Blonde coed: After he finished yelling at me for a solid ten minutes, he's like, "So, do you want to be my girlfriend?"
–3rd Ave & 11th St
Overheard by: simon
Middle school girl to boy: I don't normally get with sixth graders, but you're different…
–10th St & 1st Ave
Woman on cell: You are not listening to me. (pause) When you say whatever it is you're bitching about', I know that you are not actually listening to me.
–Riverside Park
Guy on cell: I don't treat you quite as bad as you say.
–Amtrak
Overheard by: Flooey
Boyfriend, about girlfriend enthusiastically cheering on Colbert: Why don't you scream like that for me?
–The Colbert Report Set
Party girl to friend: So I asked my priest, and he said "I think you should see other people."
–Park Ave & 29th St
Overheard by: petey
Archive for the ‘Christianity’ Category
JAP Means “Chosen One” in WASP Speak, Right?
Teenage girl #1: I go to a Christian school.
Teenage girl #2: Aren't you Jewish?
Teenage girl #1: Yeah, they love me. They think I'm the chosen one!
–3rd Ave & 15th St
Wednesday One-Liners: “Toga! Toga! Toga!”
60-something white woman: They put on a good show. Those Jesuits really know how to party!
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Jeff
Gay man to others, about parties: Yeah, I thought about going to the black party, but I'm not that gay!
–7th Ave & 6th St
Overheard by: NottRob
Young woman: I'm twenty-seven. I've never been to a party, a sexy party, where I don't remember who I've slept with.
–21st St & Lexington
Overheard by: Jonas
Chick on cell: I can't. It's my cousin's chihuahua's birthday party.
–28th St & Lexington
Overheard by: sounds like a rager
He Was Like, “This Is My Body, Breaded and Fried for You”
AP English teacher: Let's look at how this book can be read as a Christian allegory. The main character, Santiago, was a fisherman. (draws Jesus fish symbol on board) Okay, you all know what this is. So it means that Jesus, like Santiago, was a…?
Confused student: A fish?
–Riverdale
Night Train, Thunderbird and Wednesday One-Liners
Crazy hobo with guitar to stranger: Damn… you invited a lot of people.
–1 Train
Hobo to young married couple: I have found the promised land. Seriously. I'd get a plane ticket right now, but it'd be cheaper to go to confession for a week and then get hit by a bus. Remind me to tell you about this later.
–Times Square
Overheard by: Oliver
Grimy hobo: Hey, do you guys have any change? Hey, do you guys have any change?
(20-something girl walks past him, with businessman a few steps behind) Hey, do you guys want to have sex? Uh, I mean…
–W 3rd & Thompson
Hobo, taking donations to help the homeless, counting coins: 25…50…60… (grabs fistful of coins sticks in pocket) Tax rebate!
–Union Square
What About While Dancing Topless on Tables?
19-year-old girl, considering free wine: Isn't it a sin to drink? Or just to get drunk?
19-year-old friend: I think it's just a sin to get really drunk. Drinking is allowed, though.
–Sunny's Restaurant
Isn't That “Yippee-ki-yay, Motherfucker”?
Teacher: So, in Gangs of New York, Amsterdam throws the bible into the river. What does this represent?
Student #1: He's rejecting his religion because he wants to get revenge.
Teacher: Right. The bible says…
Student #2: “You shall not get revenge”!
Teacher: I don't think that's actually what it says.
Student #2: Yeah, whatever… It could be the 11th commitment!
–St. Francis Prep, Queens
Stupid First Amendment
Girl #1: Is he reading the Bible?
Girl #2: No, it's something about Nazis, can't you see the swastika?
–Q36 Bus
Fun-Size Wednesday One-Liners
Jewish guy on cell: I finally got evangelized this week! (pause) It wasn't as much fun as I thought it was going to be.
–121st & Broadway
Lady on cell: Have fun with the… what do you call them… Oh, people!
–Shakespeare in the Park Line, Central Park
Overheard by: Megan W.
20-something male looking at painting: Hangings probably aren't as fun as they look.
–MoMa
Kid to his mother: Wow! The critics were right, this is the most fun you can have while sitting down!
–Outside Hairspray
Overheard by: DeDra
Wednesday One-Liner Repeats Itself
Lady to foreign friend: These 13 circles have the names of the original colonies from when Columbus landed in America.
–Conservatory Garden, 105th & 5th
Teenage girl to friend: But Trotsky was totally doing Lenin, you can't deny it.
–1 Train
Friend in elevator showing old photos from Rome: There's the Colosseum. You know. Where the lions and the Catholics had their thing.
–7th & 31st
Overheard by: Greg
Teenage boy to another: Y'know what I'd like to see? Teddy Roosevelt and Andrew Jackson in a cage fight.
–6th Ave & 54th St
Overheard by: Dale