Archive for the ‘Brooklyn’ Category

…But It Gets Blown a Lot.

Tall, hot hipster brunette: I mean, when I see girls flocking around him when he's DJing I just think “oh, they are DJ whores.”
Little Asian friend: Uh-huh.
Tall, hot hipster brunette: But this girl has never seen him DJ or anything. I don't get it. It's beyond my level of comprehension.
Little Asian friend: It's okay, me too.
Tall, hot hipster brunette: It's like he has a slut whistle and we cannot hear that frequency. –Brooklyn Overheard by: muffin

Bed, Bath, and Wednesday One-Liner

Hipstress to another: At least now if you find a baby on your doorstep, you'll have a dresser drawer to put it in. –Pete's Candy Store, Brooklyn Overheard by: Mat Freimuth Gamer on headset, freaking out: Oh my god, why would you move the couch!? Why the hell did you move it, idiot!? When you move a couch, bad things happen! Move the couch… You stupid… Oh my god. Wanna know why we all died after moving the couch? Because we moved the damn couch! –Glendale Middle-aged woman backing away from pink, cushioned chair for sale: Only $199? I wonder what it would be like to fuck on that chair! –Hamilton Heights Angry wife: No, it's fine, at least I finally know how you truly feel about throw pillows. –65th St & Broadway

Wednesday One-Liners Pretend They’ve Read Kerouac

Hipster chick: It costs like $280 to go blonde, which seems expensive but it’s totally worth it because then you’re blonde. –Hop Scotch Overheard by: bildita Hipster: My brother entitled all of his college essays "Heeeey Essaaaaay!" –Smith Street & President Overheard by: Michelle C. (drunk or ill hipster guy lying on stairs moans pitifully and vomits)
Hipster’s friend, looking away and pretending not to know him: Ha! Fag! –7th Ave Young hipster: Let’s face it, at some point I’m gonna be homeless. –Union Square Overheard by: Conti Hipster girl: Pickles are so in right now. –Renegade Arts Festival, Williamsburg

I Hope She Doesn’t Hanker for a Seeing-Eye Dog

Black chick: Yeah, I broke my sister’s knee with a baseball bat.
White chick: Wow, me and my sister had some bad fights but your’s top all our fights. You must really hate each other.
Black chick: No, I did it out of love.
White chick: What do you mean?
Black chick: My sister’s in the Army Reserve. They called her unit up to go to Iraq. I hit her on purpose so she wouldn’t have to go. I had to hit her twice to make sure her knee was broken. –Tillary Street, Downtown Brooklyn

Today’s Special: Passive Aggression

Waiter #1: Sit anywhere you’d like.
Guy: Thanks. Waiter #2 diverts him to a small table in an occupied section. Guy: So by “anywhere you’d like” you guys meant this exact table.
Waiter #2: Thank you. –Clark’s, Brooklyn Heights Overheard by: TG

Wednesday One-liners for Fuck Machines

Read My Lips, Wednesday One-Liners

Girl on cell: No I'm not bringing anything, this is not a date, it's 10 o'clock on a Friday night. I'm bringing my vagina, that's what I'm bringing. –Court St & 2nd Place Girl on cell: I mean, there's nothing obviously wrong with my vagina! –23rd & 7th Girl on bike: I feel like I've had a pencil up my vagina for 10 hours! –Hudson River Bike Path Distraught NYU student: I'm covered in vaginal cream. –NYU Dorm, Union Square Overheard by: Erica Fuld Hurried young guy on cell: Well, you can't just sniff anyone's vagina! –W 52nd b/w 9th & 10th Ave Gay on phone: But what does her vag look like? –Chelsea Overheard by: Liz