Archive for the ‘Business and Commerce’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners Still Giggle When They Say “Stimulus Package”

Mother to preschool-aged child: That's the New York Stock Exchange. That's where we lose all our money.

–Outside NYSE

Overheard by: Angel

Man to four-shoe-pair-buying wife: It's people like you who confuse the economists.

–Macy's

Toll booth operator to chick in car during rush hour: So, what's your take on the economy these days?

–Verrazano Bridge

Young dudes, watching suits take Queens train at 9 am: Oooh! They got fired.

–7 Train

Overheard by: Only in Brooklyn

They Resist Scratches As You’d Resist a 350-Pound Rapist on Meth, For Example

Customer: Look, see, there’s two scratches right there.
Optician: Those two? OK, now you’re being picky.
Customer: Picky?! I’m sorry that I set my expectations above your ability to provide me with scratch-resistant lenses without scratches in them.

–Eyes on the Slope, Park Slope

Overheard by: Hmm..maybe Lens Crafters

If You Love Wednesday So Much, Why Don’t You One-Liner It?

Woman talking to cute businessman: Oh I totally love, like, water and all that jazz!

–Newark Flight

DJ to crowd: If ya love ya mama put ya put ya mothafuckin hand up the skyyyyy!

–Hammerstein Ballroom

Crazy man in leather pants: Bitches, I seen it all! Bitches, hoes, I done it all… Y’all, who won the Yankees game last night? I said, who won the Yankees game last night?! Can I get a motherfucking answer? [Pause.] Fuck all y’all, fuck all y’all niggas, black, white, fuck all y’all white niggas [Pause.] Bitches, hoes, Cadillacs! I done it all! Fuck all y’all [Pause.] Peace, love, and respect baby for all. I love all y’all.

–A Train

Overheard by: Sam

Girl on cell: …but I have to go now -I’m busy lovin’. I said I’m lovin’. I have to go!

–Outside Butler Library, Columbia University

Overheard by: Ladle

20-something woman: I need more people in my life who love my knees.

–Downtown 1 Train

Overheard by: McFreaky

Boy: I’m going to have a business card made. Some finance company. Girls love that stuff.

–6 Train

Overheard by: oya

Wednesday One-liners Are in the Wrong Line of Work

Jamaican lady: You fucker! I sell drugs for the Police. They call them dealers because they make deals. I made a deal. Do you pay me? Am I your employee? Fuck you, brush your teeth! –F train Overheard by: z0mb13 Guy on cell: I’m off today. I ran over one of the kids with the bus. –72nd & 1st Overheard by: Todd Horan Trader: I’m almost wishing to come back in my next life as the Jewish wife of a Jewish husband. –Madison Avenue office Man on cell: She’s got a summer job editing Harlequin romance novels. Yeah, which goes so well with…you know…her divinity degree. –118th & Broadway Security guard: One of my feet has five fingers less than the other one, but I don’t claim disability. I work three jobs: model, actor and security guard, I’m not stopping until I make fifty-two million. –F train Overheard by: Nico Westerdale Store chick: I’m just sampling the food so I can explain to customers why it’s so expensive. –Whole Foods, Union Square Overheard by: jexe