Black girl on bluetooth headset: You want everyone to suck yo dick, dontcha? Dontcha?! You want everyone to suck yo dick! –W. 59th & 9th Ave Overheard by: Alexandra Twelve-year-old guido, near tears, doubled over in the street screaming on his cell phone: You sucked Charlie’s dick last night, you blow job! You sucked Charlie’s dick last night, you blow job! –Brooklyn 20 something blonde on cell: … Is that normal? [Pause.] No, it’s different every time, like it almost disappears… Then another time its all swinging and shit… Is that normal? [Listens.]Oh no! Thats just fine, like it gags me when … [Mumbles.] –LIRR Manager to employee: You are a cock guzzling thundercunt! –Chelsea Gay guy, to his friend: I mean…I may suck dick but at least I don’t take it up the ass. –16th & 9th Woman: Short of blowing him in MoMa, I really don’t know how to get his attention. –A Train Overheard by: Why MoMa?
Instructor: Mr. Hispanic man, talk to me. How do you like touching?
Student: I love it.
Instructor: How about a man touching you?
Student: Even better. –Brooklyn College classroom Overheard by: dp
Little girl, running along platform: Mommy! Mommy! Slow down! Mommy, it smells like penis in here! –Grand Central Girl to another: Do you have a hand wipe? I totally smell like rape right now. –44th St & Broadway Guy to friend: She said I smelled like shit and I said, "what like, asshole?" –59th St & Lexington Girl on phone: Your hands smell like what? Your hands smell like urine? Why would you say that? –Brooklyn College Hobo on overcrowded train: Ladies and gentlemen, my name is Homeless Ed, and I am homeless, and I smell like shit. If any of you can spare some change so I can buy some deodorant, it would be greatly appreciated. –Downtown A Train Overheard by: christopher james Female grad student on cell: Have you ever done the inter-borough walk of shame smelling like penis? –Columbia University Overheard by: Ladle Conductor: This is East Broadway station, and something smells yummy. –F Train
Heavyset guy: You should be out there with a camera, I'll be streaking.
Disgusted girl: I hope they withhold your degree. –Whitehead Hall, Brooklyn College
Drunk guy, matter-of-factly: Everyone comes in here and thinks they're smelling pot, when really they're just smelling Italians. –Hammerstein Ballroom Men's Room Young girl on cell: Well, I mean, I have eaten macaroni. Does that count as Italian? –Grand Central Overheard by: Kayla Monetta Man on cell: And this guy smelled like shit! (pause) Yeah, I told him, "you smell like Italian." –E 10th & 3rd Ave Overheard by: molina1230 Loud bridesmaid at Guido wedding: I'm Sicilian from the waist up, American from the waist down. –Brooklyn Botanic Garden College guy to friend: From the minute they got here, they started eating. Italian feasts are pornography. Italian food is illicit sex to the puritans. Everything the puritans eat is bland and brown. –Brooklyn College Middle-aged, pot-bellied guy with a long pony-tail, stopping young woman on the street: Excuse me, but I just want to say, once you've had Italian food, you're not hungry for anything else. I just ate a calzone and now I'm going to go home and just go to sleep! –8th St & Broadway Overheard by: Not hungry either
Chick: Professor, Dr. Roberts is looking for you.
Professor lady: No, she’s looking for the lobster. –Fordham University, Lincoln Center Overheard by: Procrastinatrix
Student: Yeah, someone who plays the cello is a cellist, someone who makes art is an artist, and someone who writes poetry is a poist. –Hunter College High School Heavily accented Asian cashier to heavily accented Asian coworker: What!? Speaka English, por favor. –J2 Deli, W 18th St Overheard by: nick m Bimbo looking at scoreboard: I think the "e" stands for "exqualifications" You know, for when a player is "exqualified". –Yankees Stadium Lady: I know what I am, he ain't gonna labelize me. –Washington Square Park Real estate agent: And all the doormen and service staff are Easter European. –Park Avenue Overheard by: Looking for an apartment Ghetto college girl: I'll talk to you later, I gots to get my learn on, girl. –Brooklyn College Overheard by: Corey
Guy on cell: There's a lot bruacracy in public social work… –Eastern Parkway & New York Ave Overheard by: jeff Woman on phone: Her mother is a bird. Her whole family is a flock of birds. I cannot even say how ghetto she is. She said, "columinate." I said, what? You mean "a-coom-a-late? –1 Train Preppy on cell: What's your next class? Professional rioting? –Fordham Girl: This class is skewered. There are only three guys and like twenty girls. Damn! –Brooklyn College Overheard by: Phil Guy to girl on train: She's just like "huh, brutha." It's like, embedded in them. They were breaded that way. –7 Train
Man to son: Ya like that cheesecake?
Son: Uh-huh, it's good.
Man: Go to school, get good grades, get a good job, you can have cheesecake like that whenever you want. –Dinner near Brooklyn Tech Overheard by: taylor Morgan
Gluttony Cashier lady: Damn, thank the Lord it's Friday! I'ma go to the heights and get me some margaritas and some quesadittas and get drunk and fat and happy. Damn! –Duane Reade Overheard by: Sam Lust Woman to male friend: Oh, that sucks! I'm such a whore… –5th Ave & 12th St Greed Teenager on school field trip eating sushi and talking to chaperon: Daddy, can I borrow some money for the gift shop? My credit card is down to its last $200. –Metropolitan Museum of Art Cafe Sloth Hipster, seeing that there was construction on the train: Ugh, what are we–going to have to walk places now? –L Train Wrath Library staff: Group study room people, we know who you are. Because we have your IDs. Please come downstairs and pick them up so we don't have to unleash our wrath on you. –Brooklyn College Library Envy Two woman walking tall dog: I mean… can you believe that I used to carry him in my Givenchy bag and wrap him in cashmere as a puppy? I would be jealous! –Bleecker & Spring Pride Girl, grabbing her ass: Don't you just love my ass? My ass rocks. I love my ass! –Battery Park