Archive for the ‘Bus Drivers’ Category

Raise Your Hand If You're Gonna Start Using That

Woman on bus: Hey, when are we gonna leave here–Christmas?
Driver: Lady, hold on.
Man on bus: He's probably watchin' porn.
Woman on bus: Yeah, stop beatin' your meat.
Driver: I'm waiting for my supervisor to give me the go-ahead.
Woman: Well, I'm gonna miss the ferry, so tell your stupidvisor I don't want to miss the ferry.
Driver: Did you just call him a stupidvisor? –Chamber St. Shuttle to South Ferry Overheard by: Jon

Oh, Get Your Mind Out Of the Wednesday One-Liner!

Angry bus driver: Get out of my rear. Get out of my rear. –Q44 Bus Overheard by: This is why men do not give birth Law professor, pulling out a cough drop: Sorry guys, if I don't suck on this, I just won't make it. –CUNY Law School Overheard by: That's what she said Chemistry teacher: No, it's really warm here. (pause) Feel my test-tube. –Stuyvesant High School Large black lady to girlfriend: I'm not gonna let him put his babbaganush in my peace pipe! –Houston St & 1st Ave Overheard by: ian has a face Loud woman on cell: Yes, he stuck it up my right one, and when it was halfway in, I was like "ow, you need to take it out!" and then he stuck it up my left one, and I felt no discomfort! –72nd & 2nd Old lady to another: So is there an oral tradition in your family then? –86th & Broadway Overheard by: Frenchie

Whatever You Do, Don't Drop Your Wednesday One-Liner in the Toilet

Dude with headphones on: How the fuck did Britney Spears get on my iPod? –13th St & 6th Ave Overheard by: Alice Bus driver: Next stop, 47th Street. And to the asshole who has his iPod on too loud, turn it down or I'll throw you the fuck off. –M15 Bus Overheard by: Turned mine off immediately White girl: It was like Hanukkah on my iPod yesterday! It said there was no battery left but it lasted for two hours! –Bayside, Queens Overheard by: Alexandra Dad to girl: If you can just get over being a pissy girl, you get a free iPod Touch. –23rd St & 2nd Ave Overheard by: Jill Twiss Really stoned girl, looking at iTunes latest releases: iFart mobile? Do they really have that for sale? iPhone can fart now? (pause) Is there anything an Apple device can't do? –Bayside, Queens Man playing electric guitar on subway: I take Mexican money, I take umbrellas. I take whatever you got. I have three kids at home who need iPods. –2 Train Overheard by: res

Wednesday One-Liners Know When to Stop

Bus driver: We should be arriving in Port Authority soon, hopefully at our schedule arrival time, but it all depends on the Lord of the tunnel. –Port Authority Bus Overheard by: Emily M60 bus driver, under breath, to traffic ahead: Mush. Mush. Yeah, mule. Mush. Git along. –106th & West End Bus driver on PA: Madam, don't let your children swing on the hand bars…this is not a jail. –M15 Bus Overheard by: bonoboxoxo Funny bus driver in soft-spoken jazz voice: This is Madison Avenue. If this is you, get out. I wish I was getting out. Does anyone know how to get out? Next is Park Avenue…or it's not. Is anyone listening? Thanks for the smile. –M16 Crosstown Bus Announcer on bus (waiting for someone to request a stop): Come on, my line's open. Someone dial my number. Come on, you know the number! (a passenger requests a stop) There we go! Thanks for calling! I knew you would! –M16 Bus Overheard by: alli

Wednesday One-Liners Giggle When They Hear the Word “Penal”

Woman to two male companions: I've fornicated lots of times, and I've never been arrested! –A Train, Grand Central Guy handing out tickets: Comedy club tickets, tickets tickets, get drunk and possibly arrested! –Times Square Overheard by: Chadwick 50-something on cell: I was watching America's Most Wanted last night to see if I could see…our boy! –DeKalb & Cumberland, Brooklyn Overheard by: Lea Grungy guy, carrying a slice and a bottled drink: I don't believe in putting off till tomorrow what I can do today…because tomorrow I might be back in jail. –Sheridan Square Overheard by: Suze Volchok Guy on cell: It's always comforting when I imagine people I don't like being anally raped in prison. –Prince & Sullivan Bus driver: The next stop is QCC. Queens Correctional Cen…I mean, Queens Community College. –Q27 Bus Overheard by: hey! i go there …