Archive for the ‘Christianity’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners Keep It Rail

Conductor: Ladies in gentlemen, we would be moving, but there's a bitch-ass 5 train ahead hogging all the customers at 59th St. –4 Express Train Overheard by: Lexington Conductor: Once again, there are no 2 or 3 trains from this station, so if you are looking for anything, don't get off the train, coz it's not gonna be there. –Downtown 4 Train Overheard by: Donz Conductor: Okay, raise your hand if you want to leave! –7 Train Overheard by: will it help if I put two hands up? Conductor: Do not get on this train. It is not taking any passengers, not even one. Do not even try, you will get kicked off. –Fordham Rd, Bronx Overheard by: The next train isn't for an hour and I'm already late. Conductor: Attention, passengers… You cannot use chemical solvents on the train. –NJ Transit Conductor: The next stop will be Bryant Park, #2nd Street. What a gorgeous day! Why not take advantage of one of New York City's many fine outdoor eateries. Have you heard the one about the monk and the hot dog vendor? Hot dog vendor: "What's it going to be, buddy?" Monk: "Make me one with everything"! This is Bryant Park, 42nd Street. Have an enlightened day! –F Train

You Can't Handle the Wednesday One-Liner!

Girls on bench: Is US weekly magazine, like, the only one that's true? –Central Park Man on cell, crossing street: And I told that Jewish cunt that everything she's heard about black men is true, and I'm gonna stick my foot in her fucking mouth. –46th St & Madison Ave Bum conversing with Bible-toting teens: Yes, it's in the Bible… But is it true? –Union Square Skater boy: Most things aren't true. –72nd St & Amsterdam

You Complete Me, Wednesday One-Liners

Blonde coed: After he finished yelling at me for a solid ten minutes, he's like, "So, do you want to be my girlfriend?" –3rd Ave & 11th St Overheard by: simon Middle school girl to boy: I don't normally get with sixth graders, but you're different… –10th St & 1st Ave Woman on cell: You are not listening to me. (pause) When you say whatever it is you're bitching about', I know that you are not actually listening to me. –Riverside Park Guy on cell: I don't treat you quite as bad as you say. –Amtrak Overheard by: Flooey Boyfriend, about girlfriend enthusiastically cheering on Colbert: Why don't you scream like that for me? –The Colbert Report Set Party girl to friend: So I asked my priest, and he said "I think you should see other people." –Park Ave & 29th St Overheard by: petey