Trendy girl: I mean, I like her as a person, I just don’t like what she does with my hair. –Max, Ave. B Guy on cell: Listen man, he’s Trump. We can put his name on anything and they’ll buy it. Put his fucking face on a fucking bottle of water and they’ll fucking buy it! –28th St. and Park Avenue Overheard by: G Varod Woman on cell: There’s only one word for this party. And it is “epic.” –CPW and 110th St.
Dancer girl: I dunno, I mean, like, I wish they made a size like, triple zero, so I would have something to look forward to, y’know?
Man: Yeah, that’s how you gain weight: a backed-up colon. I cleaned mine out this weekend.
Overheard by: Alma Molato
Old woman, very loudly, in the middle of the movie: Boy, is she skinny!
–Movie theater, 86th Street b/w 2nd & 3rd
Overheard by: The New York Crank
Girl on cell: If bitch can’t afford to buy her own groceries, she can just get skinny!
–Green Village Used Clothing, Bushwick
Anorexic fashionista: Any self-respecting anorexic knows that!
–Lincoln Center, 62nd & 9th
Man on cell: You went to a party last night? Well, that means you have to do three hours tomorrow. And I want you to drink lots of water, but none of that crystal light crap. That is seven calories that you do not need.
Patriot: Happy motherfucking America Day, everyone!
20-something: It's called the 4th of July, dumbass.
Patriot: You shut your goddamn liberal commie bitch ass mouth, you fuckin terrorist!
Overheard by: Graham Davis
Drunk hipster girl: If I was to drop dead in the middle of that party, all those frat boys would fuck my corpse.
–78th & Madison
Physician #1: Hey, if you want, there’s gonna be a meeting on the night of the 16th.
Physician #2: I can’t. I’ll be in the Holy Land that week.
Physician #1: You’re gonna be in the Bronx?
–North Shore Hospital
Overheard by: Nik G
Woman with strong Southern accent: I am gonna have her bachelorette party in my apartment next weekend.
Woman: But the goddamn stripper won't return my phone calls.
(waitress brings shots)
Woman: What is this?
Waitress: Tequila, on us.
Woman: This'll put hair on my boobies.
Husband's friends: That's just how he likes it.
–Brother Jimmy's BBQ, Upper West Side
College girl: Yeah, the worst part about Africa was that we, like, didn't go out!
Overheard by: Noemi
Shabby-looking blue collar mom to distinguished older Indian woman: Ohhh! I have always wanted to go to Bollywood! I love East Africa and Asia! I wanted to buy a bonsai tree, but they are way too expensive.
20-something, looking at Washington arch: There was something like this in France.
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: M
Guy on cell: I swear I didn't have sex with her when I was in Norway.
–Lower East Side
50-something woman: Do you have pastrami?
Deli worker: Yes.
50-something woman: Is it good?
Deli worker: Yes.
50-something woman: Okay, then. I'd like a pastrami on rye. Lots of pastrami.
Deli worker: Will that be to stay or to go?
50-something woman: Oh, it's to go home to my husband. Tomorrow is the fifth anniversary of his triple bypass surgery.
Overheard by: ydnew naej
Excited girl: Oh, look! A block party!
Other girl: Nope. That's a group of homeless people.
–92nd & 2nd
Angry guy: Fuck her and fuck her wedding. I piss on her nuptials. I shit on her nuptials.
Angry wife: I know. I know. But we still have to send a gift.
Angry guy: A gift? I should shit in a box! Tomorrow you get a box from Tiffany’s. Today I eat walnuts!
–Trader Joe’s, 14th St