Deli guy (to another deli guy): He’s got a shrimp salad sandwich too. Here, I’ll mark the paper for you so you don’t get confused. I know your brain, it don’t work so good. Do you want me to write it in Mexican or in English?
Hipster screamed out: “Michael Bloomberg has electricity now!”
Hysterical Man: The bridge is swinging! Everybody get off the bridge!
Reasonable Man: It’s supposed to swing! This is a suspension bridge! –Brooklyn Bridge
Hipster: Man, it’s like…SoHo’s becoming the next Williamsburg. –SoHo
Girl: Can I bring mac and cheese to the porn show or is that tacky?
Guy: It’s not tacky; it’s necessary. –Bed-Stuy
Customer: So what do I feed it?
Manager: Give it crickets, 2 or 3 times a week.
Employee: You’ve got to feed it crickets 2 or 3 times a week.
Manager: Otherwise it takes greens and fruit.
Employee: Or greens and fruit.
Customer: What kind of greens?
Customer: Regular lettuce or romaine?
Employee: It needs romaine.
Manager: Kale, chard.
Employee: Kale, chard.
Manager: Anything leafy and green it’ll eat.
Employee: Anything leafy and green.
Customer: So it’s OK if I leave it for a weekend or a week?
Manager: Yeah, just throw some lettuce in there with it before you go.
Employee: You got that? –Petland Discounts, Bensonhurst
Where: Bedford Ave., Yuppietown Hobo: …and the rest of you will be buried in cement!
A woman is throwing up on the street. Another woman comes to her aid.
Florence Nightingale: Are you OK?
Pukerella: No, that’s OK. I just got somethin’ stuck in my throat. –Teachers College, Morningside Heights Overheard by: Derek Bacharach
Drunk: You are here all the time! How are you here all the time? I come in at 2PM, you’re here. I come in at 5PM, you’re here. You are always here! When do you sleep?
Cashier: I am a twin. –Park Slope bodega, 5AM
Old school Brooklyn guy: They closed off 150 blocks in DC for this inauguration and where do you think all the people that live on those blocks are gonna park, if not here in the five boroughs? –Greenpoint Overheard by: Didi Hylobates