Archive for the ‘Bus’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners Run the Other Underground Railroad

Conductor: This is the 3:07 off peak train to Huntington. Stopping at Woodside, Jamaica, New Hyde Park…blah, blah, blah, you get the idea. Watch the gap. (clicks microphone off) –LIRR Conductor: There's a 2 express train right across the platform. Ready, set, go! –1 Train Conductor: There's a Brighton Beach-bound b train across the platform. Say that three times fast. –F Train Overheard by: Thom Cohen Conductor: Ladies and gentleman, I have a very important announcement: this is not the last helicopter out of Saigon. I repeat, this is not the last helicopter out of Saigon. There will be another train after this one, and another one after that. –Downtown 2 Train Train conductor: This message is for the young man who stepped to the edge of the platform at the front of the train. This train feels no pain, this train has no brain. How about you? –Downtown A Train Overheard by: Guitarbuyer Bus driver: This is East 18th Street. If you get off here, you'll be at the q train faster. If you choose to not use your god-given walking ability, the q train is next. –B11 Bus Overheard by: not using her god given walking ability Conductor: This is 96th Street. Next stop, 103rd. Everyone ready? And away we go! –1 Train Overheard by: Ali

What Is It About Alt-world Neil Patrick Harris?

40-something woman #1: Look at his little face! Look at his little pink face!
40-something woman #2: Oh. My. God.
40-something woman #1: Look at his little pink face!
40-something woman #2: Isn't he cute?! Look at him!
40-something woman #1: So cute.
40-something woman #2: On my god! I can't believe how cute he is.
40-something woman #1: He is so cute! His little pink face!
40-something woman #2: So cute.
(pause)
40-something woman #1: Isn't he cute?!?!
40-something woman #2: Oh. My. God. So. Fucking. Cute.
40-something woman #1: I love him! He's so cute!
40-something woman #2: So cute.
40-something woman #1: I just can't stand it! –14D Bus

Wednesday One-Liners: Cha-ching!

Guy on cell: Don’t play games with me or I’ll break your fuckin’ nose. Have you got the money? Where’s the fuckin’ money? –47th & 5th Overheard by: Adam Bertocci Ghetto kid on cell: Yo, yo, you don’t want to play football? …Right, right, so just when you tackle them, put your hand in their pockets and take their money! –M14 bus Hobo: God, lady, I’m not asking for a million dollars; I’m just asking for some change! –14th between 5th & University Overheard by: theNJl Biker dude: She’s a shrink and a psychiatrist, so you know she’s rollin’ in money. –Starbucks, 27th & Park Overheard by: Brawny McBrawnerson

Your Wednesday One-Liner Is Nothing to Be Ashamed Of

Woman: Excuse me, can you tell me something? Do I have a hickey on my neck? I have to go to a lunch and I just want to know if I have a hickey on my neck. –SoHo Overheard by: kim Guy on cell: He shoved his hand in so many crevices that they looked like flippers. –2nd Ave & Houston Overheard by: gypsee Drunk girl: If Bethany doesn't have legs, nobody has legs. –1 Train Overheard by: oliviz Strange woman, seeing another woman massaging pressure points on friend's ear: She has a headache? It starts in the scrotum. –M14D Bus Man, missing stop: This is the problem with having a prostate that's bigger than your brain…you always forget to get off. –Downtown 1 Train Overheard by: rachel Girl: She slept with Harry, and she didn't know he only had one hand, and afterward she still didn't know he only had one hand. –Brother Jimmy's Restaurant Overheard by: Joe

But isn’t Canada the Party School?

Frantic, screaming child: But I wanna transfer. I wanna transfer!
Calm mother: And where do you wanna transfer to?
Child: Australia. –crosstown bus, 72nd St Overheard by: steven
Headline by: woo hoo
Runners-Up:
· “And Try To Get Through Samoa at Rush Hour?” – Greg Costello
· “But It’s Always So Early There” – Kelsey
· “Kangaroos seek 21st century juvies for fun, romance.” – sidruid
· “Kids Say The Crikiest Things!” – josh
· “She drank a lot of Foster’s during pregnancy” – lc
· “This is why you should beat your children” – Adam
· “We Brits would have sent him for free in the old days” – Iain, London

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Wednesday One-Liners for Ralph Nader… Not!

Sorority chick leaving a democratic rally where hillary clinton spoke: God, they all sounded so political! –Wagner College 5 year-old boy (to his mother): Is it true that obama's going to raise taxes? –Union Square Overheard by: Jen Woman on cell: I'm trying to find joe sixpack. (pause) no, I don't know joe sixpack. –98th & Broadway Several middle-aged, wealthy #40 something upper east side ladies at the dinner table next to us at a french restaurant, discussing politics. The last point on sarah palin: "her hair's fine, her glasses are fine, her clothes are ok but I'm sorry, she's a fucking loser." –Jacques Brasserie — Upper East Side Overheard by: Lindsey Miller Drunk girl: "if lil' wayne was president, things would be running much more smoothly." –E Houston St & Lafayette St, Overheard by: Teddy "my cousin said that obama is the antichrist."
(pause).
"that's mad rude, right?" –M66 Overheard by: Charley