Chick: So then this huge fat lady with really bad teeth said, “This is the most fabulous party I’ve ever been to,” so I left. –1st Avenue & 9th Street Overheard by: Rex Danger
Girl #1: What are you doing today?
Girl #2: I dunno. What should we do to celebrate our country’s independence?
Girl #1: Oh yeah, it’s July 4th. You know what we should celebrate instead?
Girl #2: What?
Girl#1: Lil’ Kim’s independence.
–109th & Broadway
Overheard by: Angelica Cayne
Drunk guy in full New Year regalia: Well, I'm from fuckin' Pennsylvania and I never seen anything like this! This shit is fantastic! Woo!
Irritated sober woman: Really? No one on this train had any idea you weren't from New York!
–Uptown 1 Train
Overheard by: Rose Fox
Worried suit: Oh, good. I was hoping you would call. Uh yes…I’ve had bloody stool twice in the past two weeks… Yes, the blood is around it…I don’t know. What do you advise?
–McGraw-Hill Building, Rockefeller Center
Overheard by: HELP! I’m in the cube across from him
Woman to male companion: I don’t give a shit about no fucking white people, they can suck my bloody pussy. My shit is all bloody and nasty, but I changed my drawers and shit. At least I don’t just rinse it out and hang it in front of a fan…
One-eyed Armenian worker, pointing to sample bottle of Vampire wine: Would you like a taste of this wine? It’s half blood, but only the blood of pretty girls, I only drink pretty girls.
–Liquor Store, 10th St & 2nd Ave
MTA cop to blood drive employee: You want blood? I’ll give you blood. Just not from my arm, if you know what I mean.
Bro: If it looks like blood, it coagulates like blood.
Girl on cell: How was Vicky’s sweet 16? [couple of seconds later] Was the blood from your nose or your ass?
–36th St & Broadway, Astoria
Overheard by: Cody
Queer: I don't want someone to fuck me with their stoma!
–11th St & 6th Ave
Overheard by: Amanda
Gay guy: That girl is such a Rice Krispie.
–Outside Gristedes, Christopher St
Overheard by: McF
Queer on cell: And I said to him, "Take it like the bottom you are!"
–8th St & 23rd St
Gay guy: I just got pounded by the two hottest guys I've ever seen!
–58th & 9th
Gay man (getting his hair cut by another): So we went to Fire Island this weekend and we went to this party. I said, "Patrick, you better pee on Jon right now to mark your territory."
–57th & 7th
Gay man on cell: Oh, morals disappear after 8pm!
–Amsterdam & 83rd
Hipster girl: Why isn’t Ben coming to your party?
Emo friend: He’s going to see the vagina monologues… twice.
Man #1: I am getting ready to throw my annual party soon.
Man #2: Dude, just remember to invite women this year. –Central Park
Doctor (on cell): Hello Doctor…Just tell her to take more anti-depressants for God’s sake. I don’t know, tell her to take three. I’m with my kids for Father’s Day, OK? –33rd Street and 6th Avenue Overheard by: Christopher
20-something (to boyfriend): Janet said that no boyfriends were invited to her party. But she then made exceptions, for different reasons, for the boyfriends of every other girl who is invited to the party who has a boyfriend. Except for you. So I’m worried that she may not like you. –F train
Drunk Skank #1: …cause that’s what we’re celebrating.
Drunk Skank #2: What’re we celebrating?
Drunk Skank #1: The Bush/Cheney thing.
Drunk Skank #2: Oh yeah! –49th and Broadway Overheard by: Anne C.