: I just don't understand how they turn the trains around so fast, and we don't see them do it! –Grand Central Station, Shuttle Train Overheard by: Sara Tourist hick teen to others: Everybody's wearin' shoes! –33rd St & 6th Ave Elderly tourist being escorted to her seat: Oh! I hope we get a booth! –Olive Garden Overheard by: EthanK Tourist to friend: No, we cannot go into a store. I cannot leave Broadway. How else would you expect me to get discovered? –Time Square

Frankly, I Don't Give a Dam.

Girl drafting floor plan: I've decided I'm going to open a funeral parlor that's sleek, modern and sophisticated. Someplace that doesn't look like your grandma just died there.
Female British classmate: That's awesome. My big idea is to start a protection service for lesbians.
Girl drafting floor plan: Like, security?
Female British classmate: No. Like, safe sex? –Interior Design Class, FIT