Archive for the ‘Cashiers’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners Have a Breakthrough

Employee: They tryin' to tell me I'm bipolar. I ain't bipolar; I just a overprotective parent.

–Chock Full o' Nuts, W 86th St

Overheard by: Emily B.

Calm woman: The thing about being a therapist is that, well, you're just a band-aid.

–W 3rd St

Dude, introducing himself: So, uh, my therapist thinks I'm ready to start dating again.

–F Train

Overheard by: Jenny

Eight-year-old with older man to cashier: He's not my father, he's my therapist.

–Deli, Upper West Side

Was Saving 49 Cents Really Worth All That?

Cashier: Look, it's $1.99, okay? Then, I take $1.49, okay. So it's two for a dollar, okay.
Customer: I don't get it, it said it was two for a dollar and you are charging me $1.49.
Cashier: No, no, no, see, it's $1.99, okay. I take out $1.49 okay. See, watch. I scan it and it says $1.99. Then I take out 1.49, see.
Customer: No, I don't see, I don't get why you are charging me $1.49.
Cashier: Ugh… Mary*, come here. (speaks to Mary* in Spanish)
Mary*: When she scans it you don't see the real amount because she isn't finished the transaction yet.
Customer: Then why wasn't she showing me that?
Mary*: She did show you that.

–Pratt Institute Associated, Myrtle Ave

Overheard by: Is Subtraction Really That Hard?

Why Thorazine Is Contraindicated for Service Employees

Yankee fan: Yeah, I'll have a grilled chicken sandwich and a vanilla iced coffee.
Apathetic cashier: Crispy chicken sandwich?
Yankee fan: No, grilled, sorry about that–I thought I said grilled.
Apathetic cashier: And you wanted a Diet Coke?
Yankee fan: No, a vanilla iced coffee.
Cashier: Oh.

–McDonald's, Yankee Stadium

Overheard by: Rachel W.

Maybe, but Her Body Stayed in the River

Cashier #1: So I was like, “Damn! I ain't gonna be drowned like this!” So I fought fo' mah life! And that's why I ain't dead.
Cashier #2: Yeah, that's the desire to live! It's human instinct, yo!
Cashier #1: Unless you kill yoself or somethin'.
Cashier #2: Yeah, but that's only if you just off a building or hang yourself or some shit, no one gonna drown themself!
Columbia chick: Well actually, Virginia Woolf drowned herself.
Cashier #1: What, she fall into the bathtub?
Columbia chick: Um, well no, she put rocks in her pocket and walked into a river.
Cashier #2: I bet she walked right out again! Shit…

–Health Store, 114th St & Broadway

Overheard by: Vicksburg