Archive for the ‘Cars and Driving’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners Ignore the Bloody Hand

Little old lady to little old hubby: Fuck you, Dick, I am not crossing against the light! I can’t do it. Fuck you! –Houston & LaGuardia Overheard by: Almost peed on myself from laughing Little tourist to mom: We are jaywalking, yay! –Outside Sak’s Overheard by: also jaywalking Guy on cell: … So it’s fucked up, nights in the city. Everyone jaywalks, and they all wear black… Shit, good point! Blacks! … Yeah, you get a black guy wearing black, jaywalking — that’s a perfect storm of trouble! … I dunno, but I bet it has something to do with why insurance is so high… –Broadway & Bleecker Two guys cross street on ‘Don’t walk’ signal as car is coming. Traffic cop: Hit ’em! Hit ’em! –35th & 5th Overheard by: mike Loud grandma tourist blocking crosswalk: What’s the matter with these people?! Why are they crossing the street? Can’t they see the ‘No crossing’ sign? Where do they think they’re going? –Times Square Tourist woman to crowd of pedestrians: No, don’t cross! Here comes the big red hand! –51st & 5th Overheard by: Micaela

My Son is an Honor Student…and a Vandal!

Suit #1: …so he’s got one hand on the car’s aerial, and with the other hand he’s punching a four inch by eight inch dent in the car, while running alongside. At this point it becomes destruction of property.
Suit #2: And that’s when the campus police got involved? –52nd & 6th Overheard by: Meredith

I've Never Been More Proud.

Angry 20-something girl: Dad, you realize that when you refuse to give me the keys to my car that he's been illegally driving, you are effective enabling him to steal from me!
Confused-looking dad: Well, I understand how you feel, honey, really I do, but…
Angry 20-something girl (cutting him off): Don't fucking placate me, you sonofabitch!
Confused-looking dad (looking helplessly toward his wife): Cheryl…your daughter is yelling at me using profanity and words I don't know. –Bay Ridge, Brooklyn Overheard by: Krystal

I'm Not Just Her Attorney, I'm Also a Client

Suit to suit friend: That's so nice of her, to pick you up at one in the morning. You just asked her to come get you?
Suit friend: Yeah, I called her and I was like “hey, babe can you come get me? I got out of work late. Just wake the baby and bring him in the car.” Twenty minutes later she was there. With divorce papers she had been working on.
Suit: Well, at least she picked you up, bro.
Suit friend: Very true. –12th & 5th Overheard by: Sarah

…Don't You Think?

Friend #1: Oh! We should all ride our bikes to Red Hook, check out the ball field, get Swedish meatballs at Ikea and hang out at the flea market.
Friend #2:: I… can't… do that.
Friend #1: Why? Oh, do you not own a bike?
Friend #2: No, I don't. And… I also don't know how to ride a bike.
Friend #1: What? And you live in Williamsburg?
Friend #3: Hey, it's ironic. –South Street Seaport