Bored Guest: When are we going to get out of here? Don’t tell me in two hours. I’d rather get out of here in three hours than in two hours. If I have to go over that bridge during rush hour, I’ll shoot myself and then jump. I’ll be falling with a gun to my head. –Style Court Plaintiff Room
Archive for the ‘Cars and Driving’ Category
Readers: Answer This Overheard Current Events Question
Old school Brooklyn guy: They closed off 150 blocks in DC for this inauguration and where do you think all the people that live on those blocks are gonna park, if not here in the five boroughs? –Greenpoint Overheard by: Didi Hylobates
I Wonder Who He Voted For?
A driver almost runs over a kid.
Driver: Look at the light! Look at the light!
Kid: Look at the street!
Driver: Go back to Russia, you fuck!
–Bensonhurst
Irony, huh?
Moron: See how the taxis always drive on the right side of the street? That’s so they can pick people up easier. I was just thinking about that. That’s smart of them, huh?
Human: But taxis always drive on the right side of the street.
Moron: Exactly.
Human: No, I mean they have to. Always.
Moron: I know. Smart, huh?
–57th & Park Ave
Overheard by: Heather
Bullwinkle Ate My Family
Chick: Yeah, deers aren’t that bad. You’re in trouble if you hit a cow, though. And even worse would be a moose, because if you don’t kill it it’s gonna kill you! –Williamsburg Overheard by: Danger!!!!
Those Wacky Non-Christians
Woman: I’ve never seen so many cars out there.
Cashier: The Jewish people are praying.
Woman: Really?
Cashier: Yeah, I think tomorrow is the start of Ramadan.
–Wendy’s, Bensonhurst
Straightlines without Punchlines
Young woman: You need to get a car so you can take my kitty cat to the vet. –Starbucks, 71st & Broadway Overheard by: Zvi Mowshowitz
For the Last Time, It's “Public Service” Not “Public Servicing.”
Drunk guy: You're not looking too good, are you okay to drive?
Drunk guy: Those officers can suck my dick.
Drunk girl: Those officers will not suck your dick, and they never will.
–W 238th & Waldo Ave
White Girls Are So Cute
Girl #1: Those are like really nice cars.
Girl #2: Oh, yeah. They're like Toyotas, right?
Girl #1: No.
–Mercedes-Benz Showroom, Park Ave
Overheard by: Lydia
Who's Gonna Tell Him He Can't?
Man #1: Nice beard. You look like Santa!
Man #2, gesturing to his jacket: Santa? Does Santa drive a Harley too?
–72nd St & Broadway
Overheard by: Natasha