Valley girl: Ewww, what is that?
Boyfriend: That’s a cab.
Valley girl: I want it.
Boyfriend: You want it?
Valley girl: I want to buy it!
Boyfriend, to cabbie: How much is it?
Cabbie: Get bent.
–Broadway
Archive for the ‘Cabbies’ Category
With a Mouth Like That, People Actually Tip You?
Cabbie: So, why are you going up to Columbia University anyway?
Girl: Because I have class in a couple hours.
Cabbie: With a face like yours and a rack like that, people actually take you seriously in that school?!
–Taxi ride with hot chick
I Hope You Enjoy Vomiting into the Gutter
Drunk guy: Wait, you’re not going anywhere? [Off-duty cabbie shakes his head.] Hey, buddy, fuck you!
Cabbie: Thank you very much, sir.
–8th Ave
My Mom Told Me to Stick to the Numbered Streets
Passenger: Hi, I’d like to go to Rivington and Ludlow, please.
Cabbie: I don’t know where that is.
Passenger: That’s okay, I’ll show you how to get there.
Cabbie: But then how will I know how to get back?
–Upper West Side
Overheard by: Charlemagne
A Moon Shot Requires Teamwork
Short Jamaican cabbie holding up newspaper: Man, this guy must have a big dick!
Arab deli guy: No, they did it on the moon. It’s different up there.
–Deli, 28th & 10th
Overheard by: lunch on 29th
Please Cab Your Dog
Young woman: Thank you so much for picking me up with my dog! No one would stop for me.
Cabbie: People who love animals love humans. If you can’t clean up the shit of a dog, how are you going to clean up the shit of humanity?
Young woman: Wow, that’s deep. I totally agree.
–18th & 3rd
Wednesday One-Liners Love New York. Maybe.
Guy to buddy: It’s just like New York, except it’s clean and quiet… and people are nice.
–51st & Broadway
Tourist girl: You guys, we’re finally here! New York! Sleepless in… Oh my god, I’m such a moron!
–Incoming Air Canada flight, JFK airport
Overheard by: la petite touriste
Hobo to passerby wearing ‘I love NY’ shirt: Try living here for a few months, see how much you fucking love it.
–Chinatown
Pedicab driver to intrigued tourists: It is the most exciting thing you will do in New York City.
–58th & 5th
Overheard by: Stevo
Woman: Sure, in New York something gets blown up every now and then. But at least we don’t have to worry about falling off into the ocean.
–Filene’s Basement
Overheard by: amused tourist
High-strung mom to nanny: Just leave him here and go check. He’s not going to get kidnapped. No one in New York wants kids, anyway.
–C train
Subway preacher: All of you are going to hell because of New York!
–Grand Central
When BDSM Enthusiasts Try to Hold Down Jobs
Woman getting into cab: I need to go to Wall Street.
Cabbie: Can you give me directions?
–27th & Broadway
We Would Have Accepted 9 PM or ‘Miller Time’
Hobo in a hurry to a stopped cabbie with open window: Yo, yo, dude! What time it is?
Indian cabbie: 21 hundred.
Hobo: Huh?
Indian cabbie: 21 hundred.
Hobo: Man, that’s not funny.
–4th St, between 1st & 2nd Ave
Overheard by: Dan
Spitting All the Way
Cabbie: So, you and your husband are looking for property?
Chick: No, he’s just my boyfriend. We live together.
Cabbie: That is not good. You have to leash your camel tight or else they run away. Run away fast.
–Cab
Overheard by: Friend of Unmarried Gal