Meathead: I want to get the Jesus fish tattooed on my back with the Greek letters in it. But my Mom even has a problem with that! –D train
Archive for the ‘Christianity’ Category
The New York Marginalized
Columbia University student #1: The most marginalized group on campus are the college Republicans
Columbia University student #2: No, it’s the Christians
– Private get-together of Columbia students, East Village
Oddly, She’s the World’s Biggest Menorah
Nun #1: The lady who is the Statue of Liberty is Catholic.
Nun #2: Someone told me she was Muslim, but I think they were just trying to keep it safe from airplane attacks.
–South Street Seaport
Overheard by: Joseph Lo Cascio
NYC: Home of Free Political Commentary
Homeless preacher: Any man can be President, but only one man can be in the White House: the White Man. –53rd & 5th Ave Hobo: My pope, he’s a terrible pope. –52nd & Broadway
The Ironing is Delicious
Man: A woman was killed today by a falling cross.
Woman: Oh my God!
–Madison & 42nd
That Is So Wrong! You Never End a Sentence with a Preposition.
Evangelist, screaming to crowd: Fornication is wrong! It only leads to more sin!
Girl on cell: Should I go tell this evangelist that I'm on my way home to fornicate with my Jewish boyfriend that I'm living in sin with?
–Staten Island Ferry Terminal
Catholic Schoolgirls Certainly Are
Girl #1: I used to wear a cross, but then one time somebody was like, “you cant wear a cross–you drink!
Girl #2: Did you tell them that Jesus drank?
Girl #1: I should have! Jesus was so down to party!
Girl #2: Bitch, if you turn water into wine, you are the party.
–Fordham University
Wednesday One-Liners Keep It Rail
Conductor: Ladies in gentlemen, we would be moving, but there's a bitch-ass 5 train ahead hogging all the customers at 59th St.
–4 Express Train
Overheard by: Lexington
Conductor: Once again, there are no 2 or 3 trains from this station, so if you are looking for anything, don't get off the train, coz it's not gonna be there.
–Downtown 4 Train
Overheard by: Donz
Conductor: Okay, raise your hand if you want to leave!
–7 Train
Overheard by: will it help if I put two hands up?
Conductor: Do not get on this train. It is not taking any passengers, not even one. Do not even try, you will get kicked off.
–Fordham Rd, Bronx
Overheard by: The next train isn't for an hour and I'm already late.
Conductor: Attention, passengers… You cannot use chemical solvents on the train.
–NJ Transit
Conductor: The next stop will be Bryant Park, #2nd Street. What a gorgeous day! Why not take advantage of one of New York City's many fine outdoor eateries. Have you heard the one about the monk and the hot dog vendor? Hot dog vendor: "What's it going to be, buddy?" Monk: "Make me one with everything"! This is Bryant Park, 42nd Street. Have an enlightened day!
–F Train
By Happy Accident Of Birth
Diner: How adorable! Confirmation?
Mother, with two adorable little girls in white dresses: Communion. No, wait. Baptism.
Diner: Whatever. I'm Jewish.
–Pizzeria Uno, 81st St & Columbus
You Can't Handle the Wednesday One-Liner!
Girls on bench: Is US weekly magazine, like, the only one that's true?
–Central Park
Man on cell, crossing street: And I told that Jewish cunt that everything she's heard about black men is true, and I'm gonna stick my foot in her fucking mouth.
–46th St & Madison Ave
Bum conversing with Bible-toting teens: Yes, it's in the Bible… But is it true?
–Union Square
Skater boy: Most things aren't true.
–72nd St & Amsterdam