Archive for the ‘Celebrations/Parties’ Category

Winesday One-Liners

Mom on cell: So, she's a drunkard and you're taking her to a wine tasting?

–Park Ave

Overheard by: bad idea

Snooty hipster to girlfriend: This event is missing two things. One is wine and the other is cheese.

–Book Signing, Cobble Hill

Man to woman, looking at a wine list: Sure it's good wine. Brandon buys it by the case and takes it fishing.

–W Hotel Restaurant

Overheard by: Bob Leblaw

Crazy MTA employee lady: If you step over the line you will get a fine! And will not be able to dine on all that boxed wine! The fine, it will not be divine! And then you will whine. So don't step over the yellow line!

–4 Train

Overheard by: also stepped over the line

One-Liners All Have Wednesday DNA

Woman on cell: And then he threw the wig and car keys at him, and to me, that says family!

–West Village

Overheard by: Kate S

20-something on cell: Yeah, I Rickrolled my cousin's Bar Mitzvah last night. No, he didn't get it, the sheltered little Short Hills prick.

–MoMA

Overheard by: Trevor

Young guy in deli to friend: So getting support from my parents is like dealing with a record label. You have to create a buzz, make it seem like you're doing something, or they don't want to be involved with you.

–Frank's Deli

Drunk girl: That's my brother! But we're both only children.

–Pieces Bar, Christopher St

30-something man to 30-something woman: When are we ever going to find a time when both of our parents aren't home?

–7th & 1st

Wednesday One-Liners Are Another Year Older but None the Wiser

20-something: I didn't even realize it was my birthday until I checked Facebook!

–Upper West Side

Overheard by: mtrainetiquette

Girl to friend: We should celebrate tonight–it's my half birthday in 10 days.

–Crocodile Lounge, E 14th St

Tourist: See nobody is wearing birthday scars…

–34th St & 5th Ave

Guy to girl: Wait, did you really believe I was going to get you a Hello Kitty vibrator for your birthday?

–45th & 8th

Drunk girl to hobo: It's my birthday! You should be giving *me* money!

–111 & Broadway

Wednesday One-Liners, from the Redwood Forest to the Gulf Stream Waters

Very heavy ten-year-old boy, yelling excitedly: I heard they have bacon flavored popcorn in Florida! I love the south!

–Flushing, Queens

Hipster girl on cell: The entire state of Mississippi isn't a complete waste of space, even though it seems like it right now.

–Atlantic & Smith, Brooklyn Heights

Wino, grabbing can of beer: Here's 15 cents. I'll get the rest of it for you today. I promise! I'm from Georgia, I know how this shit works!

–Deli at 33rd & 7th

Overheard by: EthanK

Loud girl to friend: Maria? Maria's not dead, Maria's in Virginia?

–BxM10 Bus

Overheard by: bxgirl

Girl to boyfriend: I mean, when someone says they're throwing an "Iowa State Fair"-themed wedding, you don't think twice about going!

–30th Ave, Astoria

Who's Gonna Hold Wednesday's Hair While She One-Liners?

Self-tanned woman on BlackBerry, pushing stroller: I'm gonna puke because you're not here with me!

–American Eagle

Overheard by: liveyourlife

Cheerful woman on cell: Oh yeah, I been getting mad nauseous on this bus! But I ain't putting my face near that toilet back there, nuh-uh. I'd rather get sick all over myself.

–Chinatown Bus to DC

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Guy waiting for n train: I just want to fucking go home and puke in my own fucking toilet!

–Canal St & Broadway

Woman: I come out of the bathroom after three hours of him barfing, and people think we were having sex! You think I'm that hot at 46 to go shag my boy in the middle of a party? And even if I were, I would have been gone for, what? Like, ten minutes? Max!

–Time Warner Building

Girl to friends: I definitely think gay vomit would be the prettiest.

–Perry & Bleecker

Overheard by: other contenders?