Archive for the ‘Christianity’ Category

Wednesday One-Liner Repeats Itself

Lady to foreign friend: These 13 circles have the names of the original colonies from when Columbus landed in America. –Conservatory Garden, 105th & 5th Teenage girl to friend: But Trotsky was totally doing Lenin, you can't deny it. –1 Train Friend in elevator showing old photos from Rome: There's the Colosseum. You know. Where the lions and the Catholics had their thing. –7th & 31st Overheard by: Greg Teenage boy to another: Y'know what I'd like to see? Teddy Roosevelt and Andrew Jackson in a cage fight. –6th Ave & 54th St Overheard by: Dale

I’m Like, Oh No, You Vatican’t!

Sassy gay guy: Have you seen how ghetto the Upper East Side has gotten?
Girl in yoga clothes: Um.
Sassy gay guy: And everyone is a bitch. A freakin’ nun pushed me out of her way one time.
Girl in yoga clothes: Ha! Really?!
Sassy gay guy: Yes mam! [Snaps his fingers.] So I pushed her all the way down, girl. Whatever. I don’t care. I’m not Catholic! –50th & Broadway

Wednesday One-Liners Are Here, They’re Queer, They’re Not Going Anywhere

Woman: And you are not a lesbian either! You are only gay on weekends. –Union Square Overheard by: Adam Bozarth Teen girl: I know Jimmy’s not gay because he stole my girlfriend. –R train Preacher: Mark my words–by sunrise you will be smothered in lesbians. –53rd & 5th Overheard by: Kaleena Thoughtful guy: I always thought that if I were gay I’d be the manlier one. But now that I think about it I’d want to be the girly one for all the free stuff. –26th & 1st Overheard by: Charles Guy on cell: Wait…Christ! It’s gayer than three snaps in Z formation in here. –The Hangar, Christopher St Overheard by: TK Midwestern guy: That is complete bullshit! How do you make a dog gay? –Century 21 Teen girl: It’s funny talking to him now. I mean, in the eighth grade we knew he was gay, but not take-it-up-the-butt gay. –Uptown 1 train

Son Of a Wednesday One-Liner Man

Evangelist outside gym: You want to be a macho man? Look at Jesus! –Broadway & Prince Street evangelist on microphone: Y'all ever see two female pigeons in bed together? –Fordham Plaza Very agitated priest: Jesus was a zygote once–what if Mary aborted him? –St. Luke's Church, Whitestone Crazy subway evangelist: If god could make me a good crackhead, you best believe he could make me a good preacher. –E Train Overheard by: Giggling at crack Preacher: And that's why your religion is null and void. –Union Square Overheard by: Alfie

Wednesday One-liners Are Pastafarians

Man: …and then she’s gon’ ask me, “How was church?” I’m like, get the fuck outta here. How many times have I asked her to go to Goddamn church with me? Every fuckin’ Sunday, I ask that bitch to go to Goddamn church with me. Never! Not once has she come with me, now she wants to ask me, “How was fuckin’ church?”. –Sephora, 19th & 5th Overheard by: yassira diggs Mormon guy: So last time I was here, I was trying to get to Columbia, and I missed my stop and got off in Harlem. And I looked around and thought, “I can’t believe I’m the only white person here!” And sure enough, I was the only white person there. I mean, I was wearing a tie! –flight into JFK Woman: Oh boy, you are in trouble girl. Jesus says to come over here right now. Jesus says come over here now! –Brooklyn Museum Guy: So I really need your advice. My wife was driving on the LIE, and she had a vision from God telling her to sleep with this other guy, so she did. Well, I finally got her to move back in with me, but now she says I’m full of shit and everything I say is a lie. I really want to work this out with her, you know? –Penn Station God Squad guy: I love all y’all in the name of Jesus, ’cause I got Jesus! I’m blessed, you’re stressed. I’m anointed, you’re disappointed! –4 train Overheard by: saltylips God Squad woman: Here come da Jesus, fire from his mouth! –1st Avenue L station Overheard by: Adam Nathan Girl: Jesus there’s like a restaurant every two feet here. –46th between 8th & 9th Man: …come to think about it, my grandfather was in charge of the marshmallow burning during Joan of Arc’s burning, so I guess it’s in my heritage! –45th between 8th & 9th Overheard by: Alex Venguer

Wednesday One-Liners: “Toga! Toga! Toga!”

60-something white woman: They put on a good show. Those Jesuits really know how to party! –Penn Station Overheard by: Jeff Gay man to others, about parties: Yeah, I thought about going to the black party, but I'm not that gay! –7th Ave & 6th St Overheard by: NottRob Young woman: I'm twenty-seven. I've never been to a party, a sexy party, where I don't remember who I've slept with. –21st St & Lexington Overheard by: Jonas Chick on cell: I can't. It's my cousin's chihuahua's birthday party. –28th St & Lexington Overheard by: sounds like a rager

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NYU girl #1: What the hell is the professor talking about? We can't use the internet to do research?
NYU girl #2: She doesn't know what she's talking about.
NYU girl #1: I mean, an article in The New York Times is totally an academic resource, even if I look at it on their web page. Does she think The New York Times isn't right?
NYU girl #2: Yeah, fuck her!
NYU girl #1: I also cited the bible in my paper, but that's totally an academic source. –Waverly Place