Teen girl on cell: …you just gotta sit him down and say we’re both pregnant by him and we wanna know if we can get along! –Canal Street JHS boy: Let’s make like a fetus and head out. –Broadway & Washington Place Drunk girl: How could I be pregnant? I like women! –Times Square Thug on cell: Nigga, how you been? Shit, I had five kids since I last seen you! –Elizabeth & Prince Guy on cell: Do we have to wash you and shave you and put a diaper on you before tonight? –Penn Station Overheard by: djlindee
Tourist chick: Of course he doesn’t speak English…at least until you piss on his floor. –Chinatown
Girl: Fall Out Boy would fuck me for my shoes.
Friend: Yo, I would fuck you for your shoes.
Cashier: Lemme see your shoes? [Nods] I’d fuck you for your shoes.
Overheard by: Myshoes
Brunette using computer: Have you ever posed naked?
Blonde: Yeah, my ex-boyfriend posted a video of me on the net.
Brunette: Really? What’s the URL?
Blonde: Animal boinks dot com*.
Brunette, finding site: Now what?
Blonde: Click ‘Tami*.’
Brunette: Oh my god! Is that you?
Brunette: You’re fucking a dog!
Blonde: My ex-boyfriend begged me for months to do that.
Brunette: I like man dick. I even like pussy… How could you fuck a dog, you sick bitch?
Blonde: Fuck you! At least I’m not a lesbian!
Brunette: At least I stick to my own species!
Brunette: Sick bitch! You fuck pigs and horses, too?
Blonde: No, just dogs. It was my ex-boyfriend’s idea. And at least I’m not a lesbian.
Brunette: At least I’m not on the net with a pooch eating my cooch!
Chinese nerd-boy at next computer: This is the best conversation I ever heard in my life!
–Internet café, Mott St, Chinatown
Overheard by: Big Larry
Chick #1: What’s wrong, sweetie?
Chick #2: Well, for the past few weeks I’ve had… [lowers voice] genital warts.
Chick #1: Oh my god, sweetie. I’m so sorry. [Goes to hug friend, then stops] Oh, wait. We probably shouldn’t touch.
–Knockoff purse stall, Chinatown
Overheard by: Kelly
Headline by: Mike Chmiel
· “Don’t worry – circle, circle, dot, dot takes care of everything” – Melissa
· “I probably shouldn’t be sleeping with your boyfriend either.” – Rachel
· “Or we could just not hug with our vaginas” – Matt
· “We also should avoid rubbing our genitals on the same doorknob” – Mdan
Click here to see the new Headline Contest
Drunk black girl: I get mad cheap shit in Chinatown. You can get shit for like ten cents. China knows what’s up.
Drunk black guy: Shit. But they are communist and shit.
Drunk black girl: Yeah, but the U.S. is a bunch of idiots. They’re like, "We are gonna make shit fuckin’ expensive," and China is like, "FUUUCK YOUUU. We are gonna sell shit for like one dollar, and all you stupid white bitches gonna buy it up. Fuuuck youuu."
–N train, 28th St
Woman to another: She had one baby at her breast and another baby sitting next to her, trying to sell chicklets.
–10 Rockefeller Plaza
Overheard by: Jarrod
Young man to young woman: Sell it on the black market or give it up for adoption. That's basically your only two options.
–Grand St, Chinatown
Overheard by: Mike Posillico
Crazy woman to entire bus: My husband be given my money to all those hoes. That's why I gotta sell coffee. But at least I'm not sellin' my ass… (gets distracted by radio) Oh, this is a nice song.
Overheard by: Karly
Father of four, attempting herd jumping children on street: Okay, the next child that doesn't listen to me will be sold!
–34th & 3rd
Overheard by: Dahouhou
Midwestern lady tourist to husband: Huh, Virgin. I wonder what they sell there.
–14th St, across Doomed Megastore
Overheard by: Not buyin what they're sellin
Train begins moving, but stops abruptly.
Crazy lady: Oh no. Uh-uh. Damn. [Sticks head out door] You people getting on or off? This silly shit’s gotta stop.
Concerned woman: A gentleman up there has just had a heart attack.
Crazy lady: I’m sure he did. Uh-huh. I’m sure that’s it. Always gotta be some bullshit.
–1 train, Canal St
Girl #1 to girl #2: Wouldn't you just rather have a night where we just get really high and scissor?
–Grand & Union, Brooklyn
Guy on cell: So they're smoking crack and fucking on his mother's bed!
–17th & 8th Ave
Overheard by: Dave
Little kid: Look, I'm on crack!
–Apple Store, Staten Island Mall
Overheard by: Robert
Junkie to junkie companion, standing in front of Band-Aids: I need to test positive for methadone and negative for everything else…
–Walgreens, Union Square
Hobo on train: Does anyone have any money for me? Any food? Any opium? Lots and lots of opium?
–Uptown 6 Train
Overheard by: left my opium stash at home
20-something blond girl on cell: You just have to convince them that you care more about college than you do about drugs, and they'll give you another chance…that's what I did!
Overheard by: GavinJoyce
Tourist: So I called her up and said, "Come down or you're going to miss breakfast, and I want to have breakfast with you." And all she said was, "I really like opium." and I was like, "Oh, okay."
–33rd & 7th
Overheard by: EthanK
Ghetto woman: Did you go on vacation this year?
Ghetto man: No.
Ghetto woman: Why didn't you go on vacation?
Ghetto man: I can't go on vacation, I can't even go to the Bronx.
Overheard by: Romany