Overheard In New York

Archive for the ‘Brooklyn’ Category

Blackout Fun

Hysterical Man: The bridge is swinging! Everybody get off the bridge!
Reasonable Man: It’s supposed to swing! This is a suspension bridge! –Brooklyn Bridge

There’s At Least Three Things “Cheese” Can Be a Metaphor For

Girl: Can I bring mac and cheese to the porn show or is that tacky?
Guy: It’s not tacky; it’s necessary. –Bed-Stuy

Yes, We Sell Parrots

Customer: So what do I feed it?
Manager: Give it crickets, 2 or 3 times a week.
Employee: You’ve got to feed it crickets 2 or 3 times a week.
Manager: Otherwise it takes greens and fruit.
Employee: Or greens and fruit.
Customer: What kind of greens?
Manager: Lettuce.
Customer: Regular lettuce or romaine?
Manager: Romaine.
Employee: It needs romaine.
Manager: Kale, chard.
Employee: Kale, chard.
Manager: Anything leafy and green it’ll eat.
Employee: Anything leafy and green.
Customer: So it’s OK if I leave it for a weekend or a week?
Manager: Yeah, just throw some lettuce in there with it before you go.
Employee: You got that? –Petland Discounts, Bensonhurst

Homeless Monologues II

Where: Bedford Ave., Yuppietown Hobo: …and the rest of you will be buried in cement!

“Whoop, there it goes. Goddamn broccoli!”

A woman is throwing up on the street. Another woman comes to her aid. Florence Nightingale: Are you OK?
Pukerella: No, that’s OK. I just got somethin’ stuck in my throat. –Teachers College, Morningside Heights Overheard by: Derek Bacharach

“…and my identical sister goes to AMDA.”

Drunk: You are here all the time! How are you here all the time? I come in at 2PM, you’re here. I come in at 5PM, you’re here. You are always here! When do you sleep?
Cashier: I am a twin. –Park Slope bodega, 5AM