Archive for the ‘Central Park’ Category

Wednesdays Are Naturally Sweetened With One-Liners

Chick on cell: As a pie-lover, I have a question.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Poogins

Father to toddler: No, you can't have a doughnut. You just had a doughnut yesterday. You can have another when you're…25!

–Doughnut Plant, Grand & Norfolk

Large older woman: I like cherry, lemon, peach, apple, and pumpkin. Other than that, I'm not a big pie person.

–Central Park Bench

Overheard by: Struedel Snatcher

Big black guy: And she kept trying to get me to take a pie, but I kept telling her, "bitch, I ain't got no room for no pie!"

–Penn Station

Young lady to friend, gravely: I understand, but things have changed. That was before the chocolate bonanza.

–72nd & Broadway

Overheard by: T. Ryan

Sometimes, Wednesday One-Liners Are Tough to Swallow

Girl on cell: Five hours later, I was still pulling cum out of my hair!

–13th St

Overheard by: questioning the physics

Drunk girl to drunk guy: I would love to be 5'8", I mean…it's like not tall…but like not short. (four minutes later, screaming) Yeah…like…too much thought is like…bad for you! (later) They should've jerked you off in your sock!

–84th & Amsterdam Ave

One of four middle aged men on a bench: Well, the key is to never swallow the cum, spit the cum out.

–Central Park

Overheard by: Dan

High voiced hobo to teenager: I want you to cum on my face.

–72nd St & Broadway

20-something girl on cell: Oh, you can't carry the microscope with you? Well, if you come here we'll have to forgo the sperm. If I come to visit you, then we can work it into the schedule.

–Ess-A-Bagel

Overheard by: Emma

NYU dude: How do you get cock-blocked while you're jizzing?!

–St. Mark's Place & 2nd Ave

Overheard by: IWasWonderingThatToo

Student, slamming reproductive biology book shut: Sperm! It's everywhere!

–Bobst Library

Overheard by: ttny

Man's Best Wednesday One-Liner

Slightly thugged-out guy, rapping to little white poodle: Li'l coco! You's a muthafuckin' beast, yo! Li'l coco! Yeah!

–Cobble Hill, Brooklyn

Overheard by: John Bender

Guy to dog: Lady, it's just me! There's only me!

–77th St, Bay Ridge

Overheard by: Jon A.

Big burly guy to tiny yorkie, as it sniffs tree and walks away: Well, thanks for that false alarm.

–43rd St & 10th Ave

Upper West Side lady to little pampered dog with sweater: It's okay, baby, you can talk.

–80th Ave & Columbus

Hipster dog walker, whispering to herd of dachsunds: Mushhhhh…

–Central Park

Hooked on Wednesday One-Liners Worked for Me!

Tween girl: No, it's "Yiddish"! "Yiddish," not "ribbit."

–Penn Station

Overheard by: ragnvaeig

20-something girl to older friend: No, no… "ghetto" is just slang–it's not a real word.

–PATH Train

Guy on cell: Yo. (pause) Yo, yo. (pause) Yo, yo. (pause) Yo, yo, yo.

–Pacific St & Atlantic Ave

Overheard by: jayloo

Guy to another, who has obviously caused him some emotional strife: I just don't understand why you had to did me so dirty.

–Hudson River Park

Teenage boy: But I ain't know where was them talkin' about it! (teenage friend nods sympathetically)

–Downtown 6 Train

Girl to guy: It must be your manstinct. (pause) Not ya manstink!

–Central Park

An Infestation of Wednesday One-Liners

Woman on phone: I am being nice, but I'm not going to describe to you in great detail what a bug looks like!

–Staten Island Ferry

Overheard by: R&L

Man in zoot suit: When I talk, I don't want you bitches saying nothing! I only wanna hear the cockroaches fornicating on the walls!

–F Train

Overheard by: Reagan

Hipster: It was like watching a praying mantis have a seizure.

–16th & 8th

Wasted girl on sidewalk: No, I am so upset, I am so upset, I lost the back of my phone and there is a bug, a bug!

–11th & Broadway

Old lady: She looks pretty much like a roach.

–Central Park

Overheard by: Adam Nathan