Deli guy (to another deli guy): He’s got a shrimp salad sandwich too. Here, I’ll mark the paper for you so you don’t get confused. I know your brain, it don’t work so good. Do you want me to write it in Mexican or in English?
Hipster screamed out: “Michael Bloomberg has electricity now!”
Hysterical Man: The bridge is swinging! Everybody get off the bridge!
Reasonable Man: It’s supposed to swing! This is a suspension bridge! –Brooklyn Bridge
Hipster: Man, it’s like…SoHo’s becoming the next Williamsburg. –SoHo
Customer: So what do I feed it?
Manager: Give it crickets, 2 or 3 times a week.
Employee: You’ve got to feed it crickets 2 or 3 times a week.
Manager: Otherwise it takes greens and fruit.
Employee: Or greens and fruit.
Customer: What kind of greens?
Customer: Regular lettuce or romaine?
Employee: It needs romaine.
Manager: Kale, chard.
Employee: Kale, chard.
Manager: Anything leafy and green it’ll eat.
Employee: Anything leafy and green.
Customer: So it’s OK if I leave it for a weekend or a week?
Manager: Yeah, just throw some lettuce in there with it before you go.
Employee: You got that? –Petland Discounts, Bensonhurst
Where: Bedford Ave., Yuppietown Hobo: …and the rest of you will be buried in cement!
Guy: Man, what you have to say is, ‘This is me. This is you. And this is the door!’ –Bedford Ave Overheard by: Mark P
Chick: Who’s he talking about?
Guy: Family Guy.
Chick: Oh, I hate that guy. –Bensonhurst
A driver almost runs over a kid.
Driver: Look at the light! Look at the light!
Kid: Look at the street!
Driver: Go back to Russia, you fuck! –Bensonhurst
Girl: Can I bring mac and cheese to the porn show or is that tacky?
Guy: It’s not tacky; it’s necessary. –Bed-Stuy