Archive for the ‘Bus Drivers’ Category

I Need to Go Bathe in Urine Now

Bus driver on intercom as it starts to rain: You are my sunshine, my only sunshine, you make me happy when skies are grey… C’mon, everybody!
Entire bus, singing: You’ll never know, dear, how much I love you — please don’t take my sunshine away.
Chick: I think that was the least-New York moment of my entire life.

–M79 bus

Please Stand Behind the White Line While the Wednesday One-Liner Is in Motion

Bus driver, just before departing for Boston: Peace, love, and if no one's said it to you today, I love you.

–34th & 8th

Overheard by: Nina

Bus driver: Hello? Can you hear me? Can you hear me? If so, you're too close to the front. Move to the back of the bus, back of the bus…I'll be here til 2 in the morning, I have plenty of time.

–M86 Bus

Overheard by: urbanadventurer

MTA bus driver to woman with a kid: Excuse me, you have to pay for your kid to ride this train. See the line where your hand is? If he is shorter than that line, then he doesn't have to pay. But he is taller, and he has to pay. (woman and kid walk off bus, now he addresses passengers) But on a lighter note, happy New Year.

–M86 Train

Overheard by: Melissa

Bus driver of crowded bus: This is Madison avenue. Get off! I mean…watch your step.

–Bus, 86th St

Overheard by: Michael

Bus driver: This is the last stop, Queens Center. If you are going shopping today, I hope you find everything you are looking for. Also, please be nice to the salespeople. It's not easy dealing with people day after day. I should know, I'm a bus driver.

–Q88 Bus

Overheard by: Jenn

Wednesday One-Liners Belch Diesel Fumes

Excited bus driver: Next stop, 6th Avenue! Herald Square! Vicky's secret! Something for everyone! Get off!! Get off!

–M16 Bus

Overheard by: nora!

Bus driver: Everyone who is exceedingly good-looking move to the back of the bus!
(people giggle but still not much room in front)
Bus driver
: Well, it's good to know you're a modest bunch, but you gotta move back or I'm not moving this bus.


–Bus, Central Park West

Overheard by: passenger

Bus driver over sound system: Dis bus is out of service! Dis bus is out of service! People in da back get up, close the fucken back window, and leave!

–Bx9 Bus

Bus driver over intercom: Good morning, this is a friendly reminder that the holiday shopping season now begins the day after Halloween. Make sure to allot six hours extra travel time as the city gets rather hectic at this time.

–M23 Bus

Bus driver over intercom: Come on, move back, people. There's coffee and jelly donuts in the back of the bus.

–Crosstown Bus, 57th St

Overheard by: Flexy

Bus driver (calmly): Move to the back of the bus. I heard there is mad room in the back of the bus. Mad room. I got an e-mail up here that says there is mad room in the back. Can someone quantify how much is "mad" for me? Mad room in the back of the bus. Mad room. Mad room!

–Crowded Q 55 Bus

Overheard by: Matt

Bus driver: This is the Q44 express going to Jamaica. We are traveling along Main Street, next stop is 41st Avenue. For those of you that don't speak English: blah, blah, blah, blah…

–Bus, Flushing

Wednesday, Are You Fucking Kidding Me With These One-Liners?

Fat chick to cute friend's blind date: So, wait, is Jean Garafolo a man or a woman?

–Tribeca

Overheard by: Becka Dash

20-something blonde girl: Is there an English word for "quesadilla"?

–F Train

Checkout lady, pausing with a container of hummus after scanning it: Lots of people buy this stuff…what is it?

–Myrtle St

Overheard by: Myrtle & Carlton

Woman entering RadioShack: Excuse me, do you have radios?

–RadioShack, 72nd & Broadway

B9 bus driver to passengers: Make a left here?

–B9 Bus

Overheard by: VeganBeauty

Wednesday One-Liners Only a Mother Could Love

Woman to another: I mean, about the thing… he is ugly but at least he get it up!

–Abingdon Square Park

Man to friend: Ugly people aren't people!

–10th St & 5th Ave

Suit: Yeah, I couldn't deal with the paparazzi. I once saw a picture of Katie Holmes with a pimple, and now I think she's the ugliest person I ever saw.

–Governors Island

Overheard by: Natalie

Girl to guy friend: I cannot believe you volunteered me like that! I'm going to start volunteering you to people… unattractive people. Like Leroy*.

–Union Square

Overheard by: Michael O'Connor

Bus driver on packed bus: Okay, everybody, we need to reorganize the bus. Can all the good-looking people move to the back of the bus, and all the ugly-looking people move to the front? Thank you.

–M86 Bus

Overheard by: Michael