Archive for the ‘Brothers’ Category

Wednesday Undie-Liners

Guy: Oh, man! It is not a good day to be my underwear!

–Wine Store, 75th & Amsterdam

Overheard by: Raven

10-year-old to little brother: Hey! C'mere! You wanna play Captain Underpants?

–Brooklyn

Overheard by: dogboy

Guy on cell: I'm not paying her to smell your underwear!

–57th St & Broadway

Overheard by: Lagsalot

Loud older gentleman watching people at subway entrance: They don't wear brassieres anymore!

–23rd St & 6th Ave

Overheard by: Zombie Boyfriend

Older lady in funeral procession behind bag piper wearing kilt: I looked. He's wearing underpants.

–120th & Broadway

Wednesday's More Fun Than a Barrel Of One-Liners

20-something hipster to another, admiring long-legged blonde: How can you say you believe in evolution?! There is no way that that evolved from a monkey!

–1st Ave & 14th

Overheard by: Evolutionary

Little boy to brother: If I were a monkey, I'd take a crap on you.

–6 Train

Overheard by: Rebecca

Man on cell: Then Tim-Jim jerked him off with his feet. Only a monkey can do that!

–Bedford & Metropolitan

Overheard by: theeatenpath

Middle aged man pushing daughter's stroller: I can't believe she got Curious George's autograph!

–16th St & 5th Ave

Overheard by: Maquaid

Wednesday One-Glove-Liners

20-something female shopkeeper to coworker, as Michael Jackson's "Rock with You" plays on the radio: Did you hear he's sick? Apparently, he's in the hospital. I know, it's crazy. Can you imagine if he dies? If he dies, that'll be, like, the most awful thing to happen to America in years!

–Pet Food Store

Overheard by: Nathalie

Suit on cell: What if Michael Jackson sucking your dick was the cure for cancer?

–8th & Broadway

Man, lighting cigarette: So what'd he die from? A sunburn?

–Chambers St. & West Broadway

Middle aged black lady on cell: If you can get Michael Jackson on a condom box it would definitely sell.

–MacDougal & 8th St

Nine-year-old boy, pointing to a newspaper article, to younger sister: Oh yeah, that guy? He was fifty. He used to be a black guy but made himself become white.

–Canal & Orchard, Chinatown

Overheard by: Lauren T.

Large tattooed man, discussing Michael Jackson: One of those kids is his; the other two can't be, they're white. They were all unofficially inseminated, though.

–Delancey & Essex

As Youngsters, the Kardashians Were Pretty Much the Way They Are Today

Eight-year-old sister: Oh, I'm telling momma that you been mean to that boy and you been cussin'! She'll take your allowance away!
Eight-year-old brother: Fuck you! Suck my dick!
Eight-year-old sister: I'll take your allowance and your dick!

–Tompkins Ave & Flushing Ave, Brooklyn

Overheard by: pechewychomp

Not Another Teen Wednesday One-Liner

High school girl: She banged some dude with no condom during her period, then she blew another guy after the basketball game.

–Panera, Queens

Overheard by: NBG1

Teen: My health teacher always yells at me for being late. Shouldn't she be, like, sustaining my self-esteem?

–Green Apple Cafe

Overheard by: Julie

Hippie teenager leaving bathroom: When I see you all later, I will not have any idea who the hell you are!

–Nokia Theater, Times Square

Overheard by: dan

Teenage girl to cute guy, after spitting on door window: I have a bad habit of spittin'.

–E Train

Overheard by: MrsBall

Teenager to crying little brother: Shut up! Stop it or I'll take away your ShamWow!

–Times Square

Overheard by: JYC

Teenage boy on cell: I won't cock-block! (pause) I won't cock-block!

–E 77th St & 1st Ave

Overheard by: Steve G

…in Between Rounds Of Square Dancing.

Little boy to older sister: Look at that ugly bird.
Older sister, bored: Yeah, wow.
Little boy: I wanna crash it…stupid bird.
Older sister: Don't do that baby, it's not nice.
Little boy: Why not? I just wanna crash it.
Older sister: Because serial killers kill animals when they're little.
Little boy: What's a serial killer?
Older sister: It's something white people do for fun.

–7th Ave & 9th St, Brooklyn

Overheard by: I have yet to kill anyone