Tourist in Vancouver: “I haven’t been able to find a post-office in Vancouver. Where are they?” Waitress: “Oh, the Canadian government sold off all the post-offices, now they just have kiosks in any pharmacy, so just go to the drug store down the street.”
Chinese-Canadian girl: Where are we going next?
Girl: I thought Chinatown was in Canada…?
–Empire State Building
Conductor: This is the train from Grand Central to North White Plains. Next stop is Botanic Gardens. We do not go to Canada. Next stop is Botanic Gardens.
Guy with heavy Brooklyn accent: I don't want to go to a place like Canada if I don't know where it is!
–Avenue of the Americas
Overheard by: Mike
20-something preppy boy (yelling into his phone): It's not racist to hate Canadians! Canadians are not a race!
–8th St & 6th Ave
Man on cell: What? He jumped off a bridge? You have to be Canadian to jump off a bridge!
Tourist: Man, I'm way too Canadian for this escalator.
–Grand Central Station
Overheard by: escal-eh?-tor
Drunk guy: Excuse me, Miss, I’m askin’… I want to kiss your ass! Just the left cheek!
–8th Ave & W 55th St
Overheard by: Fred Daubert
Canadian guy: The first kiss’ll be at the altar.
–Uptown 6 train
Loudmouth on cell: Yeah man, and then, like, I was kissing her, and then I like, just started dancing with her. We were dancing, man. And then I picked her up, and she beat the crap out of me, and I had to put her down. Yeah, man. But she was a fuckin’ awesome kisser.
Overheard by: lucy in the sky with diamonds
Girl on cell: I can’t remember the last time we kissed on the mouth, can you?
–43rd & Lex
Ghetto chick leaving after fight with boyfriend: Kiss my ass. No, kiss my pussy while it’s bleeding, like you used to.
Girl on cell: He said he wouldn’t leave until I kissed him… so I kissed him while I was on the toilet!
–115th St & Manhattan Ave
Overheard by: Melissa Berry
Woman: How much will a tenner-worth be?
Dealer: Ehh, I think it’s fifteen bucks. –Central Park Overheard by: Fin dog mcsexy pants
Girl #1: Where did you hear that? What news have you been watching?
Girl #2: Canadian. –Duane Reade, 57th & Broadway Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster
Girl: Yeah, so I thought my professor was just affected, but today
she admitted she’s Canadian. –116th & Broadway
Man: Why’d you read all my email?
Woman: I only did it once.
Man: Yeah, right. You mentioned whether I wrote to Barry about that girl from Canada out of the blue, where’d that come from?
Woman: Why would I lie?
Man: It’s against the law. You violated me. I’d never do that to you.
Woman: You’d do it.
Woman: You don’t get it.
Man: I do.
Woman: Here, read my email.
Woman: Read mine!
Man: Laina, no!
Woman: “I liked the way you touched me after yoga class–”
Man: Laina, it was a joke!
Woman: It’s not funny.
Man: It was a joke.
Woman: You fucked her! And what about Match.com girl? You gave her your home email.
Man: Please. When was this?
Woman: January. What is that? You want to screw other people? Why is that?
Man: Laina…it was a joke.
Woman: Oh, and what about this? “I love the way your long hair shakes down onto my chest. I will have to repay you soon.”
Man: I didn’t pay her a dime.
Woman: Two weeks later you went with me and my family to the Vineyard.
Man: You have every right to be upset. It was once, honey!
Woman: You told me you loved me!
Man: It was a joke.
Woman: You don’t joke like this with someone you used to fuck and still likes you.
Man: I didn’t fuck her.
Woman: She still likes you.
Woman: You’re sick, Nathan! You hear me?! You’re just sick! –Cafe Pick Me Up, Avenue A Overheard by: Gideon Wallace