Archive for the ‘Business and Commerce’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners Are Already Spending Their Rebate Checks

Father to son: You see, women do the shopping, so you gotta go to a good store to find a good woman.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Trainspotter

Young boy to guy accompanying him: There are things that Americans can do better. We can burp a lot louder than Chileans. And we can spend a lot more money while shopping.

Tom Crean: Antarctic Explorer performance, Irish Repertory Theatre

Overheard by: Michael Baker

Dude to friend: … So every time he signs for a purchase on a credit card, he signs it ‘Not valid’ and Best Buy was the only store that ever caught it!

–Burns St, Forest Hills

Woman seeing old friend, and pointing to man beside her: Yeah, this is my new husband. He buys me Neiman Marcus. My old husband bought me Stein Mart.

–C train

Overheard by: Sarah F.

Valley girl tourist to street sweeper: Excuse me, where’s the mall?

–34th & 7th

Overheard by: Really!

Are What?

Guy selling umbrellas: Get your umbrellas! Two dollars! Get your umbrellas! Two dollars!
Customer: How much are they?

–7th Ave

Overheard by: Maggie

Headline by: waphle

Runners-Up:
· “I Mean, in Goats?” – jloubelle

· “That’s Not “Ironic” Either, Alanis.” – Janet
· “Tourists Aren’t Just for Show” – should probably doing work
· “Your First Born…And An Hour With That Old Broad On Your Left” – ae


Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Wednesday One-Liners Like to Think of It As Borrowing

Young boy to another, whispering: I’m gonna knock you off ,and then I’m gonna steal your M&Ms.

–FAO Schwartz

Overheard by: amused tourist

Cabbie: Something wicked just crossed my mind. One dark night I’m going to come here and steal all the stop signs.

–Roosevelt Island

Overheard by: Suriya

Angry queer suit as a Honda’s car alarm goes off: What the fuck?! What the fuck?! Nobody would ever try to steal that piece of shit!

–72nd & Broadway

Overheard by: C. Gray

Thug: Look, these glasses are f’real! I bought them off a nigga who had just stolen them from the jewelry store!

–125th & Broadway

Hipster chick on cell: Why don’t you just stay at a real hotel where you can steal all the soaps and stuff?

–2nd St, between Bowery & 2nd Ave

Overheard by: Jake

Little boy to little girl while nanny is distracted: I love outdoor shopping, because it’s easier to steal things!

–11th & University

Overheard by: Cooper Cheatham

Wednesday One-Liners Still Add on Their Fingers

Guy in line, to girl: So, I guess we could go to the TKTS booth and see how much the half-off shows are. They’re usually like 30 or 50 percent cheaper.

–Starbucks, Times Square

Girl on cell: Yeah, well, you said you were running a few minutes late and you showed up two days later!

–Spring & Greene

Desperate guy: I don’t care if she’s between a two and a ten, just so long as she’s not a one!

–Spring & Mulberry

Overheard by: Eddie

Enthusiastic chick: You know what they say — hindsight is 50-50!

–12th & Broadway

Overheard by: David

Eight-year-old boy to female friend: … At a rate of interest of five point three-five percent…

–W 81st St

Overheard by: Emily B.

Blonde: I can pretend to be just one person!

–30th St, Astoria

Oh, Get Your Wednesday One-Liners Out of the Gutter

Suit during presentation: We are a global company with a tremendous reach-around.

–810 7th Ave

Overheard by: Jatmos

Barista gesturing to fridge: Hey! Milk me!

–Coffee shop

Professor: It’s hard to sit there for two hours without a climax.

–NYU

Overheard by: woods comma elle

Teacher, on oral quizzes: … And if you can satisfy me orally, you will receive a good grade.

–The Dalton School

Overheard by: Marissa

Thanks, Dad.

45-year-old man: … And since I’m on my way to a business meeting, this drink I just bought you is tax deductible.
College girl: Well, that’s nice, I guess.
45-year-old man: Yeah, you’ve got a big butt and you’re tax deductible. That’s how I like them.

–Coffee Shop Bar, 14th St

Headline by: Snark Sloper

Runners-Up:
· “Accountant Pickup Line #65337-2366-26637-1″ – Works For Me

· “Baby Got Back. — Cf, Form 1040 Schedule C Line 27″ – chris
· “Monica Lewinsky
: This Sounds Familiar…” – D. Kareem

· “Until She Capital Gains All That Weight” – Vasyl


Click here to see the new Headline Contest