Archive for the ‘Cashiers’ Category

Tomorrow: Cut or Uncut?

Teen Latina cashier: Jason asked me out.
Tween Latina bagger: Which Jason?
Teen Latina cashier: Jason. Honda.
Tween Latina bagger: H’mmm?
Teen Latina cashier: Blue Honda hatch…Blue Honda hatch, dual pipe. Tinted rear. Spinners.
Tween Latina bagger: Oh, yeah. –Foodtown, Bay Ridge Overheard by: Capn Midnite

Wednesday One-Liners Are Simply Scrotacular

Tourist mom with mullet, trying to take a picture of cute five-year old boy: Stand by the testicles, honey. Stand by the balls!

–Wall Street Bull

Overheard by: oh tourists

Suit to street vendor: You spend the money and get blue balls…

–Astor Place

Overheard by: Colin

Guy on cell: Fucking shit! What the fuck? This fucking shit is fucking messed up! (pause) Whatever, mommy… just get me a large, it'll give me more room for my balls.

–97th St & Madison Ave

Big guy in chair on sidewalk to friend: So, I ate a pair of balls last night. Lamb balls. Hot and spicy.

–Heath St & 231st St

Overheard by: Km

Ghetto man to Dunkin' Donuts cashier: Yo, how much is da balls?

–W 148th & Broadway

Nothing Like Being Double-Teamed by the Classics

Drunk customer: What kind of drunk return policy do you have?
Cashier: It’s a 14-day return policy.
Drunk customer: That’s not much of a drunk policy. Most guys get drunk and wake up next to women they regret the next day. Me? I wake up next to Dostoievsky and Dickens after a bender. I love New York!

–Barnes & Noble, Park Slope

Overheard by: Random

French Vanilla Means a Regular and a Handjob

LI girl: Wait, where’s the milk for the coffee?
Cashier: The sugar’s right here.
LI girl: No, I want milk. Don’t you have any milk in this whole place? For coffee?
Cashier: No, because you said you want regular.
LI girl: Yeah, regular — like ‘not decaf.’
Cashier: No. Regular is ‘no milk.’
LI girl: No. Black is like this — ‘no milk.’
Cashier: No. Black is ‘not hazelnut.’
Onlooker: Learn how to order or get out of the way.

–Ess-a Bagel, 21st & 1st

Overheard by: Jackie G