Archive for the ‘Cell Phone’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners Lead with Their Nipples

12-year-old girl to friend: So, he asked me for a piggyback ride and grabbed onto my boobs! Isn’t that what you call sexism? When you’re a perv? Sexist? –6th & Houston Overheard by: Ha, ha, Mal. Man on cell: You’re an eight, but you’d be a ten if your boobs were bigger… –19th & 7th Girl: Where’s my phone? … Oh, there’s my boob. –Prospect Heights, Brooklyn Overheard by: Mariah Woman on cell: I have to throw my breasts around and tell every guy I want to have sex with them at work. –68th & 2nd Chick on cell: I haven’t yet met him, you know, but he has a Christmas card featuring my boobies on his fridge. –LIRR Overheard by: Ladle

And the Rest I Just Use During Sexting

Girl, while texting: Cindy, this is so weird.
Cindy: What is?
Girl: My predictive text. My phone recognizes “intravaginal”, “labradoodle,” “hornswoggle” and “clusterfuck,” but won't recognize “pomegranate” or “wildebeest!”
Cindy: Why would you need to use those words?
Girl: I like those pomegranate jelly beans my mom got from T.J. Maxx. –M1 Bus

I’d Give an Arm and a Leg for a Wednesday One-Liner

Young society reject to same: You’re the psycho-freak out! You touch people’s ears at random! –AMC Theatre at Lincoln Center Overheard by: G-Lime A woman to friend: My friend just became a manicurist. She had her first client today and she only has one hand. –Forham University Woman almost forgetting her sunglasses: I would lose my ass if it wasn’t attached to my neck! –A Train Overheard by: Don Student: I think the guy selling cell phones on the street made off with my uterus. –Touro College of Osteopathis, Harlem Coworker to another: You have thighs now. When you came here, you had no thighs. –1250 Broadway Suit #1 to suit #2: He has the feet of a nine-year-old girl! –44th & Lexington

How Carson Daly Got into the Music Business

Teen boy #1: Change your ringtone! Change it! [Slams table.]
Teen boy #2: Don’t you like that song? I love it.
Teen boy #1, to others: His phone rings all day — I’m sick of it. I have to have a new song. He gets that many calls, he should have one song for each girl so I’m entertained! –Little Italy