Archive for the ‘Brooklyn College’ Category

Do They Make a Glade Plug-In for Wednesday One-Liners?

Little girl, running along platform: Mommy! Mommy! Slow down! Mommy, it smells like penis in here! –Grand Central Girl to another: Do you have a hand wipe? I totally smell like rape right now. –44th St & Broadway Guy to friend: She said I smelled like shit and I said, "what like, asshole?" –59th St & Lexington Girl on phone: Your hands smell like what? Your hands smell like urine? Why would you say that? –Brooklyn College Hobo on overcrowded train: Ladies and gentlemen, my name is Homeless Ed, and I am homeless, and I smell like shit. If any of you can spare some change so I can buy some deodorant, it would be greatly appreciated. –Downtown A Train Overheard by: christopher james Female grad student on cell: Have you ever done the inter-borough walk of shame smelling like penis? –Columbia University Overheard by: Ladle Conductor: This is East Broadway station, and something smells yummy. –F Train

“That'sa Spicy Wednesday One-Liner!”

Drunk guy, matter-of-factly: Everyone comes in here and thinks they're smelling pot, when really they're just smelling Italians. –Hammerstein Ballroom Men's Room Young girl on cell: Well, I mean, I have eaten macaroni. Does that count as Italian? –Grand Central Overheard by: Kayla Monetta Man on cell: And this guy smelled like shit! (pause) Yeah, I told him, "you smell like Italian." –E 10th & 3rd Ave Overheard by: molina1230 Loud bridesmaid at Guido wedding: I'm Sicilian from the waist up, American from the waist down. –Brooklyn Botanic Garden College guy to friend: From the minute they got here, they started eating. Italian feasts are pornography. Italian food is illicit sex to the puritans. Everything the puritans eat is bland and brown. –Brooklyn College Middle-aged, pot-bellied guy with a long pony-tail, stopping young woman on the street: Excuse me, but I just want to say, once you've had Italian food, you're not hungry for anything else. I just ate a calzone and now I'm going to go home and just go to sleep! –8th St & Broadway Overheard by: Not hungry either

Wednesday One-Liners Sound Kinda Non-U

Student: Yeah, someone who plays the cello is a cellist, someone who makes art is an artist, and someone who writes poetry is a poist. –Hunter College High School Heavily accented Asian cashier to heavily accented Asian coworker: What!? Speaka English, por favor. –J2 Deli, W 18th St Overheard by: nick m Bimbo looking at scoreboard: I think the "e" stands for "exqualifications" You know, for when a player is "exqualified". –Yankees Stadium Lady: I know what I am, he ain't gonna labelize me. –Washington Square Park Real estate agent: And all the doormen and service staff are Easter European. –Park Avenue Overheard by: Looking for an apartment Ghetto college girl: I'll talk to you later, I gots to get my learn on, girl. –Brooklyn College Overheard by: Corey

The Non-Standard Usage Of Wednesday One-Liners

Guy on cell: There's a lot bruacracy in public social work… –Eastern Parkway & New York Ave Overheard by: jeff Woman on phone: Her mother is a bird. Her whole family is a flock of birds. I cannot even say how ghetto she is. She said, "columinate." I said, what? You mean "a-coom-a-late? –1 Train Preppy on cell: What's your next class? Professional rioting? –Fordham Girl: This class is skewered. There are only three guys and like twenty girls. Damn! –Brooklyn College Overheard by: Phil Guy to girl on train: She's just like "huh, brutha." It's like, embedded in them. They were breaded that way. –7 Train

What's So Deadly About Wednesday One-Liners?

Gluttony Cashier lady: Damn, thank the Lord it's Friday! I'ma go to the heights and get me some margaritas and some quesadittas and get drunk and fat and happy. Damn! –Duane Reade Overheard by: Sam Lust Woman to male friend: Oh, that sucks! I'm such a whore… –5th Ave & 12th St Greed Teenager on school field trip eating sushi and talking to chaperon: Daddy, can I borrow some money for the gift shop? My credit card is down to its last $200. –Metropolitan Museum of Art Cafe Sloth Hipster, seeing that there was construction on the train: Ugh, what are we–going to have to walk places now? –L Train Wrath Library staff: Group study room people, we know who you are. Because we have your IDs. Please come downstairs and pick them up so we don't have to unleash our wrath on you. –Brooklyn College Library Envy Two woman walking tall dog: I mean… can you believe that I used to carry him in my Givenchy bag and wrap him in cashmere as a puppy? I would be jealous! –Bleecker & Spring Pride Girl, grabbing her ass: Don't you just love my ass? My ass rocks. I love my ass! –Battery Park

Wednesday One-Liners Aren't Kosher

Suit on Bluetooth headset: You just lie on the ground and squeal like a pig! –Bryant Park Overheard by: Justin Chick on cell: A theatrical fashion show of people in assless pleather chaps and pig masks… –W 26th St b/w 7th & 8th Overheard by: Ladle Hipster chick: I love bulldogs; they're like little alien piglets. –9th St & 2nd Ave Sorority girl, walking dog, to friend: Didn't you have a pig you could squeeze and make poop come out? –113th St b/w Broadway & Amsterdam Overheard by: Ladle Professor: Your mother is a pigfucker. Now, I hope you don't all go home and cry because I said that. –Brooklyn College