Bus-driver in Vancouver: “The BC government recently did a study about fraud on the bus system, and the company they hired concluded that 3% of the riders take advantage of the system. But driving this bus every day, I see that it is really 30-40%. The newspapers say that Canadians are so good but it’s not true!”
Archive for the ‘Bus Drivers’ Category
I Get All Jesus, Take the Wheel
Automated announcement: Bus operators are protected by New York state law. Assaulting a bus operator is a felony.
Guy sitting behind bus operator, loud: Hooray!
Bus operator: Scaring me is a misdemeanor.
–Brooklyn
Overheard by: Robert
Are You Hitting on Me, Sir?
Loud woman: You'd better be opening up this back door.
Driver: Yeah, well, you'd best be pushing the tape.
–M15 Bus
To Be Fair, Mel Gibson Does Pay a Lot in Taxes.
Bus driver to deranged-looking smelly, yelling guy: Sir, this is your stop. Will you please leave the bus now.
Smelly guy: I pay taxes!
–M2 Bus
Overheard by: richardnixon
You Can Always Tell the Public Service Employees Who Have Kids
Well-dressed British lady: Driver, what's the next stop?
Bus driver: I'm not letting you off until you pay your fare. Don't ask me again.
–M31 Bus
Overheard by: Nora
The Closest M.J. Would Ever Come to Saying “I'm Gay”
Bus driver, upon seeing a rainbow: Out the right side there is a beautiful rainbow.
Man in the back of the bus: Michael Jackson did that! He probably starting singing “over the rainbow” and God made one appear!
–Berry & N 7th
Overheard by: Bean
Like We'd Name a Street For That Guy
Woman on cell inside bus: Yeah, I'm in Kissinger Boulevard.
Bus driver: It's Kissena, hon.
Woman: I ain't talkin to you! (pause) Anyway, sorry… Kissinger. Yeah.
–Q25 Bus, Flushing
Somebody Move That Kid to the Duct Tape Section
Bus driver: Everybody move to the back of the bus!
Middle school student being pushed toward the back, indignantly: Yo, I be like the young male Latino Rosa Parks!
–BX 9 Bus
Overheard by: Scheherazade
The One-Liners on the Wednesday Go Round and Round, Round and Round…
Bus driver: This bus is at capacity, so do me a favor: Move I-N, not O-U-T, and that's what she said.
–M14D Bus
Overheard by: The Average Commuter
Bus driver: Next stop is Malcolm X… No, it's not. What's his cousin's name? Oh yeah. Next stop is Frederick Douglas Boulevard.
–M60 Bus
Overheard by: polaco
Bus driver: When exiting the bus please take all of your trash with you. If you leave it on the bus you are a horrible person.
–34th St Bus
Bus driver, singing at every stop: Fifty niiiinnnth and Central Park Souuuuuthhhh. Ladies and gentlemeeeeennnn, have a wonderful daaaaayyyyyy!
–M4 Bus
Female bus driver: Everyone, squeeze in, I won't move this bus until ya'll are behind the line. Move back! Move! Squeeze! Remember to say "excuse me"! Move back! I will pull this bus over, ladies and gentlemen, move behind the line! (everyone shuffles a few inches back) It's a miracle! Thank you, Lord!
–BX12 Bus
Overheard by: Erica S
New York Has a Lot Of Nice People (Don't Tell Anybody)
Large black bus driver: Ladies and gentlemen, I see a lot of black people on here and you are going to have to move to the back of the bus, cause we got a bunch of white folk up here that gotta get on! (pause) I'm not kidding. If there were white folk back there I'd tell them to move, but it's all black folk, so you're gonna have to get over it and move to the back of the bus!
Large black woman to small white girl: You can have my seat if you want.
Small white girl: No, thanks… I'm okay.
Large black woman: I'm not gonna go Rosa Parks on you… You have a lot of shit… You can take the seat.
–M60 Bus