Archive for the ‘Celebrations/Parties’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners Want to Be a Part Of It

Suit: That's why I can't help but love New York. New York is like the sick uncle that touches you when no ones around. –Grand Central Terminal Girl, after passing a tourist bumping into her: In New York we say "excuse me!" –Macy's, Herald Square Overheard by: The City Planner Guy to friend: Are we in the inner city or just the city? –1st Ave & 6th St Dude walking out of Penn station: You know what's great about going out in New York City? You can get completely bombed and it's no big deal, because you'll probably never see those people again, you know? –Penn Station Overheard by: BPV Aussie: The key to this city is to use words like "shitter." –96th & Columbus Ave

Wednesday One-Liners Clean Everything Up Before Their Parents Get Back

Black woman in trashy outfit: And he said "But the party just started, bitch, I'll take you in a few hours!" and I was like, "Nigga please! My water just broke!" –Lower East Side Asian bimbo on cell: I just spoke to Percy and allegedly they threw a party after we were fired, to celebrate us getting fired…but we're people too. –181 & St Nicholas Overheard by: must not have liked you Hipster girl: My all-time dream is to be shot by the cobra snake at a party, with a cig in my hand and Paul* between my thighs. –NYU Dorm Overheard by: Dayn Tattooed guy on iPhone: Yeah, I'm bringing a 250-foot Slip 'N Slide! –7th & 13th St Overheard by: can I come to that party? Loud man on cell: Yo, son! Why didn't you invite to your party? Damn…c'mon! Remember that time the chick in a wheelchair was working us in the cab? Yeah, she was in a wheelchair! Remember we got a cab for her and put her in the cab? That's right–that was me! She was giving us both head. –BBQ Restroom, 8th Ave, Chelsea 20-something woman: Wait…when is it a rule to give the host a handjob? –Museum of Natural History Overheard by: Jazz

But He's a “Maybe” for “Monday Night Sex N' Scrabble”

Girl: So, my dad friended me on Facebook the other day, and I was like “shiiit! Limit profile view!”
Guy #1: Are there that many incriminating things on your profile?
Girl: Not really.
Guy #2: So dad's not going to be attending Diane's “get drunk and dance” party? –Downtown 1 Train

When We Took Your Wallet and Divided It Up Amongst Us, for Instance.

Drunk guy in full New Year regalia: Well, I'm from fuckin' Pennsylvania and I never seen anything like this! This shit is fantastic! Woo!
Irritated sober woman: Really? No one on this train had any idea you weren't from New York! –Uptown 1 Train Overheard by: Rose Fox

Wednesday One-Liners Embrace the Stereotype

Queer: I don't want someone to fuck me with their stoma! –11th St & 6th Ave Overheard by: Amanda Gay guy: That girl is such a Rice Krispie. –Outside Gristedes, Christopher St Overheard by: McF Queer on cell: And I said to him, "Take it like the bottom you are!" –8th St & 23rd St Gay guy: I just got pounded by the two hottest guys I've ever seen! –58th & 9th Gay man (getting his hair cut by another): So we went to Fire Island this weekend and we went to this party. I said, "Patrick, you better pee on Jon right now to mark your territory." –57th & 7th Gay man on cell: Oh, morals disappear after 8pm! –Amsterdam & 83rd

…Despite My Best Efforts

50-something woman: Do you have pastrami?
Deli worker: Yes.
50-something woman: Is it good?
Deli worker: Yes.
50-something woman: Okay, then. I'd like a pastrami on rye. Lots of pastrami.
Deli worker: Will that be to stay or to go?
50-something woman: Oh, it's to go home to my husband. Tomorrow is the fifth anniversary of his triple bypass surgery. –Deli Store Overheard by: ydnew naej

You Could Pay Him in Rolling Papers and Water Balloons

Young female attorney: So, I went to my cousin’s party the other night and did keg stands with her and her law school friends.
Young male attorney: No way.
Young female attorney: Yup. I even played beer pong and flip cup.
Young male attorney: I can’t believe you went to a law school party.
Young female attorney: Oh, it gets better. I was talking to this 24-year-old guy, and in my drunken state accidently mentioned the name of the firm, and he was all like, ‘Oh my god! My father works for that firm! Do you know Steve Callahan*?’
Young male attorney: Whoa.
Young female attorney: Yeah, so I tried bargaining with him, telling him I wouldn’t tell his father about how he spends his Thursday nights if he wouldn’t mention that he saw me there.
Young male attorney: Oh, so you should be okay, then.
Young female attorney: Not so much. He reminded me that in order to tell his father anything, I’d have to admit I was there.
Young male attorney: Touché. Looks like he chose the right profession… Do you think Callahan would let him be my intern this summer? –In line for shish kebab vendor, Astoria

Wednesday One-Liners: “Is This Thing On?”

PA system: Leia, please meet your party at the front. Leia, not the princess, please meet your party at the front. –Bed, Bath & Beyond, 18th & 6th Overheard by: Rebecca Announcer over loudspeaker: The time is now one am o'clock! –Baggage Claim, JFK Overheard by: Kimmie Loudspeaker announcement: Attention, all late night shoppers, this is a live announcement. I repeat, this is not a recording! Right now, in our deli department, fully-cooked chickens! Come on over and get your chickens! They're hot! They're fresh! And they were alive this morning! –Pathmark, Cropsey Ave, Brooklyn Overheard by: Stacy Announcement over loudspeaker during class: Hello, I'm sorry for the interruption. Mr Poland Spring, you have to go outside, they're about to tow your truck. –Stuyvesant High School Loudspeaker: Good afternoon, East Side. Fag football…oops, I mean "flag football" will meet in the cafeteria immediately following advisory. –East Side Community High School