Two boys were playing on a fire escape. Boy #1: Okay. Now I’ll be the policeman, and you be the fireworks on Coney Island. –Windsor Terrace
Screaming Black woman: Don’t you raise a knife to me! Don’t threaten me! That is not professional service! Don’t you know how to serve customers? Never raise a knife to a customer! You’re just lucky that there isn’t a black man in here. –To the man behind the counter in Dunkin Donuts, downtown Brooklyn
Drunk: You are here all the time! How are you here all the time? I come in at 2PM, you’re here. I come in at 5PM, you’re here. You are always here! When do you sleep?
Cashier: I am a twin. –Park Slope bodega, 5AM
Old school Brooklyn guy: They closed off 150 blocks in DC for this inauguration and where do you think all the people that live on those blocks are gonna park, if not here in the five boroughs? –Greenpoint Overheard by: Didi Hylobates
Dude #1: That party was fun. It was hot, though.
Dude #2: Yeah, it smelled like hot ass in there. –Loews Hotel, Lexington & 51st Guy: Yo, she smelled like dead hell! –Flatbush
The cashier scans an old lady’s ricotta cheese.
Cashier: Why didn’t you get the bigger one?
Old Lady: ‘Cause I’ll eat it all! This way I have a limit. –Waldbaum’s, Bensonhurst
Old Coot: String beans.
Employee: How about green beans?
Old Coot: No, string beans!
Employee: I don’t see them!
Old Coot: You’ll find it.
Employee: You have to get string beans, you can’t get regular beans? –Waldbaum’s, Bensonhurst
German tourist: You can’t smoke inside and you can’t drink outside. What the hell do you people do in New York City? –Carroll Gardens Overheard by: Christopher
Hipster, sitting in a cafe for two hours chatting on his cell phone: You will never do anything if you procrastinate. –Atlas Cafe, Williamsburg
Recent college graduate #1: Have you ever seen an actual 8-track?
Recent college graduate #2: Yes, I’ve seen one–but I’ve never seen a movie on one. – Private apartment, Boerum Hill, Brooklyn