Archive for the ‘Brooklyn’ Category

Methinks the Lady Doth Protest Too Much

Puerto Rican Teenager #1 in Williamsburg: “Hey, calling someone else gay means that you’re gay!” Puerto Rican Teenager #2: “Are you calling me gay? ARE YOU CALLING ME GAY? I’m not gay! Bring any woman out here right now, and I will fuck her in front of you all, in front of the world. Anyone. Do it, right now! I will show the whole world that I am not gay! Do you hear me? Do you hear me? I AM NOT GAY!”

Blackout Fun

Hysterical Man: The bridge is swinging! Everybody get off the bridge!
Reasonable Man: It’s supposed to swing! This is a suspension bridge! –Brooklyn Bridge

Yes, We Sell Parrots

Customer: So what do I feed it?
Manager: Give it crickets, 2 or 3 times a week.
Employee: You’ve got to feed it crickets 2 or 3 times a week.
Manager: Otherwise it takes greens and fruit.
Employee: Or greens and fruit.
Customer: What kind of greens?
Manager: Lettuce.
Customer: Regular lettuce or romaine?
Manager: Romaine.
Employee: It needs romaine.
Manager: Kale, chard.
Employee: Kale, chard.
Manager: Anything leafy and green it’ll eat.
Employee: Anything leafy and green.
Customer: So it’s OK if I leave it for a weekend or a week?
Manager: Yeah, just throw some lettuce in there with it before you go.
Employee: You got that? –Petland Discounts, Bensonhurst