Macho guy: I just want to roundhouse a cop in the head. Then I’m gonna run my ass off. –Flushing Meadows Corona Park Overheard by: rob Perfume vendor: 5 dollars! 5 dollars! Get ‘em before the cops do! –33rd & Broadway Overheard by: rah Girl on cell: …and then the police came so we were wondering if it was gonna be like a bar mitzvah. –61st & Columbus Guy on cell: He drank half a bottle of Listerine?…Let me know when the police get there. –Central Park Overheard by: Diane Policeman, to erratic driver: You heard me, man, now pull over. What the hell? –St. Mark’s & 2nd Policewoman through loudspeaker, to erratic driver: Where did you get your license? Oh. My. God. –Leonard & Jackson, Brooklyn Overheard by: Chitin Running mom, to child: Hurry up! Run, run like the cops are chasing you! –110th & Amsterdam
Girlfriend: Is that a caravan outside Deutsche Bank?
Boyfriend: Pikeys. –Wall & William
(taxi honks horn, loudly)
Guy #1: Fuckin' asshole!
Guy #2: Shut the fuck up!
Guy #3 to friends: We should do that more often. Like, to firetrucks.
–57th & 8th
Overheard by: EthanK
Cop on megaphone: Hand over your license and your registration. Now everyone in the Heights knows what I am waiting for.
–138th St & Amsterdam Ave.
Overheard by: tony l.
Hobo: I’m just black. I’m not a criminal.
Overheard by: Barry P.
Female cop, screaming out the window of her police car: Stop yelling on the street!
–Greenwich Ave & W 13th St
Overheard by: Pierce
White teen boy: You see, you can only mess with white people and Asian people because the worst thing they’ll do is call the cops. Anybody else–no one will ever hear from you again.
–1 train, southbound
Overheard by: Stephanie Shestakow
Hobo: Stand clear of the closing doors. You cannot block the doors. Keep your belongings with you at all times. If you see a suspicious package or activity, tell a police officer or MTA employee or me. My wife died and I want you to know that I’m single. I may not have any money, but I got plenty of honey. I want all the ladies to know that I’m single. Not the men, though. I’m not gay. I’m a lesbian. I like women.
–Downtown 5 train
Cop car, driving in bike lane, on loudspeaker: Move right. Move right! Your other right, idiot!
–8th Ave & 28th St
Overheard by: Rich Mintz
Thug: I hate white people. They’re always talking to the cops.
–1st Ave & 89thSt
Bro #1: Hey man, you alright?
Bro #2: (vomits in corner)
Bro #1: You good to drive?
Bro #2, slurring: Yeah…
Bro #1: You got some shit on your chin! (makes wiping motion)
Overheard by: arf
Suit on cell: No, I’m not coming in today…I’m on the Upper East Side. There’s all this traffic from the Pope’s "Don’t sodomize the kids" world tour.
–83rd & Lex
Guy at bar: Most Popes hate Jews.
–6th and D
Gamer kid: Yeah, I was in DC this weekend with the Pope… Yeah, I saw that muthafucka.
–218th & Park Terrace West
Overheard by: Kelley
Old lady, about young girl: Oh, she looks nice. She’s wearing Pope shoes.
Overheard by: arctinus
TSA employee at a security checkpoint: Do you have another photo ID? Expired driver licenses are invalid.
Girl carrying tabloid: But what if you, like, don't drive?
TSA employee: You can't use an expired license as identification.
Girl carrying tabloid: Yeah, but what if you didn't drive?
Guy on cell, screaming : Did you or did you not give that guy a blowjob in the parking lot?
–3rd Ave & 10th St
Overheard by: JC
Hot girl talking to hot friend: He said blowjobs are like flowers for guys. Do I get flowers everyday? No! So why should he, right?
Screaming bag lady: He asked me to suck his dick. I don't suck dick, I'm homeless.
Overheard by: Reilly
Guy on cell: How's her gag reflex? Because that's a great way to make up for stupid.
–5th & 83rd
Overheard by: Kelly
Guy to another: Greg, do you want your cock sucked tonight? Then get in the car! (other guy hastily gets in car)
Police car megaphone: Attention: The driver of the minivan is terrible.
–Ludlow & Stanton
Girl on phone: Now, drive safe and don’t drop the soap!
–NYU Kimmel Center, Washington Square South
Young boy: Man, I’m as tired as a used car salesman.
Overheard by: DFlan
Man on cell: So, are you saying you crashed the car into the camel or the camel into the car?
–27th & 7th
Tall guy: … And he would not get out of my trunk! And we was on our way to the game! I was like, ‘Son, close that door. Respect the Hyundai!’
Overheard by: Micaela
Chick: … And I said to him, ‘After this presentation I want to go to the hospital, because I got hit by a car.’ And he said, ‘Oh, yeah? You look kind of skanky. You should go now.’
–Court & Schermerhorn St
JAP on phone: A woman lives in my dashboard! In my car! A woman lives in my dashboard!
Good looking Italian guy, chatting: I was changing the oil on my car. I figure it's going to shoot out so I put the pail like a foot away. I turned the knob and…whush…all over me…my clothes.
Chubby friend: Good thing you didn't get it in your mouth.
Italian guy: It doesn't taste that bad.
Overheard by: Sibyl