Archive for the ‘Bus’ Category

And the Rest I Just Use During Sexting

Girl, while texting: Cindy, this is so weird.
Cindy: What is?
Girl: My predictive text. My phone recognizes “intravaginal”, “labradoodle,” “hornswoggle” and “clusterfuck,” but won't recognize “pomegranate” or “wildebeest!”
Cindy: Why would you need to use those words?
Girl: I like those pomegranate jelly beans my mom got from T.J. Maxx. –M1 Bus

Wednesday One-Liners Don't Know How to Quit You

Young queer on cell, laughing: I mean, what is he going to blackmail me with? –9th & 47th Overheard by: wondering Older queer to boyfriend: There's nothing like listening to Bach after having sex! –W 72nd St, Record Store Overheard by: I'll have to try that sometime… (40-something gay guy is looking through a clearance rack of mismatched outerwear under sign that reads "Big and tall active bottoms")
60-something gay guy, yelling: Good luck, dahling, you're in the wrong section. Find where the big desperate bottoms are and try that! –KMart, Penn Station Overheard by: RoverUSA Gay black man to whimpering toddler held by mother: Don't even start with me… Thank the Lord you ain't my kid. –M15 Bus Young, good looking gay guy to much older ugly boyfriend: My ex-boyfriend always bought me presents… –86th St & Lexington

Could You Remind Me How to Breathe?

Hip Indian chick #1: We should totally go to Raj's party tomorrow night.
Hip Indian chick #2: Oh my god, we totally should! Except it's in Brooklyn. Like, how would we even get there? Are there like, bridges or something?
Hip Indian chick #1: You're kidding, right?
Hip Indian chick #2, laughing: Wow! I am so one of those people who are like total geniuses but always forget like, really basic stuff.
Hip Indian chick #1: Umm, yeah. Totally. –M14D Bus Overheard by: Cody

Wednesday One-Liners– Just Like Mom Used to Make!

Man to girlfriend: You know, I was never going to tell you this, but I really dislike your mother. –M08 Bus 20-something girl on cell: Mmm-hmm. Oh, sweetie, I'm sorry he's such a jerk. (pause) Mmm-hmm. (pause, suddenly very angrily) Well, ain't no man allowed to say your mom isn't special! –207th St & Broadway Slob college kid: Why would I be staring at your mom's fifty-five-year-old ass, Rachel? No, wait, my mom's fifty-five… Why would I be staring at your mom's fifty-yea-old ass? –LIRR Teen girl setting up voicemail on phone: Hey! This is Katy. If you're not my mother, please leave a message. –Metro-North Rail Nanny to little boy sticking head under her top: No, no sweetie. See, this is something I would have to tell mommy about. –42nd St & Lexington Overheard by: Carolyn

Wednesday One-Liners Support a Woman's Right to Shoes

Dude looking at girl shoes: If I were a chick I'd wear the ugliest shoes, I swear. –5th Ave Woman on phone call with son's teacher: I know he's in the big boy group, but if you see he put his shoes on the wrong feet again, could you just let him know, please? –57th St & Madison Four-year-old girl: My toes are in my shoes! –Bus Overheard by: vcstr Girl, with pride: I can't get laid in this town without these pointy fucking shoes. My feet are so black and blue, and so are you! –F Train Overheard by: Ofelia Hiney Gay guy to friend: Oh, c'mon, at its best, The Wizard of Oz is just a story about two women fighting over a pair of shoes. –Times Square Overheard by: Paul N.

Wednesday O-o-o-oooo-One-Liners

Skinny Spanish girl: That nigga was saying how he had me moaning and screaming, but I was like, "nigga, I'm just loud–that doesn't mean you're good!" –Ft. Hamilton Parkway, Brooklyn Overheard by: also loud Ghetto chick to friend: Yo…in my country, it's illegal to not please your woman. You gotta fuck her till she begs you to stop. –116th & 1st Overheard by: DonnaRae Man on phone: Yeah…I just fingerblasted her for like an hour. No big deal. –E 4th St & 2nd Ave Overheard by: intern2 Mom to teenage son: And I was like "sure, have sex in my bed, it never sees any." –Mercer & W 3rd Girl on cell: Oh no, he's back fucking his secretary now, so I'm like, completely free! –East Village 20-something on cell, after loud graphic sex tale: And don't you be telling anyone! I don't like strangers knowing my business. –Express Bus to Brooklyn