Archive for the ‘Chinese’ Category

The Joy Luck Wednesday One-Liners

20-something guy on cell: I'm sure she wants to castrate me. (pause) Remember her Asian friend, well… (pause) Yeah, I hit that. (pause, then uncontrollable laugh) I gots the yellow fever!

–59th St & 11th

Chinese brother to sister: All Asians get off at this stop. (looking out window) See? They're all Asian. (pause) Oh, wait, there's one English guy.

–Grand Street Stop, D Train

Overheard by: Justin W

Asian girl on cell: You know how people say all Asians look the same? Well, I realized something today. All white people look the same to me–I honestly can't tell them apart!

–Port Authority

20-something Asian girl on cell, in perfect American English: So, I just got welcomed to America for the second time today. Are my clothes that… (with disgust) Asian?

–Metro-North

Overheard by: RedShikari

These Wednesday One-Liners Got Sole!

Woman: Nothing says "ferry terminal" like fish with moustaches.

–Battery Maritime Building

Overheard by: Jon A.

Guy in quiet, crowded elevator: Do you know if jellyfish reproduce sexually?

–Google's NYC Office, 15th St & 8th Ave

Overheard by: Derek

Teen girl to friend: But your shrimp ate a fish alive? Is that what happened? I don't believe you. Shrimp can't eat fish. It's like part of a food chain or something.

–Metro North Railroad

Overheard by: Jessica S.

Excited tourist girl among crowd of Chinese people: I can smell the fish!

–Grand Street Subway Station

Overheard by: Angelina

30-something female customer to H&M employee: Do I smell like I just ate fish?

–H&M

Overheard by: julia

Really drunk girl in front of gallery: I would fuck him for lobster!

–26st St & 10th Ave, Chelsea

Overheard by: Charlotte

The Moo Goo Gai Pancakes Will Be Out in a Moment

Chinese waitress, serving food: Chicken Lo Mein?
Teen guy: Chicken oatmeal?
Chinese waitress: Yes.

–St Mark's Place

Overheard by: jamie

Headline by: RaindanceRichard

Runners-Up:
· “Ancient Chinese Secret, Huh?” – re-thinking my breakfast options
· “Avant-Garde Asian Cuisine Was Born Of Language Barriers” – Benjamin
· “Breakfast Of Beijing Olympic Champions” – Morning Glory
· “Lunch Special #27, Peking Duck Pop Tarts” – Bridie
· “Thats What We Call “Blunch”” – amandÅ


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The People's Republic of Wednesday One-Liners

Wasp woman, looking at Asian Peoples exhibit: Oh, honey, look, that woman looks just like that woman at that Chinese food place we like!

–Museum of Natrual History

Overheard by: Heather

Older man to Chinese friend: You know, Caucasians really can't tell the difference between the Asians and the Chinese.

–23rd St b/w 5th & 6th Ave

Overheard by: James

Burly bouncer to burnt-out groupie: Don't think of it as a finger, think of it as an Asian penis.

–11th & 3rd

Tourist on cell: I think I'm heading towards Little Italy, but all I see are Chinese people. I feel like fuckin' Marco Polo. Fuck man, where are you? (trips on curb and falls into pile of trash bags)

–Canal St

Giggling 20-something: So we hired a new intern, and she's Asian!

–Murray Hill

Overheard by: sab

Every Time One of Us Gets a Homosexual Urge, We Take a Shot

Frat guy: Do you guys rent out this place on Monday nights? Me and my buddies want to come back here.
Chinese woman behind bar: Yes. You want to watch football?
Frat guy: No! Gossip Girl!

–Karaoke Bar, Chinatown

Headline by: JakeP.

Runners-Up:
· “And Then We Will Paint Our Nails and Determine Who’s a Blaire and Who’s a Sabrina!” – Doesn’t watch Gossip Girl!

· “BTW, Do You Know How to Make a Cosmo?” – mark
· “Make the Reservation Under Kappa Feather Boa” – PeterG
· “She No Work on Mondays, but Little Lotus Come, You Like?” – Sim Etrias
· “Then It’s Off to Get Our Eyebrows Waxed!” – Sandy Paws
· “We Can’t Masturbate to Football Now That John Madden Retired” – Captain Sensible
· “You Can’t Watch Football on Mani/Pedi Night!” – tatts


Click here to see the new Headline Contest