Bus conductor: Next stop, Atlantic City.
Passengers: Huh?!
Bus conductor: Ah! I mean Amsterdam Avenue!
Passenger #1: Hmmmm, are we safe on this bus?
–M4 Bus
Archive for the ‘Bus Drivers’ Category
Meet Some Nice People, for a Change
Toddler at bus stop, throwing a fit: No! I don't want to get on the bus!
Bus driver: Come on! The bus is a fun place!
Nearby passenger: Yeah, I love the bus! Why don't you join us?
Boy's mother: Get your ass on the fucking bus.
–Q44
Wednesday One-Liners Belch Diesel Fumes
Excited bus driver: Next stop, 6th Avenue! Herald Square! Vicky's secret! Something for everyone! Get off!! Get off!
–M16 Bus
Overheard by: nora!
Bus driver: Everyone who is exceedingly good-looking move to the back of the bus!
(people giggle but still not much room in front)
Bus driver: Well, it's good to know you're a modest bunch, but you gotta move back or I'm not moving this bus.
–Bus, Central Park West
Overheard by: passenger
Bus driver over sound system: Dis bus is out of service! Dis bus is out of service! People in da back get up, close the fucken back window, and leave!
–Bx9 Bus
Bus driver over intercom: Good morning, this is a friendly reminder that the holiday shopping season now begins the day after Halloween. Make sure to allot six hours extra travel time as the city gets rather hectic at this time.
–M23 Bus
Bus driver over intercom: Come on, move back, people. There's coffee and jelly donuts in the back of the bus.
–Crosstown Bus, 57th St
Overheard by: Flexy
Bus driver (calmly): Move to the back of the bus. I heard there is mad room in the back of the bus. Mad room. I got an e-mail up here that says there is mad room in the back. Can someone quantify how much is "mad" for me? Mad room in the back of the bus. Mad room. Mad room!
–Crowded Q 55 Bus
Overheard by: Matt
Bus driver: This is the Q44 express going to Jamaica. We are traveling along Main Street, next stop is 41st Avenue. For those of you that don't speak English: blah, blah, blah, blah…
–Bus, Flushing
Is It Wrong That This Seems Reasonable to Us?
(cabbie cuts bus off, both cab and bus are stopped at traffic light. Bus driver opens his window)
Bus driver: I'm gonna hit one of you! You know, it's my goal to hit one of you people before I retire, it really is–you almost just made it happen! You people gotta learn someday! (turns to passenger) We're allowed one accident per year. I'm saving all of mine for that.
–M15 Bus to South Ferry
I'd Like You All Now to Join Me in a Chorus of “This Little Light of Mine”
Bus driver: Good morning passengers! You may have heard recently that bus drivers have been put on a diet to make them nicer and more helpful. Now this doctor has told me, “No more bacon and eggs, but a nice bowl of oatmeal. Oh, and lots of water, fruit. And instead of stopping for some pork fried rice in the afternoon, with chicken wings, a nice piece of flounder, maybe with some butter and herbs.” Now it's been 15 days, and I am so much more polite to passengers, saying “Good morning. How do you do?” I'm even nicer to mama when she gets home. Helpin' her with her carriage and bags; lowering the bus for people at the curb. So I just want to thank you and let you know to bear with me for another 15 days. Thank you and have a nice day.
–B61 Bus
Overheard by: I should have eaten breakfast
…Okay, Everybody, This Is a Stick-Up
Bus driver, to man hanging from steps of full bus: Shit, man! You ain't seen five hundred people up in here? And five thousand behind ya?
Man hanging from steps: You ain't seen the whole county up my ass? Three buses gone by, ain't even stop!
Bus driver: It is illegal for me to drive with the door open!
Man hanging from steps: Kiss my ass, it is illegal for me to miss work on parole!
–Borough Hall Bus Stop
Overheard by: Tara
…Oh– Hi, Mom
Bus driver: We have no more room on this bus. There is another right behind me.
Angry black woman in line: Let me on!
Bus driver: Look, lady, there is no room on this bus!
Angry black woman: You won't let me on because I'm black!
Black teen: It's not because you black, nigga, it's because you a stupid selfish motherfucka.
–M14 Bus
Overheard by: Student Teacher
Wednesday One-Liners, the People's Chariot
Ghetto fab bus driver : Hello and good morning. Welcome to the Bolt Bus, my name is Jacques and I'm going to be your operator today. We do appreciate your business. Well, I appreciate your business. For my nails. Getting my hair done. Yeah.
–BoltBus
Overheard by: Julie and Mark The Snob
Bus driver (as bus leaves Lexington stop): The stop after this stop will be the next stop.
(as bus turns into Central Park) Ladies and gentlemen, the next stop will be Central Park West. Please have your passports ready.
–Crosstown Bus
Bus driver over intercom (as bus passes Unisphere): Oh, everyone's from New York? Then y'all already know this spot! I can't tell you nothing! Bye.
–Shuttle Bus, Flushing Meadows Park
Conductor: Good morning! This is the bus dispatcher. It's a sunny 78 degrees on a beautiful Wednesday! I'm happy to report the bus lanes inbound to New York are slicing through traffic like a hot knife through butter! Enjoy your day, control center, out.
–NJ Transit Bus
Overheard by: Jerzey…CloseEnough
Conductor: Alright folks, remember to keep cool today and drink plenty of water. I recommend ya'll eat some Honey Nut Cheerios. Honey Nut Cheerios will make ya'll nicer to each other. Stay away from that bacon and eggs. Too hot. Yes, Honey Nut Cheerios. Have a nice day.
–B61 Bus
Overheard by: should have eaten breakfast
We Heart Wednesday One-Liners
Skater boy: I love Jennifer Aniston! I would fuck her and then leave her!
–Uptown 1 Train
Overheard by: Laura
Grad student: I've been analyzing my love life from a symbolic interactionist perspective…
–Amsterdam Cafe
Overheard by: Ladle
Guy on cell: I love you…(defensively) Yes I do!
–Columbus Circle
Loud guy: You know what? Sometimes you've got to catch a few venereal diseases to find true love.
–Yankee Stadium
Overheard by: Kelsey
Man on cell: Then I thought that if I asked her out she would think that I think that she thinks that I think that she loves me.
–59th St & 8th Ave
Black girl behind the counter (after receiving a few text messages and calls): Why is everyone harassing me today? (sighs) I feel loved.
–Coldstone Creamery
Overheard by: Eli
Bus driver on loudspeaker: This bus is beautiful. We care about one another, we share our experiences, our dreams and aspirations. I love each and every one of y'all. So…that's what this is.
–X30 Bus
Overheard by: i just like him as a friend…
…Wait– Was That a Sex Joke?
(back door opens and closes, then the bus starts moving)
Obnoxious Hispanic Emo girl: Back doooor! Back doooor!
Bus driver: What the fuck!? Speak up, I don’t have all day!
Obnoxious girl: Back dooooor!
Bus driver: I have a family! I’m tired! I want to go home!
Obnoxious girl: Back doooooooor.
Bus driver: Ladies and gentlemen, our future.
–Bx41
Overheard by: If He’s Dissapointed with this I hope he never walks into one of New York’s public schools