Archive for the ‘Brooklyn’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners for Bernardo and the Sharks

Chica on cell: He was just white. Like, a white guy. Except Puerto Rican.

–Park Terrace West, Inwood

Overheard by: Gringo Starr

Puerto Rican thug to another, both wearing Puerto Rican flag bandanas as face masks: White people better get used to us. There be like 80 billion of us in the world… Or maybe 8 thousand of us…at least.

–F Train

Overheard by: Brent

Teen on cell: Wait, you're in Puerto Rico? I'll be right there, that's by Chinatown, right? What do you mean it's an island? Like Staten Island? How the fuck did you get there?

–Colombus Circle

Overheard by: Graham Davis

JAP on phone: He called me a clingy JAP! How fucking low! I could've easily pulled the "you're-a-Puerto-Rican-from-Staten-Island" card.

–92nd & 5th

Guy (shouting): Hey guys! You like Puerto Ricans?!

–Times Square

Overheard by: CytoFox

Dad on scooter with eight-year-old girl: I don't want to hear that… Don't fuckin' push me, Joanna! You are not black, you are Puerto Rican!

–Flatbush & Fulton

Overheard by: Chelsea

I Got into This Racket for the Condemnation

Hobo: Hey, you got any money?
Nice lady: I don’t have any change, but I can give you some on my way out, or get you something to eat.
Hobo: I’ll take the money. But don’t worry, I ain’t gonna use it to buy booze or drugs.
Nice lady: As far I am concerned, you can use the money for whatever you want.
Hobo: Whoa, lady! That’s way too liberal for me.

–Outside health food store, Brooklyn

Wednesday One-Liners, the Forbidden Dance

Tween girl: I mean, she changed her MySpace name to "freaky dancer," I mean, she needs to take that shit off. Seriously, take it off, because I'm the freaky dancer, no one else is the freaky dancer but me.

–Uptown 6 Train

Man: There will be no more dancing tonight. I broke the pole.

–Times Square

Jumpy drunk guy: I have two options. Dance or fall asleep!

–Blackbird Parlour, Brooklyn

Overheard by: ak

Guy: I'm really into Nijinsky…no homo.

–F Train

Weary looking woman on cell: Six and a half hours of burlesque. I didn't think there was such a thing as too much burlesque…but I thought wrong.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: McNasty

College girl: And then I would say: "But do you object? Do you object to my vagina dance?"

–Union Square

“Do You Ever Get That Not-So-Wednesday-One-Liner Feeling?”

Girl on cell at register: It's like… If you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you, it was meant to be. (pause) If it doesn't? Well then baby, fuck that nigga, cuz he was a douchebag anyway.

–Deli, Brooklyn

Girl: It sounds douchey. But not like "douchebag" douchey. Like "Summer's Eve" douchey.

–Tribeca

Man to another, on Halloween: Oh, I get it. You're a douchebag.

–Park Slope

Overheard by: T.J.

Hipster dude, sarcastically to others: I love douchebag bars.

–Outside Puck Fair

Overheard by: Is this the definition of irony?