Middle-aged woman to others: Just because she's got her own apartment, she thinks she has it all together. –Near NYU Overheard by: Eric 20-something guy to another, about his apartment: All I want to do in my apartment is die. –Fort Greene, Brooklyn Overheard by: Dodd Loomis Woman on cell, walking briskly: There was blood all over the apartment… –E 9th St b/w 1st & 2nd Ave Cashier to male shopper: Dude, your apartment is rent-stabilized and you have food stamps? You are so rich! –Whole Foods, Houston & Bowery 20-something trendy Jonas Brother-looking dude on cell: No, I sleep on the couch that's in the kitchen. (short pause) I'll tell you about my apartment later. –9th Ave b/w 14th & 15th Overheard by: Dash
Woman in leggings: What the fuck is this shit? You gonna hand me three motherfucking sugar packets? Do you have any idea how big this coffee is?
Cashier: We don’t put sugar in your coffee. Sugar packets are on the counter.
Woman in leggings: Listen, my boyfriend’s a cop. And he owns, like, three Dunkin’ Donuts franchises. What do you mean you won’t put sugar in my fuckin’ coffee? I want to speak to the manager.
Manager: Excuse me, but I heard you. There are sugar packets on the counter. Take as many as you like.
Woman in leggings: You guys are total assholes. –Dunkin’ Donuts, 96th & Broadway Overheard by: ProcrastYNate
Cashier #1: … And then she told me she got high on ecstasy by accident last night.
Cashier #2: By accident?
Cashier #1: Yeah. She was at his house and saw a little white thing on the coffee table, and that bitch thought it was a mint. –Todaro Bros. Grocery, 2nd Ave Overheard by: A
Security guard #1 rushing in: Where is the panic button?
Sales girl: I don’t even know what that is.
Security guard #1: It’s not under the counter? You don’t have a panic button? How can you not have a panic button?
Security guard #2: I think this is it. Here, on the wall behind you.
Security guard #1: Okay, okay. Okay, let’s press it and see if it works. –Pierpont Morgan Museum Gift Shop Overheard by: not-panicking
Storeworker: Can’t you at least pick up what you dropped?
Customer: I can’t bend. I have a bad back.
Storeworker: Why don’t you pretend it’s a ten dollar bill? Bet you’d dive pretty quick for that, wouldn’t you? –Marshall’s, Bensonhurst Overheard by: Deborah Olin
Lady: Excuse me, do you sell phone cards to Africa?
Cashier: Let me check. (looks around)
Guy at the beer cooler: Man, they ain't got no phones in Africa! –Convienance Store, 45th & 8th Overheard by: Joe
Mother: Do you sell M&M booty shorts for little girls?
Cashier: Um… No.
Mother: Oh well… thank you. –M&M’s World
Salesgirl: And, with this purchase, you get a free set of panties. What size would you like?
Girl #1: Oh, really? Cool. Medium, please.
Girl #2: How are you a size 4 in pants and an extra-small in shirts but a medium in underwear?
Girl #1: Well, underwear always run true to size. You can’t kid yourself into thinking you look skinny when your thongs are cutting off circulation to your labia. –Express, 34th & 7th Overheard by: I would have to agree
Hipster cashier: Yeah, and when I’m not working here, I just sit on MySpace and take pictures of my cat and shit.
Female customer: Sounds like the life… –Whole Foods, Union Square Overheard by: catherine
Coffee vendor: That iced coffee will be eight dollars, and the straw will cost you fifty cents extra, ha ha.
Cashier: Man, Joe, that coffee's expensive!
Coffee vendor: Why'd you gotta say my name, man? What if my baby mama came up in here looking for child support and youse be sayin' my name?! –Westside Market