Archive for the ‘Cars and Driving’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners in Tasseled Loafers

Suit: There are two kinds of people in this world: Those with MBAs from Harvard, and us.

–6th & 55th

Overheard by: Dan

Agitated suit on cell: A dime is worth less than a dime. A dime is worth less than a dime!

–Starbucks, Times Square

Overheard by: Ladle

Suit to another: People are stupid, and the ones that aren't stupid are dumb!

–Madison & 49th

Suit: So Jake had this Mustang, right? And then every time he'd go to the circus they'd treat him like shit.

–59th & Lexington

Overheard by: i'll take the mustang

Suit to sandwich maker: Give me one with extra juice, so I can let it drip down my chin.

–Deli, 33rd & 7th

Suit on cell: That's stupid! Just put it in a bag and throw it in the river!

–23rd & Lexington

Overheard by: tallnawkward

Wednesday One-Liners Clean Everything Up Before Their Parents Get Back

Black woman in trashy outfit: And he said "But the party just started, bitch, I'll take you in a few hours!" and I was like, "Nigga please! My water just broke!"

–Lower East Side

Asian bimbo on cell: I just spoke to Percy and allegedly they threw a party after we were fired, to celebrate us getting fired…but we're people too.

–181 & St Nicholas

Overheard by: must not have liked you

Hipster girl: My all-time dream is to be shot by the cobra snake at a party, with a cig in my hand and Paul* between my thighs.

–NYU Dorm

Overheard by: Dayn

Tattooed guy on iPhone: Yeah, I'm bringing a 250-foot Slip 'N Slide!

–7th & 13th St

Overheard by: can I come to that party?

Loud man on cell: Yo, son! Why didn't you invite to your party? Damn…c'mon! Remember that time the chick in a wheelchair was working us in the cab? Yeah, she was in a wheelchair! Remember we got a cab for her and put her in the cab? That's right–that was me! She was giving us both head.

–BBQ Restroom, 8th Ave, Chelsea

20-something woman: Wait…when is it a rule to give the host a handjob?

–Museum of Natural History

Overheard by: Jazz

Wednesday One-Liners Say “Toro, Toro, Taxi!”

Little girl to father, about pedestrian sign: But I don't want to be a pedestrian! I want to be famous!

–17th & Irving

(pedestrians are crossing when they aren't supposed to. One almost gets hit by a taxi)
Female traffic cop to taxi driver
: Next time, just go ahead and run them over.


–Columbus Circle

Overheard by: momes

Homeless man directing traffic in middle of street: I killed 20,000 people, I ain't afraid of no car! I killed 20,000 people, I ain't afraid of no car!

–Jerry Orbach St

Gangster walking in front of Range Rover: Fuck it, if I'ma getting hit by a car, I'ma getting hit by a nice car.

–Broadway & Houston

Tourist driving car: I don't give a fuck if you own the world! I'm running your ass over!

–Financial District

Overheard by: lex

New York’s Funniest: Unsung Heroes

Two cop cars are after someone, heading downtown on Fourth Avenue, sirens going. One cop brakes abruptly and throws it into reverse and makes a backward left turn onto 86th Street, where a civilian is sitting in his car, waiting for the light to change. The cop car smashes into the front of the civilian’s car, and the cop announces on
his megaphone: Wake up, dildo! –Bay Ridge

Q: What's Black and White and Red All Over? A: An Embarrassed Wednesday One-Liner

Girl to friend: Oh, my God, I think I just left the most embarrassing thing in the bathroom.

–Barnes & Noble

Overheard by: V

Woman to roommate: When we get home, we'll have embarrassing sexual accidents!

–Pathmark, Massapequa

Overheard by: Are they really accidents if you plan ahead?

Nerdy TA: The thesis talk is kind of like the sex talk. It's a little embarrassing, no one really wants to give it, but it'll make you grow as adults.

–Columbia University

Girl to friend: I'm not embarrassed that I peed in his bed. I'm just not.

–Columbia University

Girl on cell: I saw it and I thought, "how embarrassing would it be riding on a bike with a nun."

–Grand Central

Overheard by: galgal