Archive for the ‘Canadians’ Category

Hey, Kiss My Wednesday One-Liners

Drunk guy: Excuse me, Miss, I’m askin’… I want to kiss your ass! Just the left cheek! –8th Ave & W 55th St Overheard by: Fred Daubert Canadian guy: The first kiss’ll be at the altar. –Uptown 6 train Loudmouth on cell: Yeah man, and then, like, I was kissing her, and then I like, just started dancing with her. We were dancing, man. And then I picked her up, and she beat the crap out of me, and I had to put her down. Yeah, man. But she was a fuckin’ awesome kisser. –NYU Overheard by: lucy in the sky with diamonds Girl on cell: I can’t remember the last time we kissed on the mouth, can you? –43rd & Lex Ghetto chick leaving after fight with boyfriend: Kiss my ass. No, kiss my pussy while it’s bleeding, like you used to. –Washington Heights Girl on cell: He said he wouldn’t leave until I kissed him… so I kissed him while I was on the toilet! –115th St & Manhattan Ave Overheard by: Melissa Berry

Wednesday One-Liners, Eh?

Conductor: This is the train from Grand Central to North White Plains. Next stop is Botanic Gardens. We do not go to Canada. Next stop is Botanic Gardens. –Metro-North Train Guy with heavy Brooklyn accent: I don't want to go to a place like Canada if I don't know where it is! –Avenue of the Americas Overheard by: Mike 20-something preppy boy (yelling into his phone): It's not racist to hate Canadians! Canadians are not a race! –8th St & 6th Ave Man on cell: What? He jumped off a bridge? You have to be Canadian to jump off a bridge! –Times Square Tourist: Man, I'm way too Canadian for this escalator. –Grand Central Station Overheard by: escal-eh?-tor

Laina and Nathan (A NYC Short Story)

Man: Why’d you read all my email?
Woman: I only did it once.
Man: Yeah, right. You mentioned whether I wrote to Barry about that girl from Canada out of the blue, where’d that come from?
Woman: Why would I lie?
Man: It’s against the law. You violated me. I’d never do that to you.
Woman: You’d do it.
Man: No.
Woman: You don’t get it.
Man: I do.
Woman: Here, read my email.
Man: No.
Woman: Read mine!
Man: Laina, no!
Woman: “I liked the way you touched me after yoga class–”
Man: Laina, it was a joke!
Woman: It’s not funny.
Man: It was a joke.
Woman: You fucked her! And what about Match.com girl? You gave her your home email.
Man: Please. When was this?
Woman: January. What is that? You want to screw other people? Why is that?
Man: Laina…it was a joke.
Woman: Oh, and what about this? “I love the way your long hair shakes down onto my chest. I will have to repay you soon.”
Man: I didn’t pay her a dime.
Woman: Two weeks later you went with me and my family to the Vineyard.
Man: You have every right to be upset. It was once, honey!
Woman: You told me you loved me!
Man: It was a joke.
Woman: You don’t joke like this with someone you used to fuck and still likes you.
Man: I didn’t fuck her.
Woman: She still likes you.
Man: Laina.
Woman: You’re sick, Nathan! You hear me?! You’re just sick! –Cafe Pick Me Up, Avenue A Overheard by: Gideon Wallace