Archive for the ‘Business and Commerce’ Category

New Yorkers: Sticking Together

A cashier hands a girl her change. Girl: Excuse me, but can you give me another 20 dollar bill? This one looks counterfeit. The cashier takes the bill, examines it, and puts it back in the register. He gives her another bill. Girl: Thanks. I just didn’t want that one, you know? It didn’t have the stripe down it. It looked too new. It just didn’t look right. So don’t give it to me; just give it to the guy behind me or something. –Bagel Maven, 7th Avenue

…And Smoke Them on Behalf Of the Recipients

20-something girl to much older date: So do you smoke weed?
Guy: Not so much anymore.
20-something girl: Me either… Not much… I mean, it's been a long time… But I do know this awesome guy on St. Mark's who gives me cheap pipes and has great shit. He always has something new for me.
Guy, after pause: Actually, it sounds like you smoke a lot.
20-something girl, after embarrassed pause: Well… I buy a lot of gifts. –G Train

Wednesday One-Liners Know How to Conduct Themselves

Conductor over PA: Attention passengers, ladies and gentlemen, this is the train to… Um… Where the hell are we going? Train to somewhere. Let's go somewhere! –LIRR, Penn Station Overheard by: Rob T Firefly NJ transit conductor: If you are getting off at Linden, you need to be in the front two cars. If you are wearing your headphones, I don't want to hear you complain later. (five minutes later) If you are getting off at Linden, you need to be in the first two cars. If you are confused about where the front of the train is, it's the way we are facing and the way the train is moving. Just turn the same way the train is moving and walk up to the front two cars. –Penn Station Conductor: This is a downtown 1 train. Sorry, an uptown 1 train. The next stop is 110th. Actually, the next stop is 103rd. Stand clear of the closing doors. –1 Train Overheard by: Samantha Conductor: Next stop is Wall Street. Wall Street, where they compromise everything. –Downtown 2 Train Overheard by: Ellen Angry conductor: We apologize for the delay in service while the police inspected the train. Contrary to popular belief, there are no dead people on this train. –Downtown N Train Overheard by: Dead Men Can't Talk Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, we are stopped because of… Because of… Fuck! I don't know. –6 Train

Wednesday One-Liners Are Great–Just Ask Them

Guy: I finally found someone who's as crazy about me as I am! –1st Ave & 2nd St Young guy to girlfriend: Sometimes I listen to myself and I think, "How do I know *so much* about marketing?" –Downtown E Train Guy to friend in movie theater, just before movie starts: Dude, my blog post today was *so* good. –Loews Theater, 34th St Girl: I'm attractive and I have a lot of friends! –PATH Train Overheard by: tb Girl to friends: Hey guys… I'm really glad we're us. Or else I'd be really jealous of us. –West Village Overheard by: Max