Archive for the ‘Bronx Science’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners Blame Their Mothers

CCNY student: I've always thought he has psychological problems. (pause) Like, he's one of those people that has to flip the light switch 17 times or the whole world dies. –Hallway, CCNY Overheard by: ladyliver Suit on cell: She is trying to get a good education so that she can pay for therapy later on. –1250 Broadway Loud male customer counting out packets of chewing tobacco: One! Two! Three! Four! Five! Six! Ever since I quit my job at Sesame Street, I can't seem to live my life. Kermit is my shrink, so of course I'm screwed… –Smoke Shop, Park Slope Overheard by: Kiri Dude hanging up his cell: Oh my god, I think all Jewish girls need therapy. –Good Stuff Diner, 14th St Overheard by: Kosi Suit on cell: Dude, I know, but like, you either get help, or you're normal. (pause) No, dude, pick one, get help or be normal. Damn. –Port Authority Overheard by: Sarah History teacher to class: Does that make you uncomfortable? Because I know I'm mental. –Bronx High School of Science Overheard by: Lillian

Public School Teachers Don’t Get Paid Enough

Student #1: Mr S., you have a big wenis.
Teacher: What!?
Student #1: “Wenis” is the extra skin at the back of your elbow.
(teacher grabs forearm)
Student #2: No, straighten your arm and grab the extra skin. If you pinch your wenis really hard it doesn’t hurt! Try it, pinch your wenis, Mr S. –Bronx Science Overheard by: LSB

Isn’t Being Killed by Naked Boy Tumors Kinda… Gay?

Chick #1: Wait, how many tumors does he have?
Chick #2: A bunch. They all have names, too. Jeff, Tom, Bill… I can’t remember the rest, but they’re names like that.
Chick #1: No girl tumors?
Guy: He doesn’t want his death to be caused by girls.
Chick #1: What about transvestites?
Guy: No, they don’t wear clothes.
Chick #1: Transvestites?
Guy: No, tumors. –Bronx Science Overheard by: LSB

Wednesday One-Liners Go Animal Crackers

Burly father to daughter, passing grizzly bears: I have no compassion for stuffed animals. –Bronx Zoo Overheard by: Tarah Guy to friend: I'm totally going to try to hook up with a dolphin when I'm in Cozumel. –St. Mark's & 3rd Girl: I would love to have sex with a cheetah! –Bronx High School of Science Overheard by: urbanadventurer Girl carrying reindeer head on bicycle rickshaw: It's not a moose head, it's a reindeer! –4th Ave & 3rd St Woman on cell: So are you still dating the tortoise man? (pause) So is this a good or bad thing? –Bergen & Court Overheard by: Staying away from the herpetarium

If Everybody You Meet Is a Wednesday One-Liner, Check the Mirror

Guy to friend: Yeah, Eric's an asshole, but he's like… my asshole. –11th & Broadway Overheard by: Z Man on cell: I enjoy sucking the wind out of assholes. –Brooklyn Public House Overheard by: In fairness, the conversation was about verbal bullies Girl: Wow, my asshole has just been all sorts of evil all day, I shat in four different bathrooms on this floor and the one up, so I wouldn't suffer alone. I shared its wrath. Is that wrong? –Office, Midtown Loud dude: My asshole is really fucking itchy! –Bronx High School of Science Overheard by: urbanadventurer Crazy hobo: Attention everyone! You're all assholes! Stupid assholes!! –Park Row, near Brooklyn Bridge Overheard by: Hollister

At This Point in Time, I Have No Recollection Of Those Wednesday One-Liners

Girl: I only remember things when I insult them! –Bronx High School of Science Overheard by: urbanadventurer College dude: I remember this place… We were here last night right before I blacked out! –St. Mark's Place Overheard by: Amanda Girl on cell: Okay, if you're stopping by my house, remember to bring that shirt you borrowed from me. Mmm-hmm. By the way, your husband wants to get it on with another dude. –Union Square Woman on cell: Alright, honey, have a fun bachelor party. Just promise me you'll get shit-faced, fall-on-your-ass drunk so you can't remember any of those strippers. Okay? –Prospect Park, Brooklyn Overheard by: Wait. What?

God's Chosen Wednesday One-Liners

Woman to friend: Look, I just don't want to be born again, okay? I saw how you attacked that Jewish woman in the airport. –Broadway & 10th St Overheard by: Stephanie Patron: Jews for Jesus are just reformed black panthers. –Turkish Kitchen, 3rd Ave Overheard by: Pola Student who has just drawn a stereotypical Jew to another who has drawn Jesus on the cross: Wait–wait, Jesus was Jewish? –Bronx High School Of Science, Judaic Cultural Society Girl at birthday supper: I get all Jewish and entitled when anyone tries to tell me "no!" –8th Ave & 43rd St Overheard by: Lankyguy Jock to another: And then he like tried to fuck me. I guess that's what I get for spending the night at a dude's house. I mean he was Jewish and all, so he was really nice but still… –23rd St & Lexington