Archive for the ‘Bronx Science’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners Are a Household Name

English teacher, telling student how to read play: Brian, you're like Martin Luther King meets 50 Cent! –English Class, Bronx HS of Science Overheard by: Lillian Woman answering cell on bus: You saw Beyoncé? (everyone stares) Sorry. Did you say, "Hi, fiancée," or "I saw Beyoncé"?" –126 Bus Loud fat hipster chick: So she said I'm like Britney Spears with Lindsay Lohan's body, because my weight fluctuates like Lohan's. And I'm okay with that, because you know what? Lohan is a great celebrity. I mean, look, Kate Winslet is lovely and all, but what is she doing tonight? Sitting on a couch somewhere, drinking moderately probably. What is Lohan doing? Probably something really gay and coked up. I'd rather be gay and coked up than drinking moderately on a couch, any day of the week. –Duane Reade Overheard by: Jas Metal kid: I smell like Robert Downey, Jr. –Don Pedro's, Boerum & Manhattan, Brooklyn Overheard by: LP Hobo: I always thought Madonna was a trashy white cunt. –Restaurant Row Overheard by: Al-master Guy to girl: You know, I'm sure you're a wonderful lover, and you don't need to be comparing yourself to Lance Armstrong. Like, that's just a fool's game. –Park Slope Overheard by: Helena

Wednesday Pun-Liners

Global teacher, about review packet: You must look at my package in order to see what’s there! –History Class, Bronx HS of Science Overheard by: Lillian Woman in business suit on cell: Yeah, work is crazy right now because I have a big release coming out next week. (pauses) That’s what he said. –26th & Park Overheard by: absnola Lady in the audience: Which one is Patti LuPone? –St. James Theater Dorky older guy to female bank teller (smiling): I’ve got a really big deposit for you.
(teller looks down and starts laughing) –Chase Bank, 24th & 7th Overheard by: Joe Timid Asian deli boy to deli owner: Excuse me, I don’t know how to do number two. –Deli, Union Square Black waiter to Asian female customer: Enjoy your black balls. –Ninja, Hudson St

Wednesday One-Liners Are Molding Young Minds

English teacher: Class, I’d like you to remember where the line is. It is always moving, and it is determined by me. –Bronx Science Overheard by: HJWC English teacher: I rose up into the air and flew out the window… You didn’t notice this? –Hunter College High Overheard by: stupid english student Old teacher: Okay, there are three rules in this classroom, and I am completely serious. Number one, no swearing. Number two, no scuffles. Number three, no sex until 3:20 when you can do what you want. –Grace Church School Teacher: I’m a huge fan of bathroom stall graffiti! My favorite from this school is in the third floor bathroom: ‘If you can read this, you are pooping.’ –Bard High School Early College Teacher to another: You are a hemorrhoid in my ass. –Brooklyn Tech Overheard by: Julie Health teacher: Drug abuse is a symptom of suicide. –Hunter College High English teacher: The next scene is about sex, so pay attention. You might learn something. –Brooklyn Tech Overheard by: Julie

Wednesday Blood-Liners

British lady: It must have eaten some rat poison, because it vomited up its innards and then had just enough strength left to crawl to the door before dying in a dainty pool of blood. –1 train Teacher to girl who just cut herself with Exacto knife: Would you stop leaking?! Your blood is going to stain the linoleum! –Bronx Science engineering class Overheard by: LSB Suit on cell: Why isn’t it done? Why isn’t it fucking done? Was it your intention to make my ass bleed today? Was it? –41st & Broadway Girl: My grandma always washes my bloody underwear. –1 train Guy to girlfriend: Your hair tastes like fake blood. –Mulberry St Overheard by: Ashley Teen chick on cell: I’m going to cut my arm tonight to show you how much I love you! Yes! I’m going to cut it off! Yes! I’m going to wipe all the blood on a napkin and give it to you. How much blood there is is how much I love you… Yes! I! Am! Well, I can’t think of another way to show you how much I love you. I have to prove it somehow! Oh, I have another call, I gotta go. –Staten Island Ferry Terminal Overheard by: still recovering Hobo, taking long drink from water fountain: Ahhh, water is good! It tastes like blood! –Port Authority Overheard by: Oh My God