German tourist: You can’t smoke inside and you can’t drink outside. What the hell do you people do in New York City? –Carroll Gardens Overheard by: Christopher
Hipster, sitting in a cafe for two hours chatting on his cell phone: You will never do anything if you procrastinate. –Atlas Cafe, Williamsburg
Recent college graduate #1: Have you ever seen an actual 8-track?
Recent college graduate #2: Yes, I’ve seen one–but I’ve never seen a movie on one. – Private apartment, Boerum Hill, Brooklyn
Woman #1: That bad, huh?
Woman #2: And he stutters. I just want to smack him over the head. Spit it out! –Bensonhurst
Man: So you’ve had problems with customers before, huh?
Cashier: Just one guy. It was 4th of July weekend and he was going on about sour cream. He was the only one in the store. He started hitting me because he said I charged the wrong price. I kept telling him that he had to leave.
Cashier: Yeah, he was obviously going senile. I mean, I’d never hit anyone over sour cream! –Waldbaum’s, Bensonhurst
Cashier: Here’s your change. Have a good day.
Cashier: There’s no matches left, sorry.
Smoker: No matches? Without matches it’s not worth it. –Rite-Aid, Bensonhurst
Old Lady: And then she said she didn’t like him because he was too fat. She wanted to date someone skinnier. You know, like you?
Old Man: I’m skinny?
Old Lady: Of course.
Old Man: Then what’s this hanging off of me? –Brighton Beach
Teen: So this is what women mean when they complain about wearing diapers. –Bed-Stuy
20-something woman: You’re going to worship my mother when you meet her.
Man: I will?
Woman: Yes. Because I do. – Pizzeria, Boerum Hill
20-something Intellectual: Facts are such a distraction from the essence of what’s really happening.
–Private Party, Brooklyn