Archive for the ‘Buildings’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners Enjoy a Stay in the Graybar Hilton

Conductor on train: Ladies and gentlemen, if you see the person who is annoyingly pressing the buzzer please direct him to a conductor so they can be arrested and we can all go home. –Metro North Train Overheard by: Allison Hobo: Now you're going to give me a quarter sir, and then I'm going to arrest you. –Union Square Overheard by: Eric Guy on cell: Mike is getting his crazy ass released? For real? (pause) He's paying taxes?! Thug! –M Train Teenybopper: I'm going to jail tonight, I don't care. I'm gonna fuckin' kill that bitch! –30th b/w 2nd & 3rd Overheard by: eavesdropper Prospective employee to another: I can't believe she tells me how to fill out the fingerprint card! I've been done hauled to the precinct so many times… –Elevator, Midtown Building Ghetto mama: Why somebody call me from prison gotta be my husband? Hell no, that nigga is past tense! –54 Bus

What What (In the Wednesday One-Liners)?

Russian woman to fat guy (after he yelled at her): Escooz me, cood you please poot your ass out of ze vindow so I can seet? (fat guy remains seated) –B1 Bus Overheard by: Robert Gay: Your ass looks great! Have you started bottoming? –Christopher St Pier Young kid: 14th Street, like her ass on my face. –Union Square Subway Station Overheard by: Pza 20-something gay suit: My butt always causes friction. –Elevator, Midtown Building Sorority hungover girl talking about birth: I came out ass first, isn't that typical? –Denny's Guy to chick: We will use your ass as a presentational ass. –Weight Room, Coles Gym Overheard by: Ladle Teen girl to friend: I feel like my butt just came off. You ever feel like that? –Grand Central Station Overheard by: Alison

Wednesday One-Liners Believe You Have Their Red Swingline Stapler

Black suit on cell : What'cha mean you can't get a job? Tupac's been dead for years and the nigga's still putting out albums! –Center St & Pearl St Overheard by: Big Larry Friendly suit to friend: It's not about getting the work done! It's about…well, I don't know what it's about. –Vessey & Broadway Overheard by: mondo man Suit in next office: Okay, I have officially hated today! (phone rings) No! Fuck you! –Office Building, W 46th St Overheard by: TheGreenCat Guy on cell: So, did you find me a job yet? (pause) Well, I want something that isn't challenging, pays well, and doesn't care when I show up. –NJ Transit Overheard by: Cori Guy on cell (about to start bank teller shift): Come on and hurry up. I'm trying to get drunk before I start my second job. –Chase Bank, Times Square Young woman yelling into cell after being refused entrance: Goddamn, whose dick I got to suck to get my career started? Tell me where they at! –Lobby, Herald Square Towers

Do Your Diamond Shoes Pinch Your Feet?

Young suit #1 (holding pack of gum): Do you have change for a hundred?
Female cashier: No.
Young suit #1: Dude, do you have a dollar? All I have is four hundreds.
Young suit #2: Sorry, I only have five hundreds.
Young suit #1: Ah, I hate it when that happens.
(the two suits leave)
Suit #3 (walking in): Do you have change for a hundred?
Female cashier: Don't make me kick yo' ass, brotha. –Deli, General Motors Office Building Overheard by: don't look at me, I make $10 an hour

Wednesday One-Liners– As Far As You Know

Man on cell, coming out of The Dark Knight: I'm sorry that I couldn't pick up your call, I was in a very important meeting with a client. –Lowes Movie Theater, 68th & Broadway Guy on cell walking out of subway entrance: I'm getting on the subway now. –Park Place & Church Street Overheard by: Rich Mintz Female suit on cell: Well, I can't talk long, I'm about to get on a plane. Yeah, JFK. –Battery Park Overheard by: pop pop Overweight woman to daughter in pink tutu: You made me come here! Don't lie! Don't lie! Don't lie! –Ikea, Redhook Overheard by: Emily B. Annoying anchor: I'm writing a newscast. I don't have time to check facts. –CBS News Headquarters, 57th St Overheard by: The Shadow News Bunny

Wednesday One-Liners Can't Talk Here. It Isn't Safe

Conspiracy theorist: The government knows everything these days. The goddamn E-ZPass knows when I'm going to be intimate. –Sly Fox Bar Overheard by: Cait O'Connor Dude on cell (angrily): You should not be paying that much for oil, man… No, we are not going to run out of oil anytime soon! Don't you know that there are X-ray satellites all around the Earth, and they know the location of all the oil, natural gas, and aluminum under the ground? We can do that, because we have the satellite technology! –Bronx 2 Train Elderly man seeing another with cochlear implant: Wow… now they re talking to your brain! –Time Warner Building, Columbus Circle Overheard by: michael Drunk hobo on R train: I never met a woman that wasn't a federal agent. You can't trust women. Women are like computers. Never trust a machine that can think. –R Train High school girl: You know what I just found out? Those crop circles are real! I didn't know that! And if you take an electronic device down there to video tape them, it will explode. –Wendy's

How Do You Get a Flyer Guy to Shut Up? Discuss

Flyer guy: Rainbow room! Discount admission! Observatory! Rainbow room!
(goth chick unbuttons her shirt)
Flyer guy: Rainbow room… Uh…
(goth chick reveals a Batman t-shirt)
Flyer guy, recovering: Discount admission! Observatory!
Goth chick (in menacing voice): I'm Batman.
Flyer guy: Rainbow room! Discount admission! Batman! We got batman in Gotham! Observatory! Rainbow room! Batman! Discount admission! –Rockefeller Plaza Overheard by: Rose Fox

Wednesday One-Liners Regret Listening to Their Biological Clocks

Mother to screaming toddler: Stop it. This is not your day. This is my day. Don't ruin it. –Gourmet Garage Southern woman to son: The WWE pose, just like we practiced in the backyard now. –NBC Studios Overheard by: Tracy Mother yelling at three little well-dressed girls: Do not open that bottle of glitter! Do not! If you know glitter… (holding her arms out making a rainbow sort of gesture) Shit flies! –Central Park Overheard by: chellie Very young mother to four-year-old son: Stop that! If you don't start behavin' I'm gonna send you in for the new model! –R Train Overheard by: Kait Ghetto mom to young son running his hand along outside window while walking: Don't do that! You gonna get germs! Yo' hand gonna fall off! –45th b/w 3rd & Lexington Overheard by: Lili Von Shtupp Very serious mother: Well, Megatron could beat Optimus because he's stronger. But Optimus is smarter, so he can outsmart Megatron. –East Village Mom holding little boy's hand: Forget everything you've seen today. –Mermaid Parade, Coney Island Boardwalk Overheard by: Not forgetting ANYTHING we saw today