Archive for the ‘Celebrities’ Category

Our First Quasi-Celebrity Submission

A woman wearing a Mick Jagger shirt is approached by a model, who tells her: I like your shirt. Then the model calls her son (about four) over and says: Look at her shirt. That’s his dad, you know. [Turns out that she wasn’t joking; the model’s name is Luciana Morad.] –Time Warner Center Mall

Wednesday One-Liners Have at Least One Marketable Skill

Pragmatist: I figure if I don’t get a job in publishing, I’ll become a video vixen. –Dunkin’ Donuts, Ditmars Blvd, Astoria Overheard by: Christine Skank: No way! I am not one of those girls. I am not a video girl…I am a dancer! –34th & 8th Overheard by: Skye Ditz: Supposably [sic], she’s going to be dancing in some Beyonce video. She’s so stupid. –54th St between 9th & 10th Media scholar: Well it’s different when the girl getting fucked in the video is the same age as you. I mean, that’s great when you’re 15. –20th & 8th

Wednesday One-Liners (the King James Version)

Cute chick on cell: If the Amish can do it, so can you. [Pause, then louder.] If the Amish can do it, so can you! –113th & Amsterdam Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy Lady on cell: You tell my momma to get her ass to church and stop sinning! –Grand Concourse, 205th St. Overheard by: LSB Black guy to another: Go to the Catholic church, cracka. They got good drugs. –11th & A Middle Eastern man: I believe in Islam and Allah, but I drink, I smoke, and I fuck. When I stop doing those things, then I’ll pray. –C Train Overheard by: Mark Thug: I totally invented the Chuck Norris religion. –Queens Mall Overheard by: LSB

Psych! I Know You Used to Have a Career.

David Lee Roth: Hey, kid, you want a ticket to Van Halen?
20-something: Sure, sounds good.
David Lee Roth: Psych! Get the fuck out of here, kid.
Bouncer, to 20-something: You know that was David Lee Roth, right?
20-something, turning to David Lee Roth: Holy shit, you’re the guy from the Adam Sandler song! –Outside Scores, 60th & 1st Overheard by: Adam Nathan