Archive for the ‘Cashiers’ Category

Wednesdays Pray Their One-Liners Don't Go Condo

Middle-aged woman to others: Just because she's got her own apartment, she thinks she has it all together. –Near NYU Overheard by: Eric 20-something guy to another, about his apartment: All I want to do in my apartment is die. –Fort Greene, Brooklyn Overheard by: Dodd Loomis Woman on cell, walking briskly: There was blood all over the apartment… –E 9th St b/w 1st & 2nd Ave Cashier to male shopper: Dude, your apartment is rent-stabilized and you have food stamps? You are so rich! –Whole Foods, Houston & Bowery 20-something trendy Jonas Brother-looking dude on cell: No, I sleep on the couch that's in the kitchen. (short pause) I'll tell you about my apartment later. –9th Ave b/w 14th & 15th Overheard by: Dash

Saccharine Might Be Better for Her

Woman in leggings: What the fuck is this shit? You gonna hand me three motherfucking sugar packets? Do you have any idea how big this coffee is?
Cashier: We don’t put sugar in your coffee. Sugar packets are on the counter.
Woman in leggings: Listen, my boyfriend’s a cop. And he owns, like, three Dunkin’ Donuts franchises. What do you mean you won’t put sugar in my fuckin’ coffee? I want to speak to the manager.
Manager: Excuse me, but I heard you. There are sugar packets on the counter. Take as many as you like.
Woman in leggings: You guys are total assholes. –Dunkin’ Donuts, 96th & Broadway Overheard by: ProcrastYNate

Why Is It Saying, ‘That Was Easy’?

Security guard #1 rushing in: Where is the panic button?
Sales girl: I don’t even know what that is.
Security guard #1: It’s not under the counter? You don’t have a panic button? How can you not have a panic button?
Security guard #2: I think this is it. Here, on the wall behind you.
Security guard #1: Okay, okay. Okay, let’s press it and see if it works. –Pierpont Morgan Museum Gift Shop Overheard by: not-panicking

Circulation Department. How Can I Direct Your Underwear?

Salesgirl: And, with this purchase, you get a free set of panties. What size would you like?
Girl #1: Oh, really? Cool. Medium, please.
Girl #2: How are you a size 4 in pants and an extra-small in shirts but a medium in underwear?
Girl #1: Well, underwear always run true to size. You can’t kid yourself into thinking you look skinny when your thongs are cutting off circulation to your labia. –Express, 34th & 7th Overheard by: I would have to agree